Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Book Review - Louise Rennison's The Taming of the Tights

The Taming of the Tights by Louise Rennison
Published by: HarperTeen
Publication Date: September 17th, 2013
Format: Hardcover, 256 Pages
Rating: ★★
To Buy

Tallulah Casey, despite any sign of talent or acting ability, is back at Dother Hall in Yorkshire learning to be dramatic in a school with barmy teachers whose credentials are dubious. But school doesn't matter, only boys do. Tallulah is denying that she had a moment with the Dark Black Crow of Heckmondwhite, Cain, and instead thinking about the unattainable Alex and the taken Charlie. Sadly, her moment with Cain has led to the Bottomly sisters threatening her, but what can they do really? I mean, their mother has been trying to shoot Cain for months and has only succeeded in killing a goat. At the school they are trying to find ways to raise money to get a roof again and running water. The local reform academy for boys might just have some monetary interest, but what is the future of the Hall when Charlie has dumped his girlfriend and agreed to go out with Tallulah! Cain and everyone else be damned, especially Lulah's uncontrollable knees. She has a chance with Charlie!

Somebody stop me from reading these books. I mean it, seriously I need an intervention. What was once fun and unique is now a chore. Rennison just keeps writing the same book over and over again and never having any plot or any anything. And people are seriously giving this book five stars? Is it just nostalgia for your childhood? Because, bizarre rap battles and owlets do not make a book. And how is Honey a star in Hollywood? She has a severe lisp! I seriously can almost not be bothered to write this review because Louise was obviously not bothered to write a half-way decent book. Therefore in the tradition of Georgie Nicholson and Tallulah Casey, here is a list like you'd see in the appendix of these books, it's all I can be bothered to do.

What Louise Rennison can do:

  • Funny dialogue
  • Create awkward situations that are humorous
  • Skewer classic plays
  • Barmy characters
  • Insane pets
  • Broody Bronte Boys
What Louise Rennison can't do: 
  • Write a book with a plot
  • Evolve beyond the love triangle (quadrangle?) premise
  • Give us any reason to understand why Tallulah is talented or liked
  • Have the time frame of a book be longer then a few weeks
  • Write this series anymore
What Louise Rennison must stop relying on: 
  • Viking Helmets
  • Concerts/plays being the moment the book builds to
  • Creepy guy moments (Charlie likes her because she is vulnerable? What?)
  • Snog lists
  • "Named" groups of friends, ie, Ace Gang, Tree Sisters
  • Repetitive inner dialogue
  • Insane pets (she's used it once too often, move on)
  • Boycrazy girls
  • Weird lesbian jokes
Rastafari, out yo!


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