strange and random happenstance

Dial Witch by Jo-Ann Carson
Published by: Jo-Ann Carson
Publication Date: February 1st, 2022
Format: Kindle, 298 Pages
Rating: ★★
To Buy (different edition than one reviewed)

Now that the regulars know about the supernatural world it's time to come together. To heal the chasm between the haves and have-nots. And what better place than the sleepy little Pacific Northwest town of Mystic Keep which is known as a sanctuary for mages? And that's just what Jane Black plans to do. She wants to help her community, it's what her mother taught her. One should share their talents for the good of all. So on a sunny July day, despite the objections of her family, her familiar, and her mother threatening to disown her, she opens up Dial Witch, the one-stop shop of sorcery in Mystic Keep. And it's like a small fire has been lit in the community. There's a reason mages and regulars aren't meant to mix. When Taupe Halliday accosts Jane in her shop declaiming that her reckless behavior will expose them all perhaps she should have listened. You need to be wary of little old ladies who complain about your shop, they might just be dragons in disguise. Dragons with connections. Which is how Jane, almost before she has her first customer, already has a complaint lodged against her with the Dragon Federation of the ninth. Which means an enforcer will soon be making an appearance in Mystic Keep. But before dragons comes family, and they are just as vocal about her new career path as Taupe Halliday. Family dinners with the witches of the Magnolia Black coven are either heartwarming or terrorizing, depending on Jane's sisters and their spouses. Thankfully they have something more serious to worry about than Jane's little shop. A bounty has been put out on warlock babies. Seeing as her sister Cassie has just had a baby with her husband Sanjay and her older sister Merlina is heavily pregnant with her and her husband Donovan's child, this is worrying to the family. In fact Jane is a little pissed they didn't inform her of it earlier. The fact that she's had only one customer who asked her to murder her husband is nothing compared to what her family is facing. Especially once it's revealed the Kryg, the scum of the multiverse, warriors who share a mutant-cyborg-vampire ancestry, are hunting the babies. But luckily Helios Daragon, commonly known as Leos, who has been sent to shut down Jane's shop because the magistrate, his boss, is Taupe Halliday's nephew, is a man of honor and agrees to help Jane's family. He doesn't even request a quid pro quo as he's instantly smitten with Jane, his trésor, a provocative cross between a feisty wench and an angel. Between a hot dragon trying to shut her down, a bounty on her beloved family members, and a shop that is surprisingly booming, Jane has no time for anything else. So of course a vampire starts to blackmail her and she's kidnapped. Sadly neither of which are unheard of for her. It's just another day in Mystic Keep.

The Dial Witch trilogy is set within the larger Mystic Keep universe, or multiverse as it is, and is billed as a standalone. I am here to tell you that it's not a standalone. This is like watching a once fun show that has gone on too long and is so stuck up its own ass with its mythology that new fans won't engage and old fans keep watching out of habit hoping someone will put it out of its misery. In other words, this is like the last few seasons of Charmed. Maybe at some point, if I could actually figure out where this series started, I would discover it wasn't just characters standing abruptly and stating facts and mentioning in passing events that happened that I have no idea about. This books was at times infuriating in how it doesn't seem to care about the readers or even the characters. There is no development, not forward story, just one thing happening after another and then it's over. But without a real conclusion just two more books to read. Though do I actually believe those two books resolve Jane's story? Oh I so do not. After all she has some backstory with a cop who was turned into a werewolf and she was shunned by his new pack. Again, this isn't gotten into. It's just something that happened and we're moving along, we have magic school and Leo is with the Elders, and nope, I'm confusing this again with the worst of Charmed. But who can blame me when Merlina and her chin act like they are mugging for a camera that doesn't exist and they both have Leos. Though my main problems come down to three sticking points. One, the pull quotes. Each chapter starts with one, some from well known authors, and some obviously so loved by Carson that she uses them more than once, hopefully on purpose. But what author would think Pinterest is a good source for a pull quote to start a chapter!?! A quote that is literally "What did one saggy boob say to another? You better perk up, or they'll think we're nuts." ~ anon, Pinterest" I think that right there is self-explanatory as to why I hate it so much. Two, what the hell is this worldbuilding!?! There are nine dimensions? Realms? Whatever? There are cyborg vampires and real vampires and werewolves and dragon shifters and could someone just explain things to me because the witches aren't from Earth so where the hell are they from!?! Again, a once beloved show on it's last legs. Three, she's giving her customers ED "potions" for their husbands to "cure" them. Who the hell gave her the right to literally give someone a 24/7 hard-on? What's more, this is distilling marital problems down to sex. Yes, sex is important to a marriage, but it's not the only thing. Also, as expected it gets out of hand, see above kidnapping. Overall this book was a lot thrown at you and nothing sticks. It's mildly entertaining but totally forgettable. Oh, and she doesn't even have sex with the dragon. And four, why is her shop called Dial Witch!?! WHY!?!

