strange and random happenstance

The Spellshop by Sarah Beth Durst
Published by: Bramble
Publication Date: July 9th, 2024
Format: Kindle, 384 Pages
Rating: ★★★★★
To Buy (different edition than one reviewed)

When fleeing a revolution it's hard know to what books to pack. Kiela Orobidan is a librarian at the Great Library of Alyssium. She's spent the last eleven years safeguarding the spellbooks contained therein, third floor, east wing. Now that the emperor has been defenestrated and the flames are coming closer, Kiela, and her best friend Caz, a sentient spider plant, have to flee. She's been packing and repacking the library boats for about a week in case of this eventuality, constantly conflicted over which books are the most irreplaceable, and now that the day has arrived, well, she doesn't know what to do. If she's honest with herself she didn't think the day would arrive. Rulers come and go but libraries are eternal. She thought the library would be secured by the rebels not looted! After all who doesn't love books? Perhaps the revolutionaries when the knowledge has been hoarded and kept out of the hands of those who could use it.... Well Kiela and Caz have their hoard and given the destruction they've witnessed, they might possess the last of the greatest treasure of the Crescent Islands Empire. The books have to be protected, first and foremost, and after much contemplation a plan is formed. It might not be the best plan, but it's the only plan they've got. They are returning to Kiela's home island of Caltrey. Her parents left to live a better life and give Kiela more opportunities. She might have gained a calling in the library but she lost her family, her freckles, and gained a host of antisocial disorders. Coming back though will only be temporary. They'll protect the books and not think about the fact they could be charged with theft, and lay low until this whole revolution business is settled. Upon returning to Caltrey the plan is to hide out in the house where Kiela grew up in, which is technically hers she realizes. Pretty soon though it's clear that there will have to be some interaction with the islanders. She has to eat. Also, there's her neighbor, Larran Maver. He's cute and way too helpful. Years ago she was kind to him and now he wants to repay the favor. Only Caltrey is suffering. It used to be that the emperor would send his sorcerers out on a regular rotation to tend to the outer islands. They'd cast spells that balanced out whatever nonsense they'd done in the capital city to build their palaces and fuel their lavish lives while ordinary people suffered. This threw the weather out of whack but then sorcerers stopped coming and the problem continued. Fish began to get scarce, and the merhorses, which Larran breeds, have dwindled. Kiela feels a need to do something. But protecting the spellbooks is a whole different kettle of fish than using them. If she's caught it could be disastrous. But if she doesn't help all of Caltrey will suffer.

I have been trying to not buy as many books and utilize my local library more. But then I borrow a book like The Spellshop and my resolve is out the window. Before I even finished reading it I was trying to find out where to get a signed copy of it and it's "sequel," The Enchanted Greenhouse. The Ripped Bodice in Los Angles came through for me and I'm hoping they will again this year when Sea of Charms comes out. Because I had to have a signed book. When I go all in on a book it isn't by half measures. And this book is my jam, in more ways than one. As literally everyone I know has said, this book is like the hug you didn't know you needed. This book embraces you in a world of sentient plants and jam and merhorses and winged cats, I mean, come on, winged cats! I want a winged cat. I also want some jam too. Yes, you will get hungry reading this book but you will also be satiated. The Spellshop is about finding your home, found family, and realizing that the more friends you have the safer you are. It's about building a community and coming together when times are rough. And, well, times are very rough, so I think we could all use a little bit of compassion. I want to live in this world. I want some defenestration and good trouble. What I love about fantasy is that it is magical and wonderful but it also holds up a mirror to our world. Basically the Crescent Islands Empire is in the midst of their own French Revolution. They literally cannot take the corruption for one more minute. Sound familiar? But what I love is that Sarah Beth Durst shows how, in this world, climate change is happening because of magic. Caltrey and other islands are almost destroyed by these horrific storms and it's all because the emperor has stopped sending out sorcerer envoys to fix the problems. They keep doing what they're doing, fiddling while Rome burns, and they just say damn the consequences. Does this sound relevant? As I write this the EPA literally just said they no longer care about the cost of human lives. As long as the rich are getting richer why bother trying to save people who they really don't want to save in the first place? But that's why we form communities, that's why we help each other, that's why we need at least 3.5% of us to finally have had enough. On a more personal level though this book help up a mirror to myself. The awkward book nerd who just wants to sleep in the stacks and be left alone. Whose anxiety at interacting with others is occasionally off the charts. I am Kiela. So can someone point me towards my sexy merhorse breeder? I'd even settle for a sentient spider plant!

