Book Review - Alexis Hall's Fire and Water
Published by: Carina Press
Publication Date: February 24th, 2020
Format: Kindle, 278 Pages
Rating: ★
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Artie King is nothing more than a thug backed up with a granny from hell. OK technically he's a wizard, but he's also a skinhead and a gangster so thug covers all bases. Ten years ago when Kate and Nimue were together they fought him for the soul of the city. Nim won on a technicality, Artie King went to the clink. She's been the Witch Queen of London ever since. Only now Artie King is back and he wants London. Kate owes fealty to Nim but oddly enough that oath isn't what brings her back into the orbit of Artie King. That happens because of a job. The Merchant of Dreams had their shop broken into and a bust of Napoleon was stolen. Sadly Kate has a bad history with that bust. It's the reason her partner is dead and she's running her business with a living statue named Elise. Corin Black is the worst of femme fatales, you actually fall for her routine. Each and every time. You know being around her means certain death and yet you can't help yourself. No one can. Corin was looking for the statue when she and Kate had their first run in. She finally found the bust she was looking for, there were mulitple busts, it's like a story written by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, but to protect the bust she pawned it to the Merchant of Dreams. Now someone has the bust and the Merchant has hired Kate to find it because it turns out Corin's obsession with the bust was because of what was inside; The Tears of Hypnos, capable of reshaping reality in the right hands. And Kate finds out that Artie King has gotten his hands on them. Or that was the plan until Corin showed up. Now the werewolves have them and it's just a big mess. Because even though Kate has been able to track the movements of the Tears she doesn't physically have them, and that wasn't the deal she made with the Merchant. And the Merchant is someone who understands deals. Intimately. Therefore it's up to Kate to broker a deal with the werewolves to give the tears to Nim so that she can win the battle for the soul of London and defeat Artie King once and for all. Only no matter how simple that may sound, life is never simple for Kate. Because there are kidnappings and side trips to hell and bargains made and vampires. And while she's not looking, the vampires might be Kate's biggest threat and weakness. After all, she is dating the Prince of Cups.
I naively thought that the length of time between the second and third volume might have indicated that the writing would have improved. Because writers do grow and become more polished. Sadly, this was not the case. Thankfully the amount of Twilight references have gone down, but oddly this made things worse. Because I wasn't focusing my rage on Alexis Hall using another author's work as lazy exposition the one-dimensionality of all the characters was even more apparent. If it wasn't for Elise I don't think I could have even gotten through this book. All Kate does is traipse about London in varying levels of injury, not really accomplishing much, but causing havoc in her wake with minimal plot. Or as Kate herself said utilizing "a loose collection of randoms, most of whom I've slept with" for information and help. This results in a sameness to the three volumes I've read making me dread reading the forth. The books weren't well written the first or second time around and the third time isn't the charm. But there is Elise. The Pygmalion of it all. Which, because of the age of the myth, has been used time and time again. I mean, they even did a Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode that dealt exactly with the abandonment issues that Elise is processing. And Alexis Hall is no Jane Espenson. And yet Elise has a certain turn of phrase that makes her memorable. Her fascination for objects and their feelings, like how she wouldn't let Kate get rid of their destroyed car, gives her a depth. The love she has of temperature variations and textures is delightful. As is just the cadence of how she speaks. She has her own patois that it just adorable. And due to the storyline we finally get to learn more about her creation and world and how she wasn't the first or the last creation of Russel, he of "they're not comics they're graphic novels." Elise has "sisters." And they are all at different stages of her development. Beth, the eldest, is more developed and jaded, Alissa is the second youngest and still in the subservient phase, while Lisbeth is newborn. Part of me really wanted to just have them be the stars. And then Alexis Hall granted my wish and I realized I really need to be careful what I wish for because while Elise is interesting, she is more interesting seen through Kate's eyes. When she has control of the narrative somehow she loses her magic. Even her language loses it's luster. I think that was the last straw and the scales fell from my eyes. This series just isn't for me. But I'm willing to be proven wrong.
