strange and random happenstance

The Feather Thief by Kirk Wallace Johnson
Published by: Penguin Books
Publication Date: April 24th, 2018
Format: Paperback, 336 Pages
Rating: ★★★
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The Natural History Museum at Tring started it's life as the private museum of the 2nd Baron Rothschild who was often seen riding his zebra-drawn carriage around the estate. On his death the Rothschild family donated the museum and its contents to the nation. This suburban outpost of the British Museum of Natural History has many taxidermied specimens on display but its real wealth isn't for the public to see. This wealth consists of one of the largest orinthological collections in the world. Some of the bird skins within the museum were collected by Alfred Russel Wallace, a contemporary of Darwin. Which makes the crime that was about to happen not just egomaniacal but incalculably horrific in its impact to the study of the natural world. On June 24th, 2009, the museum was broken into and 299 specimens were stolen. Even if the specimens were recovered their scientific value was now worthless. The perpetrator was an American student, a flautist, Edwin Rist, who was caught and pled guilty over a year after the crime was committed. But why did Edwin break into an inconspicuous outpost of the British Natural History Museum? Edwin was a master fly-tier and had come up against the problem all master fly-tiers do in the modern era; what do you do when you want to recreate a specific salmon fly from the Victorian era but the bird feathers needed come from extinct species? There are those who find substitutions, but there are those, like Edwin, who would accept no substitutes and he figured out a way to get his hands on Victorian birds. It just so happened it was very illegal. Not to mention immoral. He could possibly have gotten away with it if he hadn't become greedy. The internet is full of people looking for illegal goods, it just so happens that Edwin was willing to share his. For a price. A retired detective at a fly-tier convention thought the bird skins he saw were suspect. They looked to be museum quality because they were. They had been a part of the Tring Heist. To protect themselves the fly-tier community turned on Edwin, much to his surprise. But he had a good lawyer, a willing doctor, and, in the end, to the uneducated, it was only dead birds after all. Yet one question remained, what happened to the specimens that were never recovered? Kirk Wallace Johnson was determined to find out.

The Feather Thief is an odd book. I say odd because it's built on a three act structure that should and traditionally does work but here falls flat. We start with the history, move onto the crime, and then round it out with the hunt for answers. And the problem lies in Kirk Wallace Johnson's hunt for answers. He latched onto this case because he took up fly-fishing to help with his PTSD from doing years of aid work in Iraq and it gave him an escape from his own problems. Which means he had a vested interest in tracking down Edwin Rist and the missing specimens. While he has worked as a journalist his writing in the third act felt very amateurish. His drive didn't spark in me a desire for resolution, it sparked in me a desire that the book should have been edited a little better. Because, don't get me wrong, this is a really good book, the first two acts are wonderful. Which makes his naivete about the true crime genre that much more glaring. But seriously, I don't want to focus on the negative in this review, I want to focus on the positive. Because, damn, I really should have known more about "feather fever." I watch enough costume dramas and read enough books that I can see with my own eyes the fetish for feathers that the Victorians engendered. I just had no idea it was this crazy. When the Titanic went down the most valuable thing they were carrying in their hull was feathers. That is just crazy to me. Tons and tons of feathers are down at the bottom of the ocean with all those lost souls and that one crazy billionaire and his family. My Dad used to tell the tale of an artist his gallery represented. Owen J. Gromme, while being a painter of the natural world, started out working for various museums and took several trips to Africa. On one trip he was with a member of the royal family of Britain and the carcasses of animals and birds was so vast that he was overcome with disgust. This story is why I shouldn't have been surprised by Edwin Rist. Humans will always seek to kill what is beautiful to claim it as theirs. Be it beasts or birds, they are covetous and horrible. The only justification for all the dead birds that Alfred Russel Wallace brought back was the scientific developments that could arise from the wholesale slaughter of now extinct birds. But Edwin Rist took that all away. He was a selfish boy who did not get punished as he should have. Where he is now matters not. Only the void he left matters.

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:00 AM 0 comments  

Labels: Alfred Russel Wallace, Birds, Edwin Rist, Feather Fever, Fly Fishing, For the Love of Book Clubs, Kirk Wallace Johnson, Owen J. Gromme, The Feather Thief, The Natural History Museum at Tring, Titanic, True Crime