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:00 AM 0 comments  

Labels: Caltrey, Caz, Climate Change, Community, Crescent Islands Empire, Defenestration, Flying Cats, Found Family, Kiela Orobidan, Larran Maver, Library, Magic, Merhorses, Revolution, Sarah Beth Durst, Spider Plant, The Spellshop, Top Ten

Investigation, Mediation, Vindication by Chris Tullbane
Published by: Ghost Falls Press
Publication Date: May 19th, 2020
Format: Kindle, 330 Pages
Rating: ★★★
To Buy (different edition than one reviewed)

Placing an ad for your business in a phone book in 2013 probably isn't the wisest use of your meager funds. Placing that ad while drunk is definitely worse. Writing the ad copy while on the third pitcher of beer with your best friend means that the ad just might reflect how drunk you are. Which is why John Smith's ad in the phone book for his PI business reads: "Investigation. Mediation. Vindication. No case too small, no fee too large. (Tips gratefully accepted, but not required.)" And that ad is about to come back and bite him in the ass. Comic Con is in full swing in San Diego when two people in giant crab costumes attack him. Sure, his office might be in a sketchy neighborhood a few miles from the convention, but that doesn't mean he instantly finds it suspicious. Until he realizes that they aren't in costumes and a kick as woman saves his ass and tells him his life is in danger. Who is he to argue with his future wife? Who just happens to be a vampire. Turns out, vampires are real. But everything we know about them is wrong, even the whole aversion to daylight thing. And the vampires need John Smith. Not for his PI skills, for his mediation skills. Which are non-existent. He tried to watch a video once. It didn't go well. Does he have to mention again that he was really drunk when he placed the ad and it just sounded cool? The problem is there is a large supernatural world that mundane humans know nothing about. If something cataclysmic, like a war, were to break out, then all the humans would die. The vampires are on the brink of war due to accusations hurled at them by Lord Beel-Kasan, demigod of nightmares and terror, but John can call him Bill. According to the rules laid out for these types of grievances a mediator is called in, approved of by both parties, and is given a month to resolve the issues or war commences. But there's someone in San Diego who really wants a war. The regular mediator, the Rook, has been brutally murdered. As has every other mediator in the city. John survived only due to vampire intervention and being listed in the phone book under P for Private Investigator. Which means John's the last mediator standing. In a little over twenty-four hours' time, John Smith had gone from having no cases and limited career prospects, to having two cases and a limited life expectancy. It didn't seem like an improvement.

I'm really of two minds about this book and that's probably because there's a distinct break point in the middle where it goes from inaction to action. The first half of this book is nothing more than vampire lore and John Smith hanging out at the vampire House eating amazing sandwiches and playing video games while the second half of the book actually has a plot. I mean, I admire Chris Tullbane's take on vampire lore, the way their hierarchy works, how they turn and when, and their reverence of children. This is all fascinating stuff, the problem is, while we're learning this there's nothing else going on. Literally nothing. So much nothing that the fact that John puts on a Greendale Community College t-shirt is interesting and becomes a plot point because us readers are so starved for anything in the plot desert of this book. At that point I honestly didn't think I could finish this book. I had just dragged myself through another horrible urban fantasy book and I really strive to not be such a masochist. Oh, who am I kidding, I will finish any book no matter how much I hate it. Which was why it was such a relief when John was introduced to Lord Beel-Kasan, demigod of nightmares and terror, and all of a sudden there was a plot. The vampires had stolen his NES and John was to find it and bring the two perpetrators to him for vengeance. In other words they might be turned into candelabra's in Bill's special hell. You know, what normal demigods do when someone steals their video game consoles... And yes, John did ask if he could buy him a replacement, but his guesstimate on cost was way below market price. So there was a plot, there was Bill, there was a nice Checquy vibe. I was on board, I was enjoying myself, things were happening, and sure, maybe there was a little too much death at the end but at least something was happening. The desert was now only in Bill's hell dimension. So I enjoyed the book but I'm still wondering about John Smith, from a long line of John Smiths. And no, I'm not wondering if he's The Doctor, I'm wondering if he's an asshole. See, the thing is, John Smith is a bit of a throwback dudebro with mildly sexist vibes. The vampires find the foibles of this human amusing and I just don't know what to think. In fact his Skinemax sexism has turned off quite a few readers and I have to question have I become inured to this type of behavior? Have I been conditioned not to care because as a woman this is so prevalent we had to adapt. I mean, sure he'll compliment the guys too, but I feel like I should be angrier that he is so regressive. I shouldn't be more annoyed that his bragging got a whole bunch of fictional innocents killed than that he's sexist right? Right!?!