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:00 AM 0 comments  

Labels: An Urban Development, Babies, Blackmail, Bounty, Charmed, Dial Witch, Dragons, Helios Daragon, Jane Black, Jo-Ann Carson, Kidnapping, Magnolia Black Coven, Multiverse, Mystic Keep, Pacific Northwest, Pinterest, Pull Quotes, Trilogy

Murder for Christmas by Francis Duncan
Published by: Sourcebooks Landmark
Publication Date: 1950
Format: Paperback, 352 Pages
Rating: ★★★★
To Buy

Businessman Benedict Grame bought Sherbroome House from the impoverished Melvin family as a country retreat despite muttered oaths from the local villagers that one day the Melvins would return. Every Christmas he holds a lavish traditional holiday celebration, a true old-fashioned Christmas, where it's an honor to be chosen to attend. These festivities aren't for the locals or the children of the village who would get the most out of it, but the elite. The select few. Those invited must embrace the holiday spirit, with Grame himself even donning the costume of Father Christmas to decorate the tree with everyone's presents on Christmas Eve. Grame has a childlike glee in his playacting with his guests indulging him. The snowstorm brewing will add the final touch to Grame's Christmas trimmings. Mordecai Tremaine is honored to be one of two new additions to the year's guest list. Tremaine would describe himself as an ex-tobacconist who is now rather a social parasite who met Grame through mutual friends. With the inclement but festive weather forcing all the guests to be housebound Tremaine takes a turn about Sherbroome House to met his fellow inmates. On each introduction there arises in him his love of mystery and romance. Who is this person? What is their heart's desire. For the ward of Grame's oldest friend, Jeremy Rainer, Denys Arden, it is clear her heart's desire is Roger Wynton. As a lover of romance novels, this thrills Termaine's heart. But he sees a problem, Rainer is an odd overprotective man who cancelled his plans to go to the States for the holiday season to stay at Sherbroome House and definitely has plans for Denys that don't involve Roger. Then there's the family, "Uncle" Gerald Beechley who loves an inappropriate joke, and Grame's sister Charlotte who behaves like a sour maid with a dark secret whom Tremaine had seen the day previously in Calnford having tea, which she denies. The party is rounded off with Rosalind Marsh who runs a curio shop and paints, Austin Delamere who is an exhausted statesman, neighbors Mr. and Mrs. Napier, the stunning Lucia Tristam, who is possibly a widow with her eyes set on either Benedict or Jeremy, and Professor Ernest Lorring, the other "new" guest and a scientist. Of course Grame's secretary, Nicholas Blaise, is also present. As Tremaine settles in for a long winter's nap he spies Father Christmas on the terrace below him, at first wondering if it is a dream, a fantasy, but of course it is his host setting out to decorate the Christmas tree. The landscape is a three dimensional Christmas card or a shop window, an illusion. An illusion that brought menace when a cloud passed overhead. Malignity and terror were abroad with an expectant atmosphere. When a scream pierces the night Tremaine realizes this is what he'd been expecting. But the body under the tree not being Grame is unexpected. Was the wrong man killed? And will the killer strike again?