You literally CAN NOT think or talk about Masterpiece Theatre without thinking or talking about Upstairs, Downstairs. They are inseparable. One can not mention Jean Marsh without thinking of Rose Buck. Or Gordon Jackson without actually believing that he might be Hudson, foibles, xenophobia, and all. Each season focused on the trials and tribulations of the Bellamy household and how they handled different crisis, from Elizabeth's imprudent marriage, to Lady Marjorie dying on the Titanic, to James's imprudent marriage, to World War I, to the roaring twenties and the bright young things, to that tragic ending! Oh James, how could you? The family had often faced financial ruin, but somehow there always was a way. There could have been a way if you had but tried! But I can see that the showrunners wanted to end on a dramatic note. What's interesting about the forth series is that we have perhaps the most sustained theme over any of the other series, that being World War I. Of course Upstairs, Downstairs handles even this most used of historical periods in their own unique way. This uniqueness is that we see how the war effects everyone at 165 Eaton Place. So yes, we get the tropes of the son being almost mortally wounded and nursed back to health by the woman he truly loves, who happens to not be his wife. As for the wife, she falls for someone else yet somehow they keep up the pretense of their marriage despite neither being happy. Yet what I'm drawn to is how the staff took part in the war. You rarely get to see how the everyday folk pitched in, other than knitting socks and balaclavas! Hudson becomes a Special Constable and helps police the streets because he is unable to serve, Rose works on an omnibus, Edward joins the Army, Ruby works in a munitions factory, everyone finds a way to help the war effort while also carrying out their regular duties, well, aside from Mrs. Bridges who just seems to be angry about the lack of produce and wants to hoard everything she can. Which seems very relevant today, as did the handling of the tricky topic of disinformation in the press with regards to the war. Upstairs, Downstairs was praised at the time for making history timely and relevant. And with season four ending with Hazel dying from the 1918 influenza pandemic, it's even more relevant today.

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:00 AM 0 comments  

Labels: 165 Eaton Place, Bellamy, Bright Young Things, Fifty Years a Masterpiece, Hazel, Hudson, Knitting, Lady Marjorie, Marriage, Matserpiece Theatre, Mrs. Bridges, Pandemic, Rose Buck, Titanic, Upstairs Downstairs, WWI

The old saying is "if it ain't broke, don't fix it," and that is exactly what Julian Fellowes did with Downton Abbey. He took the classic premise of Upstairs, Downstairs and basically remade it to laudatory reviews. Yes, there are changes here and there, but seeing as I just did a rewatch of Upstairs, Downstairs, literally starting it about thirty days after seeing the Downton Abbey movie, I could see how eerily similar they are. Fortunes changed because of the sinking of the Titanic, check, daughters up to no good, check, rape, check, conception issues, check, closeted gay staff, check, concern over a royal visit, check, integration of families, check, bright young things, check, the list goes on and on and on, all just slight variations on a theme. And I really think that's why Downton Abbey became such a worldwide phenomenon. It tapped into the nostalgia that everyone felt not just for bygone days but also for Upstairs, Downstairs. The irony being that Downton Abbey's success scuppered the Upstairs, Downstairs reboot. But how could 165 Eaton Place compete with a house the likes of Highclere Castle? And the truth is, I fell right in love with this show like everyone else. I didn't care that I'd seen it all before, the truth is no one can deliver a line like Maggie Smith and that alone made this show perfection. I remember watching the premiere up in my library all by myself and about half way through I realized that everyone in my family wouldn't just want to watch the show, they would love it. So I literally dragged everyone who was still awake into the TV room and put the show on. I knew I had everyone hooked, especially my dad, when Robert runs out onto the drive to stop Bates from leaving and my dad was sobbing. Yes Julian Fellowes, you hooked us with one episode and thankfully after all that twisting on the hook you gave us not just one happily ever after, but you came back and did a movie which at the time I felt unnecessary, but once I saw it I knew how much I needed the Crawleys in my life. 

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:00 AM 0 comments  

Labels: 165 Eaton Place, Bates, Crawleys, Downton Abbey, Fifty Years a Masterpiece, Highclere Castle, Julian Fellowes, Maggie Smith, Reboot, Remake, Robert Crawley, Titanic, Upstairs Downstairs

The Animals at Lockwood Manor by Jane Healey
Published by: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt
Publication Date: March 10th, 2020
Format: Hardcover, 352 Pages
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The official patter:
"A debut novel for fans of Sarah Perry and Kate Morton: when a young woman is tasked with safeguarding a natural history collection as it is spirited out of London during World War II, she discovers her new manor home is a place of secrets and terror instead of protection.

In August 1939, thirty-year-old Hetty Cartwright arrives at Lockwood Manor to oversee a natural history museum collection, whose contents have been taken out of London for safekeeping. She is unprepared for the scale of protecting her charges from party guests, wild animals, the elements, the tyrannical Major Lockwood and Luftwaffe bombs. Most of all, she is unprepared for the beautiful and haunted Lucy Lockwood.

For Lucy, who has spent much of her life cloistered at Lockwood suffering from bad nerves, the arrival of the museum brings with it new freedoms. But it also resurfaces memories of her late mother, and nightmares in which Lucy roams Lockwood hunting for something she has lost.

When the animals appear to move of their own accord, and exhibits go missing, they begin to wonder what exactly it is that they might need protection from. And as the disasters mount up, it is not only Hetty’s future employment that is in danger, but her own sanity too. There’s something, or someone, in the house. Someone stalking her through its darkened corridors..."

