strange and random happenstance

Dial Witch by Jo-Ann Carson
Published by: Jo-Ann Carson
Publication Date: February 1st, 2022
Format: Kindle, 298 Pages
Rating: ★★
To Buy (different edition than one reviewed)

Now that the regulars know about the supernatural world it's time to come together. To heal the chasm between the haves and have-nots. And what better place than the sleepy little Pacific Northwest town of Mystic Keep which is known as a sanctuary for mages? And that's just what Jane Black plans to do. She wants to help her community, it's what her mother taught her. One should share their talents for the good of all. So on a sunny July day, despite the objections of her family, her familiar, and her mother threatening to disown her, she opens up Dial Witch, the one-stop shop of sorcery in Mystic Keep. And it's like a small fire has been lit in the community. There's a reason mages and regulars aren't meant to mix. When Taupe Halliday accosts Jane in her shop declaiming that her reckless behavior will expose them all perhaps she should have listened. You need to be wary of little old ladies who complain about your shop, they might just be dragons in disguise. Dragons with connections. Which is how Jane, almost before she has her first customer, already has a complaint lodged against her with the Dragon Federation of the ninth. Which means an enforcer will soon be making an appearance in Mystic Keep. But before dragons comes family, and they are just as vocal about her new career path as Taupe Halliday. Family dinners with the witches of the Magnolia Black coven are either heartwarming or terrorizing, depending on Jane's sisters and their spouses. Thankfully they have something more serious to worry about than Jane's little shop. A bounty has been put out on warlock babies. Seeing as her sister Cassie has just had a baby with her husband Sanjay and her older sister Merlina is heavily pregnant with her and her husband Donovan's child, this is worrying to the family. In fact Jane is a little pissed they didn't inform her of it earlier. The fact that she's had only one customer who asked her to murder her husband is nothing compared to what her family is facing. Especially once it's revealed the Kryg, the scum of the multiverse, warriors who share a mutant-cyborg-vampire ancestry, are hunting the babies. But luckily Helios Daragon, commonly known as Leos, who has been sent to shut down Jane's shop because the magistrate, his boss, is Taupe Halliday's nephew, is a man of honor and agrees to help Jane's family. He doesn't even request a quid pro quo as he's instantly smitten with Jane, his trésor, a provocative cross between a feisty wench and an angel. Between a hot dragon trying to shut her down, a bounty on her beloved family members, and a shop that is surprisingly booming, Jane has no time for anything else. So of course a vampire starts to blackmail her and she's kidnapped. Sadly neither of which are unheard of for her. It's just another day in Mystic Keep.

The Dial Witch trilogy is set within the larger Mystic Keep universe, or multiverse as it is, and is billed as a standalone. I am here to tell you that it's not a standalone. This is like watching a once fun show that has gone on too long and is so stuck up its own ass with its mythology that new fans won't engage and old fans keep watching out of habit hoping someone will put it out of its misery. In other words, this is like the last few seasons of Charmed. Maybe at some point, if I could actually figure out where this series started, I would discover it wasn't just characters standing abruptly and stating facts and mentioning in passing events that happened that I have no idea about. This books was at times infuriating in how it doesn't seem to care about the readers or even the characters. There is no development, not forward story, just one thing happening after another and then it's over. But without a real conclusion just two more books to read. Though do I actually believe those two books resolve Jane's story? Oh I so do not. After all she has some backstory with a cop who was turned into a werewolf and she was shunned by his new pack. Again, this isn't gotten into. It's just something that happened and we're moving along, we have magic school and Leo is with the Elders, and nope, I'm confusing this again with the worst of Charmed. But who can blame me when Merlina and her chin act like they are mugging for a camera that doesn't exist and they both have Leos. Though my main problems come down to three sticking points. One, the pull quotes. Each chapter starts with one, some from well known authors, and some obviously so loved by Carson that she uses them more than once, hopefully on purpose. But what author would think Pinterest is a good source for a pull quote to start a chapter!?! A quote that is literally "What did one saggy boob say to another? You better perk up, or they'll think we're nuts." ~ anon, Pinterest" I think that right there is self-explanatory as to why I hate it so much. Two, what the hell is this worldbuilding!?! There are nine dimensions? Realms? Whatever? There are cyborg vampires and real vampires and werewolves and dragon shifters and could someone just explain things to me because the witches aren't from Earth so where the hell are they from!?! Again, a once beloved show on it's last legs. Three, she's giving her customers ED "potions" for their husbands to "cure" them. Who the hell gave her the right to literally give someone a 24/7 hard-on? What's more, this is distilling marital problems down to sex. Yes, sex is important to a marriage, but it's not the only thing. Also, as expected it gets out of hand, see above kidnapping. Overall this book was a lot thrown at you and nothing sticks. It's mildly entertaining but totally forgettable. Oh, and she doesn't even have sex with the dragon. And four, why is her shop called Dial Witch!?! WHY!?!

