strange and random happenstance

The Taming of the Tights by Louise Rennison
Published by: HarperTeen
Publication Date: September 17th, 2013
Format: Hardcover, 256 Pages
Rating: ★★
To Buy

Tallulah Casey, despite any sign of talent or acting ability, is back at Dother Hall in Yorkshire learning to be dramatic in a school with barmy teachers whose credentials are dubious. But school doesn't matter, only boys do. Tallulah is denying that she had a moment with the Dark Black Crow of Heckmondwhite, Cain, and instead thinking about the unattainable Alex and the taken Charlie. Sadly, her moment with Cain has led to the Bottomly sisters threatening her, but what can they do really? I mean, their mother has been trying to shoot Cain for months and has only succeeded in killing a goat. At the school they are trying to find ways to raise money to get a roof again and running water. The local reform academy for boys might just have some monetary interest, but what is the future of the Hall when Charlie has dumped his girlfriend and agreed to go out with Tallulah! Cain and everyone else be damned, especially Lulah's uncontrollable knees. She has a chance with Charlie!

Somebody stop me from reading these books. I mean it, seriously I need an intervention. What was once fun and unique is now a chore. Rennison just keeps writing the same book over and over again and never having any plot or any anything. And people are seriously giving this book five stars? Is it just nostalgia for your childhood? Because, bizarre rap battles and owlets do not make a book. And how is Honey a star in Hollywood? She has a severe lisp! I seriously can almost not be bothered to write this review because Louise was obviously not bothered to write a half-way decent book. Therefore in the tradition of Georgie Nicholson and Tallulah Casey, here is a list like you'd see in the appendix of these books, it's all I can be bothered to do.

What Louise Rennison can do:

• Funny dialogue
• Create awkward situations that are humorous
• Skewer classic plays
• Barmy characters
• Insane pets
• Broody Bronte Boys

• Write a book with a plot
• Evolve beyond the love triangle (quadrangle?) premise
• Give us any reason to understand why Tallulah is talented or liked
• Have the time frame of a book be longer then a few weeks
• Write this series anymore

• Viking Helmets
• Concerts/plays being the moment the book builds to
• Creepy guy moments (Charlie likes her because she is vulnerable? What?)
• Snog lists
• "Named" groups of friends, ie, Ace Gang, Tree Sisters
• Repetitive inner dialogue
• Insane pets (she's used it once too often, move on)
• Boycrazy girls
• Weird lesbian jokes

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:00 AM 0 comments  

Labels: Bronte, Georgie Nicholson, Louise Rennison, Tallulah Casey, The Taming of the Tights, Yorkshire

The Clockwork Scarab by Colleen Gleason
Published by: Chronicle Books
Publication Date: September 17th, 2013
Format: Hardcover, 356 Pages
To Buy

The official patter:
"Evaline Stoker and Mina Holmes never meant to get into the family business. But when you're the sister of Bram and the niece of Sherlock, vampire hunting and mystery solving are in your blood. And when two society girls go missing, there's no one more qualified to investigate. Now fierce Evaline and logical Mina must resolve their rivalry, navigate the advances of not just one but three mysterious gentlemen, and solve murder with only one clue: a strange Egyptian scarab. The stakes are high. If Stoker and Holmes don't unravel why the belles of London society are in such danger, they'll become the next victims."

I quite literally cannot say how stoked (haha) I am for this book. Ever since Colleen first started talking about it however long ago it was (it felt really long ago because I'm impatient) I've had this on the top of my "To Be Read" list. Finally!

The Dream Thieves by Maggie Stiefvater
Published by: Scholastic Press
Publication Date: September 17th, 2013
Format: Hardcover, 416 Pages
To Buy

The official patter:
"The second installment in the all-new series from the masterful, #1 NEW YORK TIMES bestselling author Maggie Stiefvater!

Now that the ley lines around Cabeswater have been woken, nothing for Ronan, Gansey, Blue, and Adam will be the same. Ronan, for one, is falling more and more deeply into his dreams, and his dreams are intruding more and more into waking life. Meanwhile, some very sinister people are looking for some of the same pieces of the Cabeswater puzzle that Gansey is after..."