I JUST read a book (The Feather Thief) that was a crime of opportunity that came about directly because of the moving of the contents of the Natural History Museum out of London in WWII and then I read the description of this book and go, "I MUST READ THIS TOO!"

A Murderous Relation by Deanna Raybourn
Published by: Berkley
Publication Date: March 10th, 2020
Format: Hardcover, 320 Pages
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The official patter:
"A royal scandal’s connection to a brutal serial killer threatens London in this new Veronica Speedwell adventure from New York Times bestselling and Edgar® Award-nominated author Deanna Raybourn.

Autumn 1888. Veronica Speedwell and her colleague Stoker are asked by Lady Wellingtonia Beauclerk to stop a potential scandal so explosive it threatens to rock the monarchy. Prince Albert Victor is a regular visitor to the most exclusive private club in London, and the proprietress, Madame Aurore, has received an expensive gift that can be traced back to the prince. Lady Wellie would like Veronica and Stoker to retrieve it from the club before scandal can break.

Worse yet, London is being terrorized by what would become the most notorious and elusive serial killer in history, Jack the Ripper - and Lady Wellie suspects the prince may be responsible. Veronica and Stoker reluctantly agree to go undercover at Madame Auroreʼs high-class brothel, where a body soon turns up. Secrets are swirling around Veronica and the royal family - and it is up to Veronica and Stoker to find the truth, before it is too late for all of them."

A new Deanna Raybourn book is a celebration in my house! Now if she'd only bring her book tour somewhere near the Midwest sometime...

The Deep by Alma Katsu
Published by: G.P. Putnam's Sons
Publication Date: March 10th, 2020
Format: Hardcover, 432 Pages
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The official patter:
"From the acclaimed and award-winning author of The Hunger comes an eerie, psychological twist on one of the world's most renowned tragedies, the sinking of the Titanic and the ill-fated sail of its sister ship, the Britannic.

Someone, or something, is haunting the ship. Between mysterious disappearances and sudden deaths, the guests of the Titanic have found themselves suspended in an eerie, unsettling twilight zone from the moment they set sail. Several of them, including maid Annie Hebley, guest Mark Fletcher, and millionaires Madeleine Astor and Benjamin Guggenheim, are convinced there's something sinister - almost otherwordly - afoot. But before they can locate the source of the danger, as the world knows, disaster strikes.

Years later, Annie, having survived that fateful night, has attempted to put her life back together. Working as a nurse on the sixth voyage of the Titanic's sister ship, the Britannic, newly refitted as a hospital ship, she happens across an unconscious Mark, now a soldier fighting in World War I. At first, Annie is thrilled and relieved to learn that he too survived the sinking, but soon, Mark's presence awakens deep-buried feelings and secrets, forcing her to reckon with the demons of her past - as they both discover that the terror may not yet be over.

Brilliantly combining the supernatural with the height of historical disaster, The Deep is an exploration of love and destiny, desire and innocence, and, above all, a quest to understand how our choices can lead us inexorably toward our doom."

Disasters as sea have always intrigued me. Through an a supernatural element and I'm hooked. 

The Mirror and the Light by Hilary Mantel
Published by: Henry Holt and Co.
Publication Date: March 10th, 2020
Format: Hardcover, 784 Pages
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The official patter:
"With The Mirror and the Light, Hilary Mantel brings to a triumphant close the trilogy she began with her peerless, Booker Prize-winning novels, Wolf Hall and Bring Up the Bodies. She traces the final years of Thomas Cromwell, the boy from nowhere who climbs to the heights of power, offering a defining portrait of predator and prey, of a ferocious contest between present and past, between royal will and a common man’s vision: of a modern nation making itself through conflict, passion and courage.

The story begins in May 1536: Anne Boleyn is dead, decapitated in the space of a heartbeat by a hired French executioner. As her remains are bundled into oblivion, Cromwell breakfasts with the victors. The blacksmith’s son from Putney emerges from the spring’s bloodbath to continue his climb to power and wealth, while his formidable master, Henry VIII, settles to short-lived happiness with his third queen, Jane Seymour.

Cromwell, a man with only his wits to rely on, has no great family to back him, no private army. Despite rebellion at home, traitors plotting abroad and the threat of invasion testing Henry’s regime to the breaking point, Cromwell’s robust imagination sees a new country in the mirror of the future. All of England lies at his feet, ripe for innovation and religious reform. But as fortune’s wheel turns, Cromwell’s enemies are gathering in the shadows. The inevitable question remains: how long can anyone survive under Henry’s cruel and capricious gaze?

Eagerly awaited and eight years in the making, The Mirror and the Light completes Cromwell’s journey from self-made man to one of the most feared, influential figures of his time. Portrayed by Mantel with pathos and terrific energy, Cromwell is as complex as he is unforgettable: a politician and a fixer, a husband and a father, a man who both defied and defined his age."