Murder for Christmas is a delicious festive work from the Golden Age of Detection. I read a lot of murder mysteries set during the holiday season and rarely has one stood out for such a strong sense of place and an amazing kicker of a conclusion, which any of those other reviewers who marked this book as DNF were robbed of. Seriously, I don't get people who give up early on books, I understand our time on this planet is limited but a book can surprise you in the very last few pages and totally change your view of what came before. And while I was enjoying my entire time at Sherbroome House, damn. But I'm getting ahead of myself because first I wanted to talk about it's sense of place. I don't know if you're like me but I kind of have stock images of country houses in my head. Unless great detail is gone into then they're all basically set in the same place in my mind. Perhaps this is because I watch so many British murder mysteries and they use the same locations over and over again or perhaps it's because back when I used to play MMORPGs every pub was literally the same, which has spilled over into my reading. Literally every pub is the same from Westeros to Temerant. Or, in an egregious example, how in City of Heroes all quests were in office buildings and each and every office building was the same and it ended up being so repetitive that I quickly stopped playing that game despite the fact that I could fly. But Sherbroome House? Damn. I think I could draw this house with the description that Francis Duncan wrote and despite the whole murder aspect, I want to go to there. I want to be in that library with those shelves stacked with books and that golden glow of the tree with the presents hanging from it. I mean, I could do without the corpse, but I can work around that. There's a uniqueness to this place. It felt so real, not just a simulacrum or composite of other houses. This place is as real as the house I'm sitting in right now and I have to applaud the author for that. So few actually succeed at this task. But really, it's the ending that deserves the standing ovation. So, while this book was originally published in 1950 and reprinted in 2017 I'm still giving a spoiler warning because, well, it's the nice thing to do. And yes, sometimes I am not nice and spoil books I hate on purpose without warning, but this isn't one of them. So the big reveal is that these lavish old-fashioned Christmas house parties are mandatory on the part of the participates because Grame is blackmailing them all. This is enforced glee. And while I know many people have a love/hate relationship with the holidays, I personally am the opposite of a scrooge. I'm all about the tree and the trimmings and the baking and the books. So to me, taking something that is supposed to be full of joy and making people do a pantomime of partying is like so deliciously evil I just can't. Francis Duncan is a genius for this perversion of tradition. Well done sir. Well done.

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:00 AM 0 comments  

Labels: Blackmail, Christmas, City of Heroes, Father Christmas, Francis Duncan, Golden Age of Detection, MMORPGs, Mordecai Tremaine, Murder for Christmas, Murder Most Foul, Romance, Sherbroome House, Stock Imagery

Spellcloaked by Stephanie Burgis
Published by: Five Fathoms Press
Publication Date: February 3rd 2020
Format: Kindle, 18 Pages
Rating: ★★★★★
To Buy

As a young woman Honoria Fennell was an ambassador to the elves. The atrocities she witnessed when she was at their court have haunted her all the days of her life, as has the love she found there, a married elf, Sylvana, who, if the affair was discovered, would have faced the brutality of her husband. That secret is what actually brought about her fall from the Boudiccate. Not many people know what happened at Thornfell College of Magic, only that since that time Honoria has sequestered herself in Cosgrave Manor deep in the elven dales. She has sent the staff away, as for her husband? He left of his own free will. Theirs was, after all, only a marriage of convenience. She is disgraced and alone. Her ambitions of protecting Angland from the tyranny of the elven court is no more. But at least Sylvana is safe. Or at least she hopes so. Honoria can't be sure her blackmailer didn't enact her threats before she was no longer able to. And then a figure steps out of the dales, a figure that asks piercing questions. A figure that has the ability to pierce her heart.

Because of her iron backbone and unwavering stances on the Boudiccate, Lady Honoria Cosgrave has been the antagonist of the previous volumes of the Harwood Spellbook. Therefore it's an interesting conceit to take a rather unlikable character, strip her down, all the way, take away the wealth, the privilege, the position, and make her not just relatable but worthy of her happily ever after. You can understand where she's coming from but what I find truly interesting is that Honoria had a dream, she wanted to protect her people and Sylvana, but she forced herself to work within the system. That is why I think she took such a strong dislike to Cassandra Harwood. Cassandra didn't play by the rules and in Honoria's world that just isn't how it is done. Yet times change, attitudes change, circumstances change, and Honoria realizes that "she had never allowed herself to dream hard enough." That right there is where this story got me. Make your dreams big. Make your love possible. Change the world! We all know if could use some help.