Everyone I know, even the author Robin LaFevers, has been talking about how good the first book in this new series by Stiefvater is... guess I should get around to it then. 

United We Spy by Ally Carter
Published by: Disney-Hyperion
Publication Date: September 17th, 2013
Format: Hardcover, 304 Pages
To Buy

The official patter:
"Cammie Morgan has lost her father and her memory, but in the heart-pounding conclusion to the best-selling Gallagher Girls series, she finds her greatest mission yet. Cammie and her friends finally know why the terrorist organization called the Circle of Cavan has been hunting her. Now the spy girls and Zach must track down the Circle's elite members to stop them before they implement a master plan that will change Cammie-and her country-forever.

Get ready for the Gallagher Girls' most astounding adventure yet as Ally Carter's New York Times best-selling series comes to breathtaking conclusion that will have readers racing to the last page."

Here's hoping for a satisfying conclusion!

The Taming of the Tights by Louise Rennison
Published by: HarperTeen
Publication Date: September 17th, 2013
Format: Hardcover, 256 Pages
To Buy

The official patter:
"Gadzooks! It's another term at Dother Hall for Tallulah and her mates. But can they keep their minds on the arts with all those boys about...After the thing-that-will-never-be-mentioned last term, Tallulah is keen to put all thoughts of Cain behind her. But that seems like that the last thing he wants. Their performing arts college may have been saved by Honey's mystery benefactor, but for how long is anyone's guess. So will Tallulah finally get to wear those golden slippers of applause or will Dr Lightowler swoop down on her glory days? And with Seth and Flossie forever snogging, Vaisey and Jack loved-up and Phil and Jo fondly biffing each other can Tallulah resist the call of her wild boy? Don your craziest tights and Irish dance your way to some surprising and hilariously unexpected answers..."

So, yeah, I didn't really like the second book and so I'm not super hyped about this one... will I read it? Yeah, probably. Also, why have the last two books been parodies of Shakespearean titles and the first a Bronte parody... switch it up on this one maybe, at least that's my feeling. But then again, who listens to me... because if they did, Louise Rennison would be doing an adult series a la Adrian Mole...

Fortunately the Milk by Neil Gaiman
Published by: HarperCollins
Publication Date: September 17th, 2013
Format: Hardcover, 128 Pages
To Buy

The official patter:
"I bought the milk," said my father. "I walked out of the corner shop, and heard a noise like this: T h u m m t h u m m. I looked up and saw a huge silver disc hovering in the air above Marshall Road."

"Hullo," I said to myself. "That's not something you see every day. And then something odd happened."

Find out just how odd things get in this hilarious story of time travel and breakfast cereal, expertly told by Newbery Medalist and bestselling author Neil Gaiman and illustrated by Skottie Young."

So, originally, I was kind of "meh" about this book, but then I saw Neil Gaiman in July and he read some of it aloud, and now it's like the book I'm most excited about, well, most excited to share with my Dad for all his heroics of making sure we never ran out of milk over the years.

Deadly Heat by Richard Castle
Published by: Hyperion
Publication Date: September 17th, 2013
Format: Hardcover, 304 Pages
To Buy

The official patter:
"Nikki Heat and Jameson Rook race to stop a deadly threat from Heat's past as well as an all-too-present serial killer, in Richard Castle's follow-up to the New York Times bestseller Frozen Heat.

Determined to find justice for her mother, top NYPD Homicide Detective Nikki Heat continues to pursue the elusive former CIA station chief who ordered her execution more than a decade ago. For the hunt, Nikki teams once again with her romantic partner, Pulitzer Prize-winning investigative journalist Jameson Rook, and their quest for the old spy and the motive behind the past murder unearths an alarming terror plot, which is anything but ancient history. It is lethal. It is now. And it has already entered its countdown phase.