This is one of those "I've been meaning to read that" series. Now I can read the whole trilogy in one go!

The Secret of the Grande Chateau by Dr. Cecil H.H. Mills
Published by: Permuted Press
Publication Date: March 10th, 2020
Format: Hardcover, 224 Pages
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The official patter:
"THE FIRST OFFICIAL NOVEL FROM GAME GRUMPS.

Listen up, kid. My name is Dr. Cecil H.H. Mills. I’m the author of this book and many other ones that you might not have heard of. This book is about two idiot wannabe detective-types. Their names are J.J. and Valentine Watts, but I’m not sure if they’re actually brothers or not.

They make a friend; her name is Trudi de la Rosa. She’s a wannabe detective-type too, but honestly, she’s less of an idiot than the brothers.

The three of them team up to solve a mystery that takes place in a snowy chateau up in the mountains. It gets more complicated around chapter 11, but now you’ve got the main gist of it. The story’s full of intrigue and adventure and puzzles and light violence and some swear words. It’s really entertaining.

Just buy the book and start reading. You’ll understand everything about the Ghost Hunters Adventure Club very soon."

This looks like a fun Nancy Drew/Hardy Boys spoof. 

The Queen's Bargain by Anne Bishop
Published by: Ace
Publication Date: March 10th, 2020
Format: Hardcover, 432 Pages
To Buy

The official patter:
"POWER HAS A PRICE. SO DOES LOVE.

Return to the dark, sensual, and powerful world of the Black Jewels in this long-awaited new story in the New York Times bestselling fantasy saga.

After a youthful mistake, Lord Dillon's reputation is in tatters, leaving him vulnerable to aristo girls looking for a bit of fun. To restore his reputation and honor, he needs a handfast - a one-year contract of marriage. He sets his sights on Jillian, a young Eyrien witch from Ebon Rih, who he believes has only a flimsy connection to the noble society that spurned him. Unfortunately for Dillon, he is unaware of Jillian's true connections until he finds himself facing Lucivar Yaslana, the volatile Warlord Prince of Ebon Rih.

Meanwhile, Surreal SaDiablo's marriage is crumbling. Daemon Sadi, the Warlord Prince of Dhemlan, recognizes there is something wrong between him and Surreal, but he doesn't realize that his attempt to suppress his own nature in order to spare his wife is causing his mind to splinter. To save Daemon, and the Realm of Kaeleer if he breaks, help must be sought from someone who no longer exists in any of the Realms - the only Queen powerful enough to control Daemon Sadi. The Queen known as Witch.

As Jillian rides the winds of first love with Dillon, Daemon and Surreal struggle to survive the wounds of a marriage turned stormy - and Lucivar has to find a way to keep everyone in his family safe...even from each other."

What's even cooler that a new Anne Bishop book? One of her stops on her tour is with Patricia Briggs!

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:00 AM 0 comments  

Labels: Alma Katsu, Anne Bishop, Black Jewels, Cromwell, Deanna Raybourn, Dr. Cecil H.H. Mills, Hilary Mantel, Jane Healey, Nancy Drew, The Feather Thief, Titanic, Tuesday Tomorrow, Veronica Speedwell, WWII

Manor of Secrets by Katherine Longshore
ARC Provided by the Publisher
Published by: Point
Publication Date: January 28th, 2014
Format: Hardcover, 320 Pages
Rating: ★★
To Buy

The garden party is stifling and Lady Charlotte would give anything to break free of the watchful eye of her mother, Lady Diane. She spies a servant sneaking off into the woods and daringly she follows. Janie is nothing more than a kitchen maid but as Charlotte watches her servant reveling in the shallows of the lake she wishes for such freedom. Charlotte has so many dreams and ambitions that are unacceptable for lady. She wishes for nothing more then to write and marry for love. But fantasizing about the footman is one thing, actually acting on those impulses are another, though kissing a servant might not be as alien to Charlotte's mother as Charlotte thinks. With the arrival of Charlotte's Aunt Beatrice hours before the shooting party The Manor has been turned on it's head. Yet Charlotte can not understand why the return of a relative she never knew of is causing such chaos. She needs information and everyone knows that servants know everything. Turning to Janie Charlotte breaches the rigid divide between upstairs and down. The two forge a tenuous friendship confined by societal expectations, but even trying to work within these strictures they are both jeopardizing more than they know. Can Charlotte find a way to live within her world and find love where she least expects it? Can Janie hold onto her position and her home with Charlotte undermining her? And what does a secret pregnancy from the past hold in store for these two girls divided by more then a baize door?