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:00 AM 0 comments  

Labels: An Urban Development, Chris Tullbane, Community, Demigod, Investigation Mediation Vindication, John Smith, Lord Beel-Kasan, Mediator, NES, Phone Book, Plot, Private Investigator, San Diego, Sexist, The Checquy, Vampires, Vindication

Brigands and Breadknives by Travis Baldree
Published by: Tor Books
Publication Date: November 11th, 2025
Format: Hardcover, 336 Pages
To Buy

The official patter:
"Return to the cozy fantasy world of the #1 New York Times bestselling Legends and Lattes series with a new adventure featuring fan-favorite, foul-mouthed bookseller Fern.

Fern has weathered the stillness and storms of a bookseller's life for decades, but now, in the face of crippling ennui, transplants herself to the city of Thune to hang out her shingle beside a long-absent friend's coffee shop. What could be a better pairing? Surely a charming renovation montage will cure what ails her!

If only things were so simple...

It turns out that fixing your life isn't a one-time prospect, nor as easy as a change of scenery and a lick of paint.

A drunken and desperate night sees the rattkin waking far from home in the company of a legendary warrior, an imprisoned chaos-goblin with a fondness for silverware, and an absolutely thumping hangover.

As together they fend off a rogue's gallery of ne'er-do-wells trying to claim the bounty the goblin represents, Fern may finally reconnect with the person she actually is when nothing seems inevitable."

I would have been heartbroken if we hadn't gotten Fern's story that was hinted at at the end of Bookshops and Bonedust. Because I might relate to Fern A LOT. 

The Last Wish of Bristol Keats by Mary E. Pearson
Published by: Flatiron Books
Publication Date: November 11th, 2025
Format: Hardcover, 448 Pages
To Buy

The official patter:
"Be wary of the legends you hear. Who knows, one day you may be a legend yourself.

After Bristol Keats nearly loses her beloved King Tyghan to the monsters her mother had unleashed, their love deepens to a whole new level. Together, Bristol and Tyghan work to understand and reconcile their differences, moving forward with their common goal of saving Elphame. But when a daring rescue attempt turns into a disaster, and a beloved knight dies, Bristol is forced to confront the fact that her mother is more powerful than she could have ever imagined - and more dangerous. Meanwhile, Tyghan's heart is laid bare when he encounters his former best friend and betrayer again, Bristol's own father, and must wrestle with a new secret that throws everything he thought he knew about his past into question.

Bristol is Elphame's last chance for survival, but where do her loyalties truly lie? If she fully embraces the magic that has always been her birthright, she could become a different kind of monster from her mother. Is she willing to risk losing the people she loves most, if it means keeping them safe?

Brimming with dark secrets, lush world-building, and addictive romance, The Last Wish of Bristol Keats is the unforgettable conclusion to New York Times bestselling author Mary E. Pearson's first adult series."

I mean, there's a light riding on this being the perfect ending right?

The Cathedral of Lost Souls by Paula Brackston
Published by: St. Martin's Press
Publication Date: November 11th, 2025
Format: Hardcover, 304 Pages
To Buy

The official patter:
"Book two in the Hecate Cavendish series from New York Times bestselling author Paula Brackston - a magic infused series about an eccentric and spirited young woman who can see ghosts.

Hereford, England 1881.

The adventure continues! After the fire and the tumultuous events in the cathedral library, Hecate is determined never again to come so close to losing the beloved mappa mundi. She has shown herself to be the greatest threat to the Essedenes and their plans and they will stop at nothing to be rid of her. With the help of her archeologist father, and the support of the redoubtable and loyal Inspector Winter, she must take the fight to her enemies.