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:00 AM 0 comments  

Labels: Angland, Blackmail, Boudiccate, Cassandra Harwood, Dream, Elven Dales, Elves, Harwood Spellbook, HEA, Lady Honoria Consgrave, LGBTQIA+, Regency Magic, Spellcloacked, Stephanie Burgis, Thornfell College of Magic

The Return of Sherlock Holmes by Arthur Conan Doyle
Published by: Book-of-the-Month Club
Publication Date: 1905
Format: Hardcover, 381 Pages
Rating: ★★★
To Buy (different edition than one reviewed)

Many surprises are in store for Watson, the erstwhile chronicler of Sherlock Holmes. Since Holmes's death Watson has had quite a different life. He no longer writes about that great detective, he has put down his pen because the subject is just too painful. He has also lost his wife, their wedded bliss lasted only six years before she died. Watson is just plodding along, doing his duties to his patients, till everything changes. Holmes faked his own death and the time has come to reveal his resurrection. Moriarty's second-in-command Moran is about to be apprehended and it is now safe for Holmes to come out of hiding and reveal his continued existence to his dearest friend and companion, Watson. After Sebastian Moran is finally behind bars Holmes hopes that Watson will return with him to 221B and that their old bachelor crime solving days will recommence. The cases are even more illustrious than before, as the world rejoices at Holmes returning to put the criminal element in it's place. There is ironically a case about a man who fakes his own death, another about an infernally annoying code using dancing men, some waving little flags. As always money is a great motivator for crime, from inheritances to stolen jewels. While some of the cases are barely worthy of Sherlock, there are others that spur him to drastic, even criminal measures. One thing is certain, the world is a better place with Holmes waiting to solve your problems.

I can see why Conan Doyle tried to kill off his most famous creation. You reach a point when you feel there's nothing left to say, no more variations on a theme available. All the stories have been told. If I'm having trouble searching for new insights for yet another Sherlock Holmes review, can you imagine trying to find some new way in which to inveigle Holmes in yet another ingenious mystery? Let alone devise that mystery? Death might easily have been the only answer. Luckily for his readers it didn't stick. Conan Doyle finally caved to his eager public and their demands and The Return of Sherlock Holmes collects the next thirteen short stories of Holmes and Watson after a ten year absence. Yet I think it was very much a reluctant return. It's not that the stories aren't of the same caliber, or that Holmes is less brilliant, it's the undertone of the stories that struck me as poignant. I think it's not a coincidence that blackmail features so heavily among these tales. Conan Doyle was coerced into returning to writing Holmes; and while he went on to write another stand-alone book and two more collections of short stories, he always thought his energies would have been better spent elsewhere. His fans would disagree with this assertion I am sure, but I feel his pain... I still have something to say, but will I still have something to say come the final volume? I can't be sure and I can't condone the pigeonholing of anyone with artistic sensibilities. Change is good for the soul, and Holmes isn't one to embrace change.

After reading this book, especially combined with A Study in Scarlet, I seriously would like to know what Conan Doyle has against Americans. Yes, I've mentioned this before, but seriously, it's too weird not to bring it up again. As an American myself, it's just weird reading these stories, such as this volume's "The Adventure of the Dancing Men," wherein Conan Doyle's ignorance of America is only outdone by his obvious dislike of it. America is portrayed as a backward society full of violent people who for some reason strongly believe in the binding oath of arranged marriages. Seriously? Arranged marriages? Is this something that they just skipped over in history class wherein 19th century America was all about matchmaking? In fact, if you go to Wikipedia, you will notice that like England and Europe, ALL of North America is exempt from the tradition of these arranged marital alliances. Suck it Conan Doyle! Plus the violent American spurned bridegroom is another erroneous trope that Conan Doyle seems to take glee in writing. I can only thank the powers that be that we were spared Conan Doyle going into any detail about the child crime ring in Chicago. As someone whose ancestors lived in Chicago at the time period that Abe Slaney and Elsie Patrick of the aforementioned story did, I dread to contemplate what Conan Doyle's view of Chicago was...