Manor of Secrets is an odd little book because it comes across that it doesn't quite know what it wants to be when it grows up. Much like the upstairs heroine Charlotte this book is in the midst of an identity crisis. The main issue I take is I don't know who the audience for this book is. It claims to be YA yet it feels Middle Grade. The simplistic writing, the laughable "secret," the overly large font used to bump up the page count, if there was a category somewhere between YA and Middle Grade, it might just fit there, but towards the Middle Grade end of the spectrum. While as a reader categorization doesn't matter to me so much as a good story, I will read anything, but knowing the intended audience sometimes helps you with your expectations. Especially if the story isn't catching you perhaps it's because of the author "writing down" to her audience, which in my mind is never acceptable, but alas, happens quite frequently. While I have bemoaned another "secrets" series I can't help feeling that for how much I disliked that series the characters actually had a little more depth, and that is a sentence I never thought I'd write.

The simplistic writing causes merry havoc with the story, dragging it down to a flat and superficial level. The lack of depth and detail is astounding considering that this book runs to over three hundred pages, see previous mention of font size. The great manor house that everyone lives in is literally called "The Manor." Um, could you think of a more generic and bland name oh author? I mean seriously, you couldn't come up with, oh, I don't know, anything more original than using the word that actually describes what kind of house it is? Heck, your last name "Longshore" could have been a better name than "The Manor." This lack of originality actually shines light onto the stupidity of Charlotte and her inability to see beneath the surface of someone. This "teaching moment" that smacks of moralizing Middle Grade reads isn't hard to understand when you look at the bigger picture. Charlotte lives in a simplistic two-dimensional world, it makes sense that she wouldn't be able to grasp three-dimensionality, it's beyond her ken. She doesn't get that people have depth and that you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover because in her world depth doesn't exist!

Continuing on to the upstairs/downstairs dynamic, the simplicity remains and makes this dynamic off. You have the "good" servants and the "bad" servants and no one can reside in a grey area. I SAY NO ONE! And the upstairs and downstairs people must be completely ignorant of each other because never the twain shall meet! Yet within their realms everything is just peachy and keen because everyone knows their place. Yes, they natter on about this radical concept of "change" but does anyone actually change? Oh no, that would be too radical and too multidimensional! When you look at what is really going on, the love affairs, the relationship dynamics, you should have a drama on the scale of Gosford Park with someone meeting the pointy end of a knife! Instead you get snide comments, from the bad, reassurances, from the good, and everything working out. Seriously? I really kept dwelling on Gosford Park and how the upstairs/downstairs dynamic when concerning a pregnancy shows the class iniquities and the abuse of power but here that isn't even addressed. With the world apparently changing, or so the rumors go, shouldn't this stop the culture of silence that is pervasive in this class system?

But then again, the truth of Charlotte's parentage isn't even viewed in a negative light except by those "bad" people. This is what, 1910 or so, the Titanic is under construction, and yet the heroine is all, "Hey everything is awesome, I have a sister." Once again pointing out how dim her world view is. She would be ostracized from society, she would be ruined, and instead she gets everything she wants! Perhaps living in a two-dimensional world has it's benefits, like being to totally ignore the reality of a situation? Yet there's something distinctly off in my mind about what the friendship between Lanie and Charlotte really says. Yes they are friends, but it only seems to be condoned because it turns out they are half-sisters. Would this class and rank defying friendship been accepted if they were just friends? If they had no blood ties at all? While the book would like you to think so, I don't think that's the actual truth. I think this is the one aspect where the book is right and is hiding a darker secret in plain sight. Their relationship is unconventional, yet somehow allowable because of this familial bond. While the "bad" people might still frown upon it, it is not as shocking as it could be and therefore fine.

In the end what everything boils down to is Beatrice. She is the catalyst for change. She represents the force of the future. Yet it is ironic that a person who went to such lengths to hide their sin would then be the one trying to destroy the system she bowed down to... but perhaps that's why she's doing it? One would hope, but again, two-dimensional shallows are being waded in here so that might be asking too much. Plus it's not like anyone likes her until the last ten pages. Throughout the book there's the theme of the world changing, but it's all talk and no action until the very end when Beatrice is like, I'm a suffragette, let's go be the change we want to see in the world. All while everyone is like, yeah, we're not sure about you and this whole actually standing for something thing. And then there's her household run completely by women. This makes you think two things, one she's removed temptation and therefore can't get pregnant again or two that she's a lesbian now. The whole women's suffrage doesn't even get on the radar until they're half-way out the door and on the way to Italy. Plus, just a question, the whole idea of woman's suffrage is equality. They want to be equal to men so shouldn't her household be staffed by the best no matter their gender? Equality NOT segregation. But that would require the book to actually look into causes and motivations and there is nothing here but surface.

