Book Review - Jo-Ann Carson's Dial Witch
Dial Witch by Jo-Ann Carson
Published by: Jo-Ann Carson
Publication Date: February 1st, 2022
Format: Kindle, 298 Pages
Rating: ★★
To Buy (different edition than one reviewed)
Now that the regulars know about the supernatural world it's time to come together. To heal the chasm between the haves and have-nots. And what better place than the sleepy little Pacific Northwest town of Mystic Keep which is known as a sanctuary for mages? And that's just what Jane Black plans to do. She wants to help her community, it's what her mother taught her. One should share their talents for the good of all. So on a sunny July day, despite the objections of her family, her familiar, and her mother threatening to disown her, she opens up Dial Witch, the one-stop shop of sorcery in Mystic Keep. And it's like a small fire has been lit in the community. There's a reason mages and regulars aren't meant to mix. When Taupe Halliday accosts Jane in her shop declaiming that her reckless behavior will expose them all perhaps she should have listened. You need to be wary of little old ladies who complain about your shop, they might just be dragons in disguise. Dragons with connections. Which is how Jane, almost before she has her first customer, already has a complaint lodged against her with the Dragon Federation of the ninth. Which means an enforcer will soon be making an appearance in Mystic Keep. But before dragons comes family, and they are just as vocal about her new career path as Taupe Halliday. Family dinners with the witches of the Magnolia Black coven are either heartwarming or terrorizing, depending on Jane's sisters and their spouses. Thankfully they have something more serious to worry about than Jane's little shop. A bounty has been put out on warlock babies. Seeing as her sister Cassie has just had a baby with her husband Sanjay and her older sister Merlina is heavily pregnant with her and her husband Donovan's child, this is worrying to the family. In fact Jane is a little pissed they didn't inform her of it earlier. The fact that she's had only one customer who asked her to murder her husband is nothing compared to what her family is facing. Especially once it's revealed the Kryg, the scum of the multiverse, warriors who share a mutant-cyborg-vampire ancestry, are hunting the babies. But luckily Helios Daragon, commonly known as Leos, who has been sent to shut down Jane's shop because the magistrate, his boss, is Taupe Halliday's nephew, is a man of honor and agrees to help Jane's family. He doesn't even request a quid pro quo as he's instantly smitten with Jane, his trésor, a provocative cross between a feisty wench and an angel. Between a hot dragon trying to shut her down, a bounty on her beloved family members, and a shop that is surprisingly booming, Jane has no time for anything else. So of course a vampire starts to blackmail her and she's kidnapped. Sadly neither of which are unheard of for her. It's just another day in Mystic Keep.
The Dial Witch trilogy is set within the larger Mystic Keep universe, or multiverse as it is, and is billed as a standalone. I am here to tell you that it's not a standalone. This is like watching a once fun show that has gone on too long and is so stuck up its own ass with its mythology that new fans won't engage and old fans keep watching out of habit hoping someone will put it out of its misery. In other words, this is like the last few seasons of Charmed. Maybe at some point, if I could actually figure out where this series started, I would discover it wasn't just characters standing abruptly and stating facts and mentioning in passing events that happened that I have no idea about. This books was at times infuriating in how it doesn't seem to care about the readers or even the characters. There is no development, not forward story, just one thing happening after another and then it's over. But without a real conclusion just two more books to read. Though do I actually believe those two books resolve Jane's story? Oh I so do not. After all she has some backstory with a cop who was turned into a werewolf and she was shunned by his new pack. Again, this isn't gotten into. It's just something that happened and we're moving along, we have magic school and Leo is with the Elders, and nope, I'm confusing this again with the worst of Charmed. But who can blame me when Merlina and her chin act like they are mugging for a camera that doesn't exist and they both have Leos. Though my main problems come down to three sticking points. One, the pull quotes. Each chapter starts with one, some from well known authors, and some obviously so loved by Carson that she uses them more than once, hopefully on purpose. But what author would think Pinterest is a good source for a pull quote to start a chapter!?! A quote that is literally "What did one saggy boob say to another? You better perk up, or they'll think we're nuts." ~ anon, Pinterest" I think that right there is self-explanatory as to why I hate it so much. Two, what the hell is this worldbuilding!?! There are nine dimensions? Realms? Whatever? There are cyborg vampires and real vampires and werewolves and dragon shifters and could someone just explain things to me because the witches aren't from Earth so where the hell are they from!?! Again, a once beloved show on it's last legs. Three, she's giving her customers ED "potions" for their husbands to "cure" them. Who the hell gave her the right to literally give someone a 24/7 hard-on? What's more, this is distilling marital problems down to sex. Yes, sex is important to a marriage, but it's not the only thing. Also, as expected it gets out of hand, see above kidnapping. Overall this book was a lot thrown at you and nothing sticks. It's mildly entertaining but totally forgettable. Oh, and she doesn't even have sex with the dragon. And four, why is her shop called Dial Witch!?! WHY!?!
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