But the numbers of Embodied Spirits are growing with terrifying speed, and an atmosphere of violence and danger has taken hold of the ancient city of Hereford. Hecate dare not trust anyone beyond her inner circle, no matter how benevolent they might seem. Nor will she risk the lives of those she loves ever again. The goddess Hekate has called her to action. She must draw upon all her gifts, and the assistance of her family of ghostly allies, if the city is not to be lost to darkness forever."

Never a good sign when there's a rise in spirits of the ghostly variety. 

Daughters of Nicnevin by Shona Kinsella
Published by: Flame Tree Press
Publication Date: November 11th, 2025
Format: Hardcover, 336 Pages
To Buy

The official patter:
"Readers of Diana Gabaldon's Outlander will love this fantasy tale of folklore and witchcraft from Scotland.

Mairead and Constance, two powerful witches, meet in the early days of the 1745 Jacobite uprising. While the men of the village are away fighting, the villagers face threats from both the Black Watch and raiders, and the women are confronted with their vulnerability. They enlist the help of Nicnevin, fae queen of witches, to bring men made of earth to life to help protect their village. But just who do they need protection from? And what will happen when the village men return?"

Oh, fae golems? 

Turns of Fate by Anne Bishop
Published by: Ace
Publication Date: November 11th, 2025
Format: Hardcover, 528 Pages
To Buy

The official patter:
"A young detective investigating crimes of the uncanny will learn that bargains can change your fate - for good or ill - in this darkly enthralling fantasy from the New York Times bestselling author of the Others and the Black Jewels series.

Words have power. Intentions matter.

Most people come to Destiny Park for entertainment. They come to have their cards read to tell them a bit about their future. They come to walk through a beautiful park and to eat at the hotel's restaurant. They come in the hope of catching a glimpse of the Arcana, the paranormal beings who rule the Isle of Wyrd.

But some people come to make a bargain with the Arcana - to change their fate. And some people come for dark purposes.

When Detective Beth Fahey is sent to Destiny Park to inquire about a "ghost gun," she will begin a strange journey on which she must learn to navigate the Arcana's unforgiving laws and dangerous attractions. Her search will draw her into seemingly impossible cases and the secrets of her own past as tensions rise between the Arcana and their human neighbors across the river.

For the Isle of Wyrd is a place where the dead ride trains to their final destinations, predators literally become prey, and seekers' true natures are revealed in the ripples of destiny unknowingly stirred in their wakes.

Who will live? Who will die? And who will be lost in between?"

Yeah, you could not pay me enough to visit Destiny Park. I'll gladly read about it though!

Letters from an Imaginary Country by Theodora Goss
Published by: Tachyon Publications
Publication Date: November 11th, 2025
Format: Paperback, 352 Pages
To Buy

The official patter:
"Roam through the captivating stories of World Fantasy and Mythopoeic Award winner Theodora Goss (the Athena Club trilogy). This themed collection of imaginary places, with three new stories, recalls Susanna Clarke’s alternate Europe and the surreal metafictions of Jorge Luis Borges.

The infamous girl monsters of nineteenth-century fiction gather in London and form their own club. In the imaginary country of Thüle, characters from folklore band together to fight a dictator. An intrepid girl reporter finds the hidden land of Oz - and joins its invasion of our world. The author writes the autobiography of her alternative life and a science fiction love letter to Budapest. The White Witch conquers England with snow and silence.

Deeply influenced by the author's Hungarian childhood during the regime of the Soviet Union, each of these intricate stories engages with storytelling and identity, including Goss's own."

I was here for Theodora Goss but then reference was made to Susanna Clarke and I am so glad I have this book on my bookshelf!

An Academic Affair by Jodi McAlister
Published by: Atria Books
Publication Date: November 11th, 2025
Format: Paperback, 384 Pages
To Buy

The official patter:
"From the "masterly" (The New York Times) Jodi McAlister, a charming new romance about two English professors who embark on a fake relationship…only to discover that it may be harder to pretend than they realized.

Sadie Shaw and Jonah Fisher have been academic rivals since they first crossed paths as undergraduates in the literature department thirteen years ago. Now that a highly coveted teaching opportunity has come up, their rivalry hits epic proportions. Jonah needs the job to move closer to his recently divorced sister and her children, while Sadie needs the financial security and freedom of a full-time teaching position.

When Sadie notices that the job offers partner hire, however, she hatches a plot to get them both the job. All they must do is get legally married. It's a simple win-win solution but when sparks begin to fly, it becomes clear that despite their education, these two may not have thought this whole thing through.