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:00 AM 0 comments  

Labels: An Urban Development, Babies, Blackmail, Bounty, Charmed, Dial Witch, Dragons, Helios Daragon, Jane Black, Jo-Ann Carson, Kidnapping, Magnolia Black Coven, Multiverse, Mystic Keep, Pacific Northwest, Pinterest, Pull Quotes, Trilogy

When a show is based on a book that no one has bothered to even translate into English to release as a tie-in edition with the show, as a viewer you're not expecting fine art. Which is exactly where your expectations should be in regard to The Couple Next Door. This is about pretty people fucking each other. Both literally and figuratively. Jessica De Gouw and Sam Heughan are Danny and Becka, the playful couple into swinging. Eleanor Tomlinson and Alfred Enoch are Evie and Pete, the happily married childhood sweethearts expecting their first child. The couples become friends, Eleanor and Alfred lose the baby, and the sexcapades start. Evie is a little too into it. Pete is just trying to please his wife. As for the swingers, they broke their cardinal rule of not mixing friendship and pleasure. There's large expanses of time just wasted on longing looks with music and slow motion camerawork. So. Many. Longing. Looks. Yes, I get it Starz, you're trying to do softcore porn, can we maybe get a plot to go with that? They do try to shoehorn in a plot with corrupt cops and investigative journalism and religious fundamentalism and slut-shaming and Danny having a deaf kid by another woman, but none of this matters, and in fact, none of it is resolved or will be resolved because by season two we're onto a whole new cast. Well, almost all new. One standout character remains. Which is where this show shines. When it's just pretty people and their paramours, it's nothing, when it becomes about creepy stalkers and sexual mind games, well, then it's special. Eleanor Tomlinson's Evie gets this wicked gleam in her eye as she starts to become obsessed with Danny. She knows they have a connection and due to his incredibly fertile sperm he gets Evie pregnant. Which Evie then spins into a fantasy of the two of them running off together and starting a new life. Which, yes, it could then be compared to Fatal Attraction. But the thing is, while Evie is wonderfully unsettling, it's when Alfred Enoch's Pete goes over the edge that the whole series gels. He is deranged but Enoch makes the character someone relatable. You want him to take this all to the next level. You want him to burn their street to the ground. This show understands it's soapy nature and that is why it works. If it didn't have this absurdity to it, well, then it would be pornographic schlock. Which brings us to the best character who is returning for the second season, Alan Richardson as played by Hugh Dennis. Alan takes care of his wife while spending all his free time spying on Danny and Becka. He quickly spirals out of control when Becka boots him from her yoga class. He takes revenge by breaking into their house and leaking their private photos online. But the strain is too much and he has a stroke. Which leads to him being taken care of by his wife. Who exerts exquiste revenge on her pervert husband. It's that exquiste revenge, that exqusite mania, that line between how a normal person would react to a situation and how we wish our darker selves could react that makes this show work. It's still not high art, but at times it's hilarious.