Complicating Heat's mission to bring the rogue spy to justice and thwart the looming terror event, a serial killer begins menacing the Twentieth Precinct, and her homicide squad is under pressure to stop him, and soon. Known for his chilling stealth, the diabolical murderer not only singles out Nikki as the exclusive recipient of his taunting messages, he names her as his next victim."

SO glad the magenta cover won out over the lizard like one.

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:00 AM 0 comments  

Labels: Ally Carter, Bram Stoker, Colleen Gleason, Fortunately the Milk, Louise Rennison, Maggie Stiefvater, Neil Gaiman, Richard Castle, Robin LaFevers, Sherlock Holmes, Tallulah Casey, The Clockwork Scarab

A Midsummer Tights Dream by Louise Rennison
Published by: HarperTeen
Publication Date: June 26th, 2012
Format: Hardcover, 256 Pages
Rating: ★★
To Buy

Tallulah is back on her way north! She was able to secure a position at the "elite" acting school Dother Hall, despite her obvious lack of talent and the hatred of one of the teachers. Yet her mother still thinks she's too young to be living at the boarding school and therefore makes Lulah extend her stay with the Dobbinses. At least this means she's closer to her young mate Ruby, and Ruby's sexy older brother Alex, even if he's off at school, he has to visit sometime... doesn't he? Also, staying with the Dobbinses has the benefit of heat, running water, plumbing. The school has taken a bit of a downturn, economically speaking, they owe more than a little in taxes and might just lose the hall, unless a miracle happens.

Yet, the crisis of the school and their production of A Midsummer Nights Dream, in the middle of December, is not really on Tallulah's mind as much as it should be. Instead she is weighing the merits of boys. Alex, so Mr. Darcy, so much in Liverpool. Charlie, who kissed her and then wanted to be just friends because he has a girl back home. Then there's Cain. The bad boy. The Heathcliff of the town. He's bad, everyone knows he is. He licked a hail stone off Tallulah's face. He LICKED HER! That's not even on the snogging scale... that's just, weird and gross... yet when Cain does take a fancy to her mouth, she doesn't know what to make of her conflicting feelings. The shame of the detestable Cain, the fact that the local girls would beat her up if they knew, the fact that she might have liked it. Still... if they don't save the school, it's not like any of this will matter, because it will disappear as quickly as a dream from waking.

Ug. I had hopes that this book would become something more than the first volume in this new series. I was hoping for, I don't know, some sort of scope. Some expansion. Instead it felt even more contracted and small and plotless than the first volume. We got a girl and her angst about three boys, a band concert and a hurried production of A Midsummer Nights Dream... that does not a book make. Also, the idea of doing such a summery play in winter, it did not work, unless the book had ironically been titled, like A Midwinter Tights Nightmare... I felt like this is a book Rennison has written before, especially now that all the girls are referring to themselves as the Ace Gang... oh wait, I mean Tree Girls, which, when you're reading fast looks like three girls and then you start wondering why there are more than three of them. See, it's just a downward spiral that has made me not look forward to the next book at all.

I also feel a little as if I'm loosing my mind... was Tallulah Irish in the last book? I have no recollection of this being the case, but Irish she is. Also, while I find the Northern accents funny, why doesn't Tallulah have an accent too if she's Irish? Also I can't decide if the parodying of the accents was funny or kind of mean. And in what world does a girl with a severe lisp get talent scouted to Hollywood? And what was with all the Lesbian jokes? They seemed crude. Also, Richard III had a hump, not Richard II, you think she'd get that right in a book about acting and Shakespeare! Overall it was just a forgettable book in a forgettable series written by an author that had once shown promise but is now obviously stuck in a rut. Such a shame, her books used to be my fun little escape and now reading them feels like a chore.

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:00 AM 0 comments  

Labels: A Midsomer Nights Dream, A Midsumer Tights Dream, Bronte, Heathcliff, Lisp, Louise Rennison, Shakespeare, Tallulah Casey, Withering Tights

A Misdomer Tights Dream by Louise Rennison
Published by: HarperTeen
Publication Date: June 26th, 2012
Format: Hardcover, 256 Pages
To Buy

The official patter:
"Performing Arts college, here I come again! Hold on to your tights!! Because I'm holding on to mine, I can tell you.