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:00 AM 0 comments  

Labels: Downton Denial, Downton Denial Denouement, Downtonesque, Gosford Park, Katherine Longshore, Manor of Secrets, Middle Grade, Secrets of the Manor, Shallow, Suffrage, Suffragettes, Titanic, Upstairs Downstairs, YA

Jurassic Park
Based on the book by Michael Crichton
Starring: Sam Neill, Laura Dern, Jeff Goldblum, Richard Attenborough, Ariana Richards, Joseph Mazzello, Bob Peck, Martin Ferrero, Wayne Knight, Samuel L. Jackson, Cameron Thor, Miguel Sandoval, Gerald R. Molen, BD Wong, Richard Kiley, and Greg Burson
Release Date: June 11th, 1993
Rating: ★★
To Buy

After the death of a worker on his theme resort on an island off the coast of Costa Rica, John Hammond has to agree to an inspection that his investors are demanding through their lawyer Gennaro. Gennaro is bringing in the mathematician Ian Malcolm as his auditor, seeing as Malcolm did projections for the project and predicted it's failure. Hammond brings in paleontologist Doctor Grant and paleobotanist Doctor Sattler, as people with a vested interest in his idea as well as being dependant on his grant money to fund their dig. The truth of Jurassic Park is that they have brought dinosaurs back from extinction to serve as the attractions in an amusement park. Hammond has also brought his grandchildren so that his "guests" can see that the park is designed with children in mind. Of course no one listens to Malcolm's dire warnings and everyone is enraptured by the novelty and majesty on display, never thinking about the risks; and for some, only the monetary rewards. But it is one person thinking about his own monetary gain that puts everyone's lives in danger and the future of the park in jeopardy.

Prior to this past weekend I had only seen Jurassic Park the once. At the one dollar budget cinema. With my mom. After I read the book for my high school biology class. What can I say? There weren't Muppets in it, teenage me wrote it off. Of course I'd catch bits and pieces over the years on TV, those "famous" and "memorable" scenes that everyone remembers, but never did I sit down and watch it in it's entirety. Unlike the book which relied a little on that adolescent knowledge of dinosaurs that still resides in us all, there is no doubt in my mind that Spielberg made this movie for eleven year old boys; as evidenced by the fact that my brother has seen this film innumerable times in the theater and I'm sure if pushed could have recited the movie word for word. Re-watching it with him I was alerted to not only when the "big scenes" were coming up, but also when the funniest ones where, ie, when Tim gets electrocuted. Overall though I was left with this impression of mystification. This was the highest grossing film until Titanic came out? Seriously!?!

I really wish I could read the script that Crichton wrote, before the exposition and violence was removed; in other words, before talking DNA cartoons took over the exposition. It was like having that stupid talking paperclip in Word pop up to annoy you, offer no good advice, and then stick around long after he'd worn out his welcome. There is no way around the fact that Jurassic Park is schlocky! Yes, I know, I was shocked by schlock! That little talking DNA cartoon is symbolic of everything that went wrong with the new script from a man most known for the unwatchable Death Becomes Her. The plot was streamlined almost into irrelevance, the characters became more stereotypical, look at Doctor Sattler mooning over children and sighing wistfully over her ticking biological clock, Hammond isn't a bad guy, he's just an old showman, not that Spielberg would be that obvious to show his hand and his simulacrum, oh yes, he would. And how can we hook those eleven-year-old boys? Add bathroom humor. Literally. Gennaro, who in the book has depth as a family man and as a lawyer really steps it up to be a hero dies ignominiously on a toilet. What The Hell Spielberg! Plus dino snot! Oh, and, heaven forbid carnivore and herbivore are too complicated, let's call them meat-o-saurus and veggie-o-saurus.

If it wasn't for the dumbing down of themes and concepts, then time itself would have destroyed this film. Yes folks, it's time to talk about CGI. Old school CGI, which is exactly what Jurassic Park is, is laughable. I've heard it said that if I were to watch it on Blu-ray it would have been worse... but it was bad enough already. The majestic scenes of the dinos grazing across the fields looks like a bad children's book illustration, but really, it's the fake lake that made me laugh out loud. The truth is technology is changing so rapidly unless it's a physical effect whatever technology was used to make it is already obsolete by the time the movie comes out and as time goes on it looks worse and worse. Thankfully, and surprisingly, there aren't that many dinosaurs in the movie and quite a fair amount of them were made as animatronic. The animatronics hold up far better then any of the CGI, but there's still a schlockiness to them. There's a jitter to the dinosaurs that made me repeatedly think of Gremlins and other low budget horror films. Not to mention the baby raptor looks like the chestburster from Alien... a franchise Stan Winston and his team worked on, so, not that unfair a comparison. Unless you have some special connection to this film you will only be able to see all that is wrong and nothing that is right.

The main aspect of the film that as a designer drove me up the wall is that while in the book they are more then a year away from the launch of the Park and haven't yet moved onto branding and merchandise, here the park is fully branded thanks to Chip Kidd's iconic logo and get your t-shirts while they're hot! It should be noted the in the movie the park isn't opening for over a year as well. I want to know if this was a subtle way to make the "Park" seem real, more like Disneyland, or if it was just to sell merchandise. I want to think it was the former, but the cynic in me knows it was the later. Re-watching Jurassic Park I realized that the entire movie was made to sell merchandise to those rapt eleven-year-olds. As certain scenes came on my brother would be saying things like, oh, you could buy that raptor enclosure as a playset, or the whole visitor's center was another playset. In fact, he pointed out that Jurassic Park was the last big movie to bother with elaborate playsets. But not to fear, it didn't just have playsets and action figures! There were video games and t-shirts and stuffed animals. You name it, Jurassic Park had it. The biggest irony being the ride at Universal Studios! Seriously?!? Do you not get the irony here?