Perfect for fans of Ali Hazelwood and Abby Jimenez, An Academic Affair pairs Jodi McAlister's "smart, scorching, and emotionally resonant" (Freya Marske, author of A Restless Truth) writing and academic background to prove that she's one of the smartest rom-com writers working today."

I'd say it's win-win-win! Jobs and an HEA! 

Community: Going Back to School with Television's Best Sitcom by Erin Giannini
Published by: Bloomsbury Academic
Publication Date: November 11th, 2025
Format: Hardcover, 232 Pages
To Buy

The official patter:
"A fun and engaging overview of the popular television series Community as the show fulfills its own prophecy of concluding with six seasons and a movie.

Sitcoms, as a genre, are almost unique to television. In many respects, it is the defining genre for US television, a durable format that stretches from I Love Lucy to Superstore. Despite its many iterations, from "live in front of a studio audience" to mockumentary, it stands out from many other genres by having these different types of sitcoms frequently co-exist - or blend - rather than replacing an older mode. Given sitcom's longevity and adaptability, the only surprise is that it took until 2009 for someone to create a series that both skewers and honors the sitcom genre: Community.

In Community: Going Back to School with Television's Best Sitcom, Erin Giannini examines the cultural phenomenon that is Community, a series about a community college and, in the series own words, "the goofballs who run around stirring up trouble, and the eggheads that make a big deal out of it." It's a meta series with an active fandom (enough to justify a follow-up film) and features an eclectic cast. Created by Dan Harmon based on his brief experience in community college, it appears on the outside to be a typical sitcom: lovable rogue Jeff Winger is forced to go back to college to earn the credentials he lied about and falls in with a motley group of quirky new friends. Yet the series almost immediately deconstructs this by having the character of Abed Nadir tie in the group dynamic to pop culture touchstones, from mafia film Goodfellas to bottle episodes and clip shows, commenting on its genre with a heavy metatextual bend.

Giannini explores how the series embodies the cusp between traditional television and the streaming era, airing as part of a comedy block of shows on NBC that were frequently low rated but set the tone for the genre moving forward. Giannini highlights what Community influenced and was influenced by, the way it differentiated itself from other sitcoms and yet embraced the genre, the comedic generational divide embodied by the escalating tension between Chevy Chase and Dan Harmon, the ascendance of Donald Glover, and much more. A must-read for fans of the cult-favorite show."

I will point out we don't have the movie. Yet. I mean it will happen eventually, right!?! 

The Treasure of Ocean Parkway by Sarvenaz Tash
Published by: Knopf Books for Young Readers
Publication Date: November 11th, 2025
Format: Hardcover, 240 Pages
To Buy

The official patter:
"Two podcasting sleuths help their neighbor solve a cold case - one that's literally etched into the walls of their Brooklyn apartment building - in this cozy, twisty-turny middle grade whodunnit from the author of The Queen of Ocean Parkway.

Twelve-year-old globetrotter Thea Lim-Lambert is spending a rare summer at home in Brooklyn, when she discovers a secret room in the back of her closet. There, among her grandfather Errol's old diaries and peculiar carvings, is a clue Errol left to a massive hidden treasure. But to find it, she'll need the help of two experienced sleuths - lucky for her, two of the best live in her building!

Roya and Amin's mystery podcast has earned them a stellar reputation, but they never could have guessed that their latest case would send them on a wild scavenger hunt in their own building. Clue by clue, they search the building from roof to cellar (thanks to Roya's mom's master key). But just when a solution seems near, they realize an essential piece is missing - locked away where none of them can reach it. And unless Thea finds the courage to stand up to her family the treasure of Ocean Parkway may be lost forever..."

A wonderful middle grade with an Only Murders in the Building vibe. 

The King's Ransom by Janet Evanovich
Published by: Atria Books
Publication Date: November 11th, 2025
Format: Hardcover, 352 Pages
To Buy

The official patter:
""Thriller master" (Mystery and Suspense Magazine) Janet Evanovich takes you on a global hunt to track down missing masterpieces in this action-packed and steamy sequel to the instant New York Times bestseller The Recovery Agent.

Gabriela Rose, recovery agent extraordinaire, can find just about anything. Too bad she can't seem to lose her gorgeous-but-infuriating ex-husband Rafer Jones. And now he needs her help. His cousin, Harley, is in trouble...big trouble.