Tallulah Casey is back and ready to Irish-comedy-dance her way through another term at Dother Hall, but now that she's been officially admitted to the performing arts program, that won't cut it anymore. Especially if she's going to help raise enough money to keep the school from closing at the end of the year.

There are also some . . . distractions to worry about: The boys of Woolfe Academy are lingering about. And they are still boys, so they are still confusing.

Will Tallulah be able to test out her new snogging skills and ace her performance in this term's project, A Midsummer Night's Dream? Only time and more Irish comedy dancing will tell.

Louise Rennison returns with her trademark sidesplitting humor, sending Tallulah and her mates on another riotously spectacular (mis)adventure."

I have been a fan of Louise Rennison's since the beginning. While I didn't enjoy the first book in this series as much as the Angus Thongs ones, I do enjoy a nice lark on a moor.

Dust Girl by Sarah Zettel
Published by: Random House
Publication Date: June 26th, 2012
Format: Hardcover, 304 Pages
To Buy

The official patter:
"This new trilogy will capture the hearts of readers who adore Libba Bray's Gemma Doyle series. Callie LeRoux lives in Slow Run, Kansas, helping her mother run their small hotel and trying not to think about the father she's never met. Lately all of her energy is spent battling the constant storms plaguing the Dust Bowl and their effects on her health. Callie is left alone, when her mother goes missing in a dust storm. Her only hope comes from a mysterious man offering a few clues about her destiny and the path she must take to find her parents in "the golden hills of the west" (California). Along the way she meets Jack a young hobo boy who is happy to keep her company—there are dangerous, desperate people at every turn. And there's also an otherworldly threat to Callie. Warring fae factions, attached to the creative communities of American society, are very aware of the role this half-mortal, half-fae teenage girl plays in their fate."

I have been so wanting to read this book since the RT Convention back in April where I hoped and prayed they'd have early copies, but alas, they didn't.

Shada by Douglas Adams and Gareth Roberts
Published by: Ace
Publication Date: June 26th, 2012
Format: Hardcover, 400 Pages
To Buy

The official patter:
"From the unique mind of Douglas Adams, legendary author of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, comes Shada, a Doctor Who story scripted for the television series Doctor Who, but never produced--and now, transformed into an original novel...

A little knowledge is a dangerous thing
Imagine how dangerous a LOT of knowledge is...

The Doctor's old friend and fellow Time Lord Professor Chronotis has retired to Cambridge University, where among the other doddering old professors nobody will notice if he lives for centuries. He took with him a few little souvenirs--harmless things really. But among them, carelessly, he took The Worshipful and Ancient Law of Gallifrey. Even more carelessly, he has loaned this immensely powerful book to clueless graduate student Chris Parsons, who intends to use it to impress girls. The Worshipful and Ancient Law is among the most dangerous artifacts in the universe; it cannot be allowed to fall into the wrong hands."

The hands of the sinister Time Lord Skagra are unquestionably the wrongest ones possible. Skagra is a sadist and an egomaniac, bent on universal domination. Having misguessed the state of fashion on Earth, he also wears terrible platform shoes. He is on his way to Cambridge. He wants the book. And he wants the Doctor..."

WHY!?!?! Really, seriously, will someone answer me why? Ok, so we only got part of the episode filmed, which they reconstructed and released on VHS... but more importantly, this became Adams' Dirk Gently series! So why are we going backwards? This doesn't need to be complete, Adams himself did it with Dirk. Just stop it ok.

Tempest's Fury by TNicole Peeler
Published by: Orbit
Publication Date: June 26th, 2012
Format: Paperback, 368 Pages
To Buy

The official patter:
"Jane's not happy. She's been packed off to England to fight in a war when she'd much rather be snogging Anyan. Unfortunately, Jane's enemies have been busy stirring up some major trouble -- the kind that attracts a lot of attention. In other words, they're not making it easy for Jane to get any alone time with the barghest, or to indulge in her penchant for stinky cheese.