There are two redeeming factors to the film. The first is that Doctor Grant is insufferably rude to those annoyingly precocious children and it gave me some ersatz joy to see the snark seeing as for the entirety of the book I wanted those brats dead. Secondly, and most importantly, the genius that is Jeff Goldblum. It doesn't surprise me in the least that when a sequel was thought of they wanted it to be all about Ian Malcolm. Of course it had problems canonically because Crichton killed off Malcolm at the end of the first book, but that was easily solved with some retconning and a joke from The Princess Bride. Someone on this film had the genius idea to basically let Jeff Goldblum wander around set being Jeff Goldblum. He has a natural insouciance that is needed in the film, not to mention his wardrobe. The film distinctly gets progressively worse the less screen time he has. In fact, this film might have been the start of my Goldblum obsession, and yes, I do love Transylvania 6-5000, proving that I can love and embrace schlock; just the right kind, and Jurassic Park ain't it.

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:00 AM 0 comments  

Labels: Alien, Animatronics, Bathroom Humor, CGI, Chip Kidd, Crichton Celebration, Gremlin, Ian Malcolm, Jeff Goldblum, Jurassic Park, Merchandise, Michael Crichton, Steven Spielberg, Titanic, Toys, Transylvania 6-5000

If you haven't noticed by now I have a tendency to always cast the books I'm reading with actors from film and television. It's just a weird quirk of mine that I've always had, like the first time I read Harry Potter and saw Richard E. Grant as Lupin, an impression that stuck so thoroughly that whenever I watch the movies I can't help thinking how wrong they got it with David Thewlis. Not that I have anything wrong with him, well maybe he could be held accountable for The Island of Dr. Moreau, he's just not who I pictured. Ever since I started this blog I've started to share my odd little casting ideas, and I figured, well, why stop now when I have to tell you who I think should star in George Mann's books if (fingers crossed) they were ever to become a series.

Name: Ioan Gruffudd

"Dream" Character Casting for the George Mann Newbury and Hobbes Miniseries: Sir Maurice Newbury

First Impression: My love of Ioan is actually one of my very first big celebrity crushes. Because I have spent so much time hopelessly in love with his acting I actually don't remember the first time I sat up and took notice. I devoured everything he's ever been in from the oddly Welsh Very Annie Mary, to that horrid drug movie Shooters. But there's a part of me that's pretty sure, deep down, that it was his role as the doomed Philip Bosinney in The Forsyte Saga that captured my heart. Even if he did have some follicular issues...

Why they'd be the perfect actor for the Newbury and Hobbes Miniseries: Not only does Ioan have that upper class bearing, but there's a jovialness to him that makes me think the camaraderie with Veronica and the strolling off to fight crime arm in arm wouldn't come off as false being said by him. Yet there's a darkness that he is able to portray that makes it not seem impossible that he might dabble in the occult or various dangerous substances.

Lasting Impression: Horatio Hornblower. I mean how could this NOT be my lasting impression of him. I devoured this series from beginning to end in a very rapid fashion. I even became so obsessed with the time period of the show I watched all the DVD extras about ships and sailing, hence I know all about powder monkeys!

What else you've seen them in: Ioan is probably best known for his forays into blockbusters, starring in the Fantastic Four movies as Reed Richards, Mister Fantastic, and yes, I did sadly see this in the theaters, but it wasn't nearly as embarrassing as paying to see that horrid King Arthur adaptation. And I just saw that he was on a few episodes of Glee... ok, that's weird. Also he did a guest stint on Castle which made me realize why I'd fallen for him all those years earlier. Though the average person will probably know him for his string of failed or failing television shows, Century City, Ringer, and Forever. Though if I were you I'd totally check out Forever because it's campy fun with a Sherlock Holmes vibe, and it's his first show that I really hope won't be cancelled.

Can't believe it's them: He was in a Westlife video? OMG! This video for their cover of "Uptown Girl" is totally awesome and has Charles Bingley and Tim McInnerny from Blackadder in it! And the guy who left Edith at the altar in Downton Abbey! Though of course the version of "Uptown Girl" from Ashes to Ashes will win every time in a contest. You have to watch the Ioan version though!



Wish they hadn't: Of all the shows I've seen him in I'd say Ringer with Sarah Michelle Geller was the absolute worst. So let's remove that from his CV if you please! Though Shooters was pretty bad as well... and why did he do that Madonna movie? I mean, I know it's his job and he needs to make money, but there's some bad movies here for such an amazing actor.