Getting away from Conan Doyle's ignorance and prejudices and back to Holmes there is an aspect of Holmes that is getting on my nerves more and more. Whenever Holmes meets someone for the first time he does his signature trick of reading them and then telling them the details of their lives that make it look like he is a magician. He then explains how he reached these conclusions. The dirt on their shoes, the indent on their finger, the tailoring of their clothes, everything tells a story to Holmes. This isn't what I dislike. In fact, this is always the fun part of any story, Holmes proving his superior deductive abilities to the world at large. Also, his explanation isn't annoying either. What's annoying is that Holmes gets angry that after he explains how he did it everyone sees it as an "easy" trick. If you get mad at people when you willingly give them insight into how something is done then don't give them insight! It's like Houdini showing everyone how his magic is done and then being pissy that they no longer view it as magic. If it's explained it's no longer magic, it's as simple as that. In fairness to Holmes, he does want his techniques known so his explanation is logical. But he wants his techniques known in a scientific and rational way, not in the sensational way Watson writes it up. So therefore he needs to start embracing willingly sharing his techniques to his clients and his friends and this includes letting go of his huffy attitude when the simplicity of the observation is understood. And if he worries that sharing his gift will make him unnecessary, to that I say I don't think there are many people who can tell the different types of mud or tobacco.

The story that stood out most to me of the thirteen was "The Adventure of Charles Augustus Milverton." Yes, it did partly stand out because they used it as the arc of the most recent season of Sherlock; but more importantly, it stood out because Holmes and Watson set themselves clearly on the wrong side of the law and have fun doing it. Holmes even muses that if he had set his mind to it that he could have been quite the criminal genius. I personally have no doubt that he could be such a criminal, in fact, I often wonder why he solves crimes at all. He has no actual interest in his clients. In fact in "The Adventure of the Six Napoleons" he once again shows his callousness by assuming that everyone, especially his clients, have the same indifference to money as he does, and therefore greatly harms his client's pocketbook. He is only interested in things that will challenge his mind. In fact, he often has a hard time finding anything to divert him and be the least bit challenging. I would assume, with the glee he takes in playing the criminal, that actually taking to a life of crime would provide more range for his abilities. He wouldn't have to wait for someone to commit a mind-boggling and devious act, he could create them. And in fact in my second favorite story here, "The Adventure of the Abbey Grange," he lets a murderer go because he views this as true justice. Holmes is so close to stepping over the line I say he should just do it, become the new, and far cleverer Moriarty. There is a gap left in the world of crime from his departure...

Which in a roundabout way brings me to guilt. The more stories I read about Sherlock Holmes the more I realize he doesn't have any guilty clients. Now only a fool who committed a crime would hire Sherlock Holmes to look into the case, but still, people are amazing for the capability of deluding themselves. Holmes does mention one murderer who tried to hire him and was shown the door... but has Holmes ever mistakenly taken on a guilty party as his client? Has he ever committed such a faux pas? Occasionally his clients die, sometimes due to his negligence, but do they ever do the evil deed and cause someone else's death? Because as his clients are currently represented this would mean that Holmes is infallible, and I don't think this is the case at all. I think that Holmes is, very occasionally, human. So the question becomes, is Watson skewing the narrative to make Holmes look more God like? Is he expurgating the cases? It is something to wonder on... I almost hope that in one of the upcoming stories that this happens, just because it would shake things up a bit. The more I read, the more the similarities are apparent from case to case and just once I would like something radically different. Yes, Holmes playing criminal was nice... but let's switch things up even more. How about a criminal who doesn't confess everything? How about Holmes finding the evil doer and them being exonerated in a court of law because Holmes's evidence is so esoteric that the judge and jury find it unbelievable? Because, seriously, would most of Holmes's evidence stand up in a court of law? It's more than a little inconceivable.

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:00 AM 0 comments  

Labels: A Study in Scarlet, America, Arthur Conan Doyle, Blackmail, Criminal, Guilt, John Watson, Moriarty, Sherlock, Sherlock Holmes, Sherlocked, The Return of Sherlock Holmes