Festival of Death by Jonathan Morris
Published by: BBC Books
Publication Date: September 4th, 2000
Format: Paperback, 320 Pages
Rating: ★
To Buy
The Doctor has arrived at the G-Lock, a space station that is the result of a massive pile up two hundred years ago. The G-Lock has become a place of pilgrimage for those wishing to experience The Beautiful Death. The attraction doesn't just simulate what death and the veil beyond is like, but it quite literally kills you and then a short time later brings you back, that's if you're wanting to come back. Though the most recent death has gone horribly wrong turning almost all 218 participates into zombies controlled by some unknown force.
The Doctor and Romana arrive in the aftermath to find that everyone knows them and are heralding The Doctor as their saviour. Problem is, The Doctor's never been here before. Which means only one answer remains, in his future, the G-Lock's past, he comes here and saves everyone. Romana warns The Doctor that crossing their own time streams is very dangerous and they have to be careful not to change anything. If they are fated to die, well, they must face this fact, they can not mess about with time, something a time lord should know. Yet each journey into their past proves that they are inextricably linked to the G-Lock, and it's more then a little frustrating trying to find a time when they were unknown. If they are careful, then the G-Lock will be saved, but their own fates, well, that's another thing.
I'm sure every one of you has had a book that you just can't be bothered to pick up. You know that you just need to bite the bullet and power through, but somehow, you just can't. The longer you avoid the book, the easier it is to accept that you will never finish it. If you are like me, and reading is an integral part of you life, this one book then throws everything in your life out of whack. My moods and emotions are usually keyed into what I'm reading at the moment, if I like the book, life seems easier, if I don't... well, I'm a bit of a grump. This inability to finish yet unwillingness to pick up anything else is the worst situation a reader can face. It doesn't happen to me often. The worst case I suffered was back in August of 2008, the book was Breaking Dawn. While I'm not going to comment on this book by Stephenie Meyer here, that would require far more time and energy then I'm willing to spend on this book review, I will say that it took me an entire month to get through that book. Think of all the other books I could have been reading? While I never allowed Festival of Death that hold on my time, I will say that I begrudge it everything else I could have been reading and will forever hold it against it. Though, in the final analysis, this was the least of this books sins.
My issues with this book started on page one. I am never one to skip the intro, even if it might contain spoilers. I have attempted in recent years to read the intro after the books conclusion, but, well, the majority of these new Doctor Who intros are, how shall I put it, just reveling in the fact that their book was chosen. The first three books had something to offer, a little bit about their love of The Doctor and in particular, why they loved THIS Doctor... not so with Jonathan Morris. Jonathan Morris's intro seems more along the lines of us mere mortals should be privileged to read this glorious book he has written. While until this book he was a humble Eraser fan running the fan club (seriously, dude you really think this is an accomplishment?) then this glorious piece of writing was birthed by him, and, while he won't take all the credit for bringing the wibbly wobbly timey wimey to the Whoverse... oh, who am I kidding, he will take all the credit. He will view the complex time lines and the ability to loop back on your own life as his own amazing creation, forgetting, oh, almost a centuries worth of work that came before him. That Red Dwarf episode, "Future Echoes," the one from 1988, more then a decade before this book, well, forget that, this book totally didn't just rip it off, because, well, Jonathan Morris CREATED timey wimey! In fact, if we take his introduction to heart, using his own timey wimey, he must have created Doctor Who himself and every other time travelling show, literature, what have you, ever. Quantum Leap, totally his. Gaw, this author is so full of himself.
And here is the real snag in the book. Ego aside, the book is just a pastiche of all these other shows and books, that couldn't possibly be as original as Festival of Death because the author says so. I can't tell if it's his naivete as a new writer, or his immense ego that let's him just rip off other writers without a care in the world. These are not nods, these are blatant rip offs. The "reference" to Douglas Adams, ie, the depressed computer ERIC, well, let's just call him MARVIN and move on. I mean, seriously dude, this isn't cool. If you watch Doctor Who, you've read Adams at some point, and well, readers aren't going to let this slide. Adams was a genius, YOU ARE A HACK. The reason I mentioned Red Dwarf above, well, it's because one scene was almost lifted fully from that previously mentioned episode. A good author is able to incorporate other ideas and references into a solid narrative that is original while yet being referential... Jonathan Morris, the author I shall never read again, doesn't do this. The book isn't a cohesive whole, just a bunch of jokes and scenes lifted from other sources and precariously strung together. Here's all the "references" I was able to ferret out, and I'm sure it's by no means exhaustive: The Shining, Alien, Titanic, Lord of the Rings (in particular Gollum), Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (and yes, I did check release dates so that I am not wrong), and in the end, Being John Malkovich, in the weirdest "nod" yet. Seriously, couldn't the author try anything original? All he did was point out how bad his book was by "referencing" books/movies/whatever that I enjoyed far far more.