As the president of a too-big-to-fail bank, he invested an astronomical amount of money in insuring some of the world's most priceless artifacts at the urging of his board. It seemed like a low-risk, high-reward business move, so he jumped in with both feet. But recently, these insured pieces started going missing and worse, there's no paper trail of Harley being directed to make these risky investments. Unless the artwork can be recovered soon, it looks like Harley is going to be heading to jail as the fall guy for an ingenious crime.

Gabriela knows what she must do: travel around the world with Rafer to find the missing works of art, keep Harley out of jail, and save both his skin and his bank. Along the way, she'll encounter corruption, threats, murder, mysterious dark forces behind a global conspiracy to destroy the world's wealth, and a nefarious villain who will stop at nothing to bring the world to the brink of ruin."

I mean, who doesn't want Janet Avanovich basically writing steamy Lara Croft!?!

Innocence Road by Laura Griffin
Published by: Berkley
Publication Date: November 11th, 2025
Format: Hardcover, 368 Pages
To Buy

The official patter:
"Detective Leanne Everhart swore she'd never go back to her hometown near Marfa, Texas - but she returns when her brother needs her, only to find a town in need too, still torn apart by a decades-old crime.

Leanne Everhart knows women have something to fear in her artsy hometown, especially so if they're not rich, white locals. Returning to town after her father's death, she sees the ugliest sides of an area that draws people for its severe, untamed natural landscape.

While her department faces mounting backlash over a recent wrongful conviction in the long-ago murder case of a popular local teenager - which is now unsolved - Leanne is called to a fresh crime scene at the edge of the desert. A nameless woman was found murdered, with no clues as to her identity. As Leanne digs into the crime scene evidence, she grows convinced this latest murder case is linked with the local teenager's murder. And to multiple cold cases, all unnamed female victims, that have all been shelved by her department without leads.

Now, with conflicted loyalties and without allies, Leanne must hunt down a serial killer, one who's been preying on local women for two decades, growing bolder and more ruthless with every strike."

I can't resist a good serial killer.

The Silver Book by Olivia Laing
Published by: Farrar, Straus and Giroux
Publication Date: November 11th, 2025
Format: Hardcover, 256 Pages
To Buy

The official patter:
"Art, power, desire, and illusion collide in a hypnotic new novel from Olivia Laing, set in the months leading up to the murder of Pier Paolo Pasolini in 1975.

It is September 1974. Two men meet in Venice. One is a young English artist, in panicked flight from London. The other is Danilo Donati, the magician of Italian cinema, the designer responsible for realizing the spectacular visions of Fellini and Pasolini. Donati is in Venice to produce sketches for Fellini's Casanova. A young apprentice is just what he needs.

He sweeps Nicholas to Rome and introduces him to the looking-glass world of Cinecittà, the studio where Casanova's Venice will be ingeniously assembled. In the spring, the lovers move together to the set of Salò, Pasolini's horrifying fable of fascism.

But Nicholas has a secret, and in this world of constant illusion, his real nature passes unseen. Amid the rising tensions of Italy's Years of Lead, he acts as an accelerant, setting in motion a tragedy he doesn't intend.

Olivia Laing's The Silver Book is at once a queer love story and a noirish thriller set in the dream factory of cinema. It is a fictional account of real things, and an investigation into the difficult relationship between artifice and truth, illusion and reality, love and power."

A darker, more adult version of Brian Selznick's Run Away With Me.

Revenge, Served Royal by Celeste Connally
Published by: Minotaur Books
Publication Date: November 11th, 2025
Format: Hardcover, 336 Pages
To Buy

The official patter:
"Bridgerton meets Agatha Christie in this dazzling third instalment to the captivating Regency-era Lady Petra Inquires mystery series.

September, 1815. Autumn is in the air as Lady Petra Forsyth and some of the most illustrious members of the ton descend upon Windsor Castle for a week of royal celebrations, with the highlight being Queen Charlotte's inaugural patisserie contest for the best bakers employed by England's finest houses. Not only is Lady Petra's own cook one of the contestants, but Her Majesty has requested that Petra herself serve as one of the judges.

Petra's happiness at tasting delicious cakes and biscuits only increases at finding her beloved Aunt Ophelia in attendance at Windsor, as well as Sir Rufus Pomeroy. As England's most famous former royal chef-turned-cookbook author, Sir Rufus is slated to present his best recipes to the Queen during the festivities, with Petra being granted an early viewing in the royal library.