Praying she can pull of a Joan of Arc without the whole martyrdom thing, Jane must lead Alfar and halflings alike in a desperate battle to combat an ancient evil. Catapulted into the role of Most Unlikely Hero Ever, Jane also has to fight her own insecurities as well as the doubts of those who don't think she can live up to her new role as Champion.

Along the way, Jane learns that some heroes are born. Some are made. And some are bribed with promises of food and sex."

Firstly, Nicole Peeler was so nice when I met her at the RT Convention back in April. Secondly, England, need I say more?

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:00 AM 0 comments  

Labels: A Midsumer Tights Dream, Doctor Who, Douglas Adams, Dust Girl, Jane True, Louise Rennison, Nicole Peeler, Sarah Zettel, Shada, Tallulah Casey, Tempest's Fury

Withering Tights by Louise Rennison
Published by: HarperTeen
Publication Date: June 28th, 2011
Format: Hardcover, 288Pages
Rating: ★★★
To Buy
Tallulah Casey has gotten into an "elite" school for performing arts for the summer in the Yorkshire Dales, Dother Hall. If she's deemed worthy at the end of her time there she'll be able to stay on as a full time student.  She's soon wondering if she made the right decision. This land of the Brontes is one she doesn't know. Plus, she doesn't know anybody. She's staying with a family who are very outdoorsy, have two young boys and have decorated her room with squirrels. She has the slippers to prove they're a little nutty. Then there's the marauding youths of the village, Cain and his brothers, who also happen to be a band. Luckily Tallulah quickly makes friends with Vaisey, a girl who is also going to Dother Hall but is staying at the local pub, The Blind Pig, till her room is ready, and the pub owners daughter, Ruby. Soon she's in a world of eccentric actors in a crumbling pile of a hall, it does tend to have random leaks and fires, while trying to navigate the fog that is puberty. Why do boys act like they do? And why is Cain always around and Ruby's brother never around enough? If she's unable to secure her place in the school she will never be able to answer these question or stay with her new friends.

It seems to me that Louise Rennison just took the majority of traits possessed in her previous iconic character, Georgia Nicholson, and inverted them. Where Georgia was rather short and well endowed, here we have a gangly girl who's flat chested, and also happens to be related to Georgia. Georgia was confident, Tallulah isn't. Also, of course there are older boys, and a band, as per Georgia's tale, an owl versus a cat, and two annoying young boys versus one little sister. I guess I was just expecting something different or more from Louise's newest venture. This seemed more of the same with a new cast of character transposed to Yorkshire. While I love Louise's style, after ten Georgia Nicholson books it got kind of stale, and I don't feel that this was different enough to add something new to the repertoire. Plus, I thought the writing might mature, with perhaps an older character, instead she went younger, with Tallulah being 14. The diary style is also not helping the plot. While it worked for Georgia, it's not working for Tallulah. She's supposed to have this innate sense of humor while acting, embodying everything from an owl to Heathcliff wannabe Cain with perfection. We don't see this, we just hear that "everyone thought I was wonderful." This makes Tallulah a flat character, much like her chest. Show don't tell! Let us discover for ourselves her innate acting ability, don't just tell us what she was told by others.

I don't mean to be all mean and rag on this book. It was a fun quick read by an author who is very good at capturing the loopy, the loony and the off-putting. I just expected more. More plot, more adventure and less retreading of the same ground. I'm hoping that in the next book this series will take off in a way it hasn't yet. There are so many areas ripe for parody with teenagers and the literature of The Brontes. I just hope that Louise doesn't waste them and have Cain be a pale imitation of Heathcliff and then draw the series out for another decade.

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:00 AM 0 comments  

Labels: Bronte, Georgie Nicholson, Louise Rennison, Tallulah Casey, Withering Tights, Wuthering Heights, Yorkshire