In the few rare instances that he tries to show some originality, it comes across as bad jokes or goes against the cannon of the show. The alien races that he encounters, I'm not talking about those little lizard people who are obviously out of the canon of Adams, but the Arboretans... could you think of a lamer name? I'm sorry, but plant based life that is kind of Fern Gully meets Doctor Who and you named them Arboretans? Do they live in the Arboretum near my house? Could you try to think of a non cringe worthy name? Like you're deja vu jokes that made me groan. Preja vu? The stupid running joke about The Doctor not having passed his test to fly the TARDIS. Or the fact that you actually killed The Doctor for thirty minutes and therefore destroyed some of the cannon, because, if he died, he would have regenerated, and well... HE DIDN'T! That is one of the glaring problems of this book. Because we know The Doctor saves the G-Lock, but in doing so he supposedly dies... well, we know he can't die, neither can Romana, because, well, that's not what happens to them, so there is no peril, no impetus to keep reading because we know what happens. I can say I finished the book, but I will never read this author again, I would rather have my brains smashed out by a slice of lemon, wrapped 'round a large gold brick.
Scott Pilgrim is a bizarre cultural anomaly. Edgar Wright made the most Edgar Wright film in the history of Edgar Wright and suddenly everyone knew who Scott Pilgrim was, making it a cult classic if not a box office success. The star studded movie brought the beloved characters from Bryan Lee O'Malley's comics to life in a way that incorporated their comics origin. Problems and all. And that's the thing. Behind all the whip pans and utterly surreal cameos, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World is a problematic film. Not even touching the whole Scott's dating a teenager whom he then cheats on, he and Ramona have no chemistry, the League of Evil Exes don't really explain their endgame, and it's misogynistic overtones and "girl fight" just plain haven't aged well. Scott Pilgrim is an underdog hero who you actually don't like that much. Which makes it an odd choice to readapt as a cartoon. In this day and age. With the entire original cast from the movie doing the voices of their characters for the English language version. Many people, me included, assumed that Scott Pilgrim Takes Off would just be an animated retelling of the movie, which, to be honest, I had no interest in. Therefore I was planning on skipping it. And then I read a major spoiler, Scott Pilgrim dies. Though dies should be "dies." Which made me instantly want to watch it. Because this show is basically launching the Scott Pilgrim Multiverse. AKA a Multiverse I could get behind. And I can see Bryan Lee O'Malley's point. They didn't want to retell the same story, just as I didn't want to watch it. This refocuses the narrative on Ramona and actually develops her character beyond just being a plot device. She's a three dimensional character who goes on a journey of discovery and confronts her exes and helps them and herself to move on. This is about letting go of all the emotional baggage you hold on to. It's about finding out who you really are and what drives you and what makes you run. I never thought in a million years to find a Scott Pilgrim adaptation to be deep and meaningful and yet, here we are. Don't get me wrong, it's still bonkers crazy. In fact at times it's a bit too frenetic with fights and music and all the meta. I mean, seriously, all the meta is insane. From Simon Pegg and Nick Frost having a random Hot Fuzz reunion to Edgar Wrong to ultimate vegan powers to Knives finally having a purpose and the musical deep cuts. There was just so much going for it and yet at the same time I kind of feel I've moved beyond Scott Pilgrim. This show gave me closure. The film and what it meant to me at that time in my life is over and done with but I liked revisiting old friends and not having to cringe at their behavior. I'm not saying I'll never watch or read Scott Pilgrim again. In fact the books have kind of been calling to me to incorporate the present and the past. But for now I'm good.