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:00 AM 0 comments  

Labels: Alfred Enoch, And the Emmy Goes To, Babies, Eleanor Tomlinson, Fatal Attraction, Hugh Dennis, Jessica De Gouw, Plot, Porn, Pregnancy, Sam Heughan, Sexcapades, Slut-Shaming, Soap Opera, Stalking, Starz, Swingers, The Couple Next Door

When He Was Wicked by Julia Quinn
Published by: Avon
Publication Date: June 29th, 2004
Format: Paperback, 404 Pages
Rating: ★★★★
To Buy

Francesca Bridgerton made a perfect match. She and John Sterling, the Earl of Kilmartin, were made for each other. And Francesca got her dream come true, her own home, her own family. John's cousin Michael even became her best friend. Michael is a notorious rake and she loves to ask him about his wicked ways. Little does she know that he would give it all up for her. The second he set eyes on her he was lost. She was his everything, but he knew he could never have her. And when John dies suddenly he can't help thinking that some greater power is playing the world's cruelest trick on him because yes, he wants Francesca but not like this, never like this. He never wanted John's life or his title so bad to live in a world without John. So he leaves for India and doesn't look back, and in one fell swoop Francesca lost her husband and her best friend. Therefore she did what she had to do, she took up not only the mantel of Countess but that of Earl and runs Kilmartin for the husband and friend she lost. Four years later Francesca comes to a realization. She wants a baby. Of course for that to happen she needs a husband. She's not even sure she can have a baby, John and her were together for two years and she miscarried after his passing. It seems a hassle to go to the work of getting a husband when she just wants a baby, but she has made up her mind and therefore sets off from Scotland earlier than usual to London to go husband hunting. As it happens Michael arrives in London at the same time as Francesca and despite the years that have passed he still loves her as he ever did. Why did she have to come to London early? Why does she have to be on the marriage market? Why can't she be his? He searches his soul and the bottom of a lot of bottles but oddly it's Colin Bridgerton who breaks through when he explains that Michael has the right to be happy. What's more, doesn't Francesca? He could give her the child she wants and she wouldn't even have to love him just be his wife. But what if they could have it all?

With a long running series it's hard to keep it fresh. Just look to Lisa Kleypas's wallflower series. She started with a set four books in mind and by Scandal in Spring had obviously run out of ideas. Here Julia Quinn has set up a series double Kleypas's in length in order to make sure all the Bridgertons get their happily ever afters and yet with the sixth book she has created perhaps one of the strongest and most unique entries in the series so far. In the previous two volumes we have gotten hints about what has been going on in Francesca's life, perhaps the least discussed Bridgerton, and it was quite shocking to find out secondhand that she had not only gotten married by that she was already widowed. Where do we go from here? We go into perhaps the most relatable and affecting of the Bridgerton series. When He Was Wicked is about love and loss and guilt and it was a melancholy tale about taking a second chance at life and love. It was about coming to terms with what has passed and finding a way to forgive yourself for wanting to move on and find happiness. At times I was moved to tears by the way Francesca and Michael handled their grief over John and their desire to love again. Romance is usually just escapism and wish fulfillment, but here I found something more, something relatable. But of course no book is perfect so there was one aspect I really didn't relate to and that's Francesca's desperate need for a child. Children are a complicated issue, as Daphne saw with her Duke. There are people who want them, people who have them and don't want them, people who can't have them, people who choose not to have them, so many different kinds of people, and yet romance tends to lean very heavily to people wanting babies. I'm sorry, but I don't feel that my entire purpose on this planet is to breed and sometimes, just sometimes, it pisses me off that romance books think that I am wrong because it's not what I want. And I get Francesca and I are in different situations, she grew up in a large family and there's the familial bond and it makes sense that she wants a baby. I just want it acknowledged that not everyone wants one. Or can be talked around to wanting one, like the Duke.

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:00 AM 0 comments  

Labels: Babies, Bridgerton, Colin Bridgerton, Daphne Bridgerton, Francesca Bridgerton, Grief, Julia Quinn, Kilmartin, Lisa Kleypas, Michael Sterling, Regency Romp, Scandal in Spring, Scotland, When He Was Wicked

When He Was Wicked by Julia Quinn
Published by: Avon
Publication Date: June 29th, 2004
Format: Paperback, 404 Pages
Rating: ★★★★
To Buy