Bio: Despite many people thinking he's English, he's actually Welsh, which you can occasionally detect from the lovely lilting tone in his voice. His name, despite spelling (ah, those crazy Welsh), is pronounced Yo-wahn Griffith. As a teenager he got a start on a Welsh soap opera and then he attended the Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts from 1992-1995. A year after graduating he was cast in the new version of Poldark, which was sadly not picked up despite how good it was. Small roles in big budget movies started to come in as well as leads in television shows. Perhaps the most famous movie he was in is Titanic! He met his wife on the set of 102 Dalmatians and they have two daughters and live in LA. Hopefully his new starring lead show Forever will make him a bigger household name, a name he totally deserves... at least hopefully it will lead to people learning how to pronounce his name!

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:00 AM 0 comments  

Labels: Blackadder, Downton Abbey, Dream Casting, Forever, George Mann, Horatio Hornblower, King Arthur, Newbury, Newbury and Hobbes, Poldark, The Forsyte Saga, Titanic, Welsh

Les Aventures Extraordinaires d'Adèle Blanc-Sec
Based on the comic books by Jacques Tardi
Release Date: April 14th, 2010
Starring: Louise Bourgoin, Mathieu Amalric, Gilles Lellouche,Jean-Paul Rouve, Jacky Nercessian, Philippe Nahon, Nicolas Giraud
Rating: ★★★★
To Buy

It is the Belle Époque, an age of new technology and discovery in Paris. The last thing anyone would expect to be flying overhead is a pterodactyl. They haven't flown on the Earth for 136 million years. Yet, clearly, there is a pterodactyl on the loose reigning terror from the skies. Adèle Blanc-Sec, a journalist and travel writer of some renown, is off in Egypt looking for a very specific mummy, instead of being on assignment in South America, blissfully unaware of what she has started back in Paris. It all started because of a stupid accident and now Adèle thinks she has found the best way to set it right. With the mummified remains of Ramesses II's doctor. The pterodactyl is an unexpected consequence.

Yet, she and Professor Espérandieu where hesitant to use the mummy right away because they only have one chance to bring him back. Hence, the dinosaur. The dinosaur which has landed Professor Espérandieu in prison. So now Adèle must not only break out the Professor, but she must also get that dinosaur under control. Working against the clock and against the police, as well as a big game hunter, she must locate the dinosaur and set everything to right, even that long ago stupid accident. With the help of her love-struck stalker, Andrej Zborowski, perhaps Paris will return to normal and Adèle can get a well deserved vacation.

I quite literally did not know what to expect with this movie. Most of the Steampunk world has lauded this movie and the comics, even having a viewing of the movie at last year's Teslacon. I was hesitant to watch the movie because I wasn't really a fan of the comics. Well, I should say the ones I was able to read, because only the first four tales are currently available translated to English. I greatly admired the art in the book, especially Adèle's style, her clothes alone are a reason to love her, yet all the male characters looked the same, adding to utter confusion on my part, while by the second collection, Tardi is breaking the forth wall and comically joking that it must be hard to follow, sorry Jacques, it was hard to follow so your joke not only fell flat, but pissed me off more than a little. The movie was based on elements from the first story, Adèle and the Beast and the fourth story, Mummies on Parade.

Within the first few minutes I was scared that the movie was going to be a total disaster, the Papyrus/Herculaneum opening credits font did nothing to dispel this fear. Not only was the spelling atrocious in the closed captioning (good is not spelled god, and it's the 20th century, not the 200th, and getting Adèle right only 50% of the time isn't god, oh, I mean good), and it was so fast I had to rewind a lot, and some of the make-up was so comical I thought I was watching Dick Tracy. Now comical makeup can work, but when you have normal looking people next to comical people, it doesn't look right. I don't count Madonna as "normal" looking if we are to stick with the Dick Tracy metaphor. Yet, somehow I was quickly pushing these problems aside and just having fun with it. I suspect it was the fact that Egypt quickly made an appearance, and more strongly suspect it was how Adèle handled a camel that brought the first real laugh to my mouth.

Yet really I have to thank Besson, he understands the concept of "based on." He streamlined the narrative from the comics. Made them intelligible and a fun romp, instead of a confusing read. Maybe, in truth, the comics just always needed a bigger venue to tell their story and a movie was exactly what was needed all along. Plus, daring rescues with dinosaurs don't look nearly as impressive in one of two frames of a comic, as they do on the big screen. I sincerely hope that they get the chance to continue this series, because it was funny and sweet and has a humdinger of a cliffhanger, which I would love to see Besson's interpretation of.

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:00 AM 0 comments  

Labels: Adele and the Beast, Adele Blac-Sec, Belle Epoque, Dick Tracy, Egypt, Jacques Tardi, Louise Bourgoin, Luc Besson, Mumies on Parade, Papyrus, Paris, Pterodactyl, Steampunk, Titanic