The Spiderwick Chronicles
When my mom became interested in something she became obsessed with it. This could work in my favor, or, like the Christmas the Badgers went to the Rose Bowl, it could backfire magnificently. I'm not now nor never have been a football fan but at one point I had more Rose Bowl sweatshirts and hats than I could count. But I really benefited when she became obsessed with The Spiderwick Chronicles. This happened in 2008, which as fans of the series will know is when the movie adaptation starring Freddie Highmore came out. For my birthday I got notebooks and field guides and the deluxe collector's trunk. I got it all. So while I didn't love the movie, though I will admit to balling uncontrollably when David Strathaim and Joan Plowright were reunited at the end, I did love the books. Because the books are amazing, just simply magical. They made me feel like I felt when I first discovered the joys of reading as a kid. The story, the illustrations, everything about them made me fall in love with reading all over again. So I was over the moon when I heard about the new adaptation. Then devastated when Disney+ shelved it. I mean, cut Christian Slater a break already! First you pull Willow, which he was magnificent in, and then you decide to not even air The Spiderwick Chronicles!?! At least, in this instance, Roku came to the rescue. I still wish someone would do the same for Willow dammit. And this show works for one reason and one reason only, Daddy Christian Slater. He is magnificent as Mulgarath. So yes, I was rooting for the villain. I can almost, almost, even forgive him from eating Madisynn King from She-Hulk: Attorney at Law. Almost. Random aside, anyone else wondering why the magician who accidentally got Madisynn sucked through an inter-dimensional portal was also present? Oh wait, this was a Disney+ show originally and they're all about synergy when they're not about shelving shows to save a buck. OK, so that makes some sense to me now. Back to Christian Slater. I don't think I'm the target audience for this show and yet I'm probably the one getting the most enjoyment out of it and it's serious Legend vibes. Because while anyone can relate to the moral ambiguity of who are monsters? The actual monsters or man, the "problem child" Jared is the biggest "problem" in this show. His entire family talk about him creating scenes and being the reason they've had to move, and yet it's just them telling us this, we never really see this until he beats the shit out of his best friend, which makes him irrediable in my mind. And how did he get expelled for a really bad comic with an obvious interpretation? He's so one dimensional and his "problems" are so vague that I just didn't care about him. I kept want Christian Slater to show up and do another evil puppet show. I mean seriously, we are in the Christian Slater renaissance. I know most people date this to his role on Mr. Robot almost a decade ago, but I'm saying that it's really now. So do I want a second season? If they fleshed out the humans more, possibly... But seeing as things are very up in the air Christian Slater-wise... It's a no go for me if he's not in it. I'd call him Daddy any day.
I grew up during the height of Hulkamania, and yes, I am purposely misapply the name to the Bill Bixby/Lou Ferrigno version of The Incredible Hulk even if it technically preceded the official start date of the Vince McMahon/Hulk Hogan propaganda machine by about a year. So Hulkamania, for me, meant that I was living a terrifying nightmare. The Incredible Hulk started the year before I was born and ended when I was three. Yet somehow I saw it. I have no fond memories of the show, watching a normal human turn into a giant green monster which I totally believed was real and was out to kill everyone was like watching my nightmares become real. In fact all my earliest nightmares involved superheroes who were evil, make of that what you will. Lou Ferrigno painted green with what was that, a wig, or did they just dye his hair green, was too much for me. To this day the opening credits are triggering. This has led to me never really liking the Hulk. I've seen none of the movies where Hulk stared, I've only seen the ones where he's a secondary character. Friends were like Ang Lee has made a Hulk film, you loved Sense and Sensibility so let's go! And that was a hard no from me. So yes, my decision to watch She-Hulk does seem like an odd one, because she's basically just sexy hulk, which to me is a total contradiction of everything I believe in. And also I'm not the biggest fan of Tatiana Maslany. I'm sorry, I just DO NOT get all the love for Orphan Black. I tried. I really did, but like the accents were too much of the comedic stereotype variety, and not in a good way, not that there's any way cultural stereotypes are good. And they're literally rebooting it, I just can not. And then the trailer for She-Hulk dropped. And oh my, the CGI fail was so hard it was ridiculous. Seriously, what was going on with her hair? Was she underwater? All this goes to show that I had no expectations of this show being in any way watchable so I was more than pleasantly surprised. I couldn't believe that She-Hulk became a show I looked forward to every week. She-Hulk!?! It's funny, it's irreverent, she smashes the forth wall and Daredevil! But what really sold me on it from that first night of watching was how Jennifer Walters was able to instantly control her ability to Hulk out because being a woman means you always are holding the rage in. This show was written for all the women out there who were like, nothing in the Marvel universe has spoken to me, it's too dark, it's too depressing, and it's not written for us. Which is why all the manbabies out there are freaking out over it. I'm sorry, but this show wasn't for you, it never was, it was for me, cheesy CGI that somehow fits the show's aesthetic and all. So in answer to the question posed by the finale title, "Whose Show Is This?" It's mine! Which means I get Wongers and Madisynn! Have any objection and I'll smash you!