Francesca Bridgerton made a perfect match. She and John Sterling, the Earl of Kilmartin, were made for each other. And Francesca got her dream come true, her own home, her own family. John's cousin Michael even became her best friend. Michael is a notorious rake and she loves to ask him about his wicked ways. Little does she know that he would give it all up for her. The second he set eyes on her he was lost. She was his everything, but he knew he could never have her. And when John dies suddenly he can't help thinking that some greater power is playing the world's cruelest trick on him because yes, he wants Francesca but not like this, never like this. He never wanted John's life or his title so bad to live in a world without John. So he leaves for India and doesn't look back, and in one fell swoop Francesca lost her husband and her best friend. Therefore she did what she had to do, she took up not only the mantel of Countess but that of Earl and runs Kilmartin for the husband and friend she lost. Four years later Francesca comes to a realization. She wants a baby. Of course for that to happen she needs a husband. She's not even sure she can have a baby, John and her were together for two years and she miscarried after his passing. It seems a hassle to go to the work of getting a husband when she just wants a baby, but she has made up her mind and therefore sets off from Scotland earlier than usual to London to go husband hunting. As it happens Michael arrives in London at the same time as Francesca and despite the years that have passed he still loves her as he ever did. Why did she have to come to London early? Why does she have to be on the marriage market? Why can't she be his? He searches his soul and the bottom of a lot of bottles but oddly it's Colin Bridgerton who breaks through when he explains that Michael has the right to be happy. What's more, doesn't Francesca? He could give her the child she wants and she wouldn't even have to love him just be his wife. But what if they could have it all?

With a long running series it's hard to keep it fresh. Just look to Lisa Kleypas's wallflower series. She started with a set four books in mind and by Scandal in Spring had obviously run out of ideas. Here Julia Quinn has set up a series double Kleypas's in length in order to make sure all the Bridgertons get their happily ever afters and yet with the sixth book she has created perhaps one of the strongest and most unique entries in the series so far. In the previous two volumes we have gotten hints about what has been going on in Francesca's life, perhaps the least discussed Bridgerton, and it was quite shocking to find out secondhand that she had not only gotten married by that she was already widowed. Where do we go from here? We go into perhaps the most relatable and affecting of the Bridgerton series. When He Was Wicked is about love and loss and guilt and it was a melancholy tale about taking a second chance at life and love. It was about coming to terms with what has passed and finding a way to forgive yourself for wanting to move on and find happiness. At times I was moved to tears by the way Francesca and Michael handled their grief over John and their desire to love again. Romance is usually just escapism and wish fulfillment, but here I found something more, something relatable. But of course no book is perfect so there was one aspect I really didn't relate to and that's Francesca's desperate need for a child. Children are a complicated issue, as Daphne saw with her Duke. There are people who want them, people who have them and don't want them, people who can't have them, people who choose not to have them, so many different kinds of people, and yet romance tends to lean very heavily to people wanting babies. I'm sorry, but I don't feel that my entire purpose on this planet is to breed and sometimes, just sometimes, it pisses me off that romance books think that I am wrong because it's not what I want. And I get Francesca and I are in different situations, she grew up in a large family and there's the familial bond and it makes sense that she wants a baby. I just want it acknowledged that not everyone wants one. Or can be talked around to wanting one, like the Duke.

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:00 AM 0 comments  

Labels: Babies, Bridgerton, Colin Bridgerton, Daphne Bridgerton, Francesca Bridgerton, Grief, Julia Quinn, Kilmartin, Lisa Kleypas, Michael Sterling, Regency Romp, Scandal in Spring, Scotland, When He Was Wicked

Well another year has just been gonged in by the toll of a bell, or the clicking of a clock, or the hum of a cell phone, or perhaps you have trained a rooster to crow at midnight versus dawn. But whichever way you look at it 2009 is over and I say huzzah! 2009 was the crappiest, most horrid year of my life and I can honestly say thank you to every last reader of this blog for being a part of my life this past year, you have helped me more than you will ever know. So 2010... feels good, feels like I'm not starting out the year with pneumonia, feels like I have nothing left too loose and a new decade is just what I needed. There will be books and blogs and wonderful things. There will be weddings and babies and marvelous signs of life, and a new era of Doctor Who... so while I'd love to stay and chat some more, there's a Master that needs stopping and a Doctor that's dying, and I have to go prepare myself! Happy New Year one and all!

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:00 AM 7 comments  

Labels: 2009, 2010, Babies, Doctor Who, Happy New Year, Pneumonia, The Doctor, The Master, Weddings