Yet upon arrival, Petra instead encounters a frantic housemaid pointing to a body of one of Her Majesty's guests - and to the valet still tugging at the silk ribbon used to strangle the victim. What's more, the valet turns out to be Oliver Beecham, the ne'er-do-well brother of Petra's own lady's maid, Annie. But as Oliver is hauled away to the dungeons, he protests his innocence, claiming the late guest argued with several aristocrats, including the Prince Regent and Petra's Aunt Ophelia, and boasted about hiding a potentially scandalous document within the vastness of Windsor Castle.

When some poisoned tea meant for Petra is consumed by one of her fellow judges, it's clear the real killer is still walking the castle's halls. Indeed, in order to prove the innocence of Annie's brother and find the incriminating document, Petra will need to act like a lady, eat like a chef, and think like one of Her Majesty's best spies before a murderer can turn the celebrations from sweet to royally deadly."

Yeah, if there was someone out to poison me, the first thing I'd do is no longer judge a contest where I have to eat anything. 

A Matter of Murder by Tirzah Price
Published by: Storytide
Publication Date: November 11th, 2025
Format: Hardcover, 416 Pages
To Buy

The official patter:
"The thrilling conclusion to the Lizzie and Darcy Mysteries duology, following Lizzie Bennet and Mr. Darcy from the Jane Austen Murder Mysteries series!

A Bingley family curse looms over Lizzie's sister and Darcy's best friend - but are the dark forces at work supernatural or human?

Lizzie Bennet's beloved sister Jane has just married Darcy's best friend, Bingley, and the Bennet family and Darcy are paying the newlyweds a visit at Bingley's family home, Netherfield Park. It doesn't take long for their country retreat to turn into an investigation, though, when a long-dead body is discovered stuffed up the parlor chimney.

The locals are convinced that Netherfield is cursed, but Lizzie and Darcy know better than to believe in such nonsense and are determined to uncover the truth about what happened to the mysterious man in the chimney. But as they dig deeper into the history of Netherfield Park, they find that danger is waiting for them around every corner. Soon enough, they're forced to consider if the curse might have some merit to it, or if there’s something - or someone - far more sinister behind their near brushes with death....

This duology closer is a daring and delightful conclusion to the chronicles of supersleuths Lizzie Bennet and Mr. Darcy!"

Seeing as Bingley just rented Netherfield Park is the Park cursed or is he?

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:00 AM 0 comments  

Labels: Anne Bishop, Celeste Connally, Community, Fern, Janet Evanovich, Jodi McAlister, Laura Griffin, Mary E. Pearson, Olivia Laing, Paula Brackston, Sarvenaz Tash, Shona Kinsella, Theodora Goss, Tirzah Price, Travis Baldree

Middle of the Night by Riley Sager
Published by: Dutton
Publication Date: June 18th, 2024
Format: Hardcover, 384 Pages
Rating: ★★★★
To Buy

The inhabitants of Hemlock Circle, a quaint New Jersey cul-de-sac, are the same when Ethan Marsh moves home as they were when he left over twenty years ago. It's like the neighbors are trapped in amber. There's the old Barringer place on the left, continuing clockwise, the Van de Veers', the Wallaces', the Patel's, and the Chens'. Of the six original houses built in the late eighties only one isn't in the hands of its original owner. But no one holds onto the old Barringer place for long. Ethan has moved back home because his parents are moving to Florida and it would be easiest for them if he's around during the sale of the house. What they don't say is that he has nowhere else to go. But home brings with it unanswered questions from his past and a mystery that forever changed Hemlock Circle and gripped a nation. On Saturday, July 15th, 1994, Ethan and his best friend Billy Barringer set up a tent in Ethan's backyard. The ten-year-olds did this all summer, camping out within the safety of their own neighborhood. Only that night was different. Because when Ethan woke up on Sunday morning there was a large rend in the tent and Billy was gone. Billy became The Lost Boy. They searched everywhere, through the acres of preserved woodland surrounding the neighborhood, but he was just gone. Ethan still dreams about that night. Who took Billy and why? He always wakes when he hears the tent being slashed, never seeing the face of the culprit. He left home because he couldn't stand to see the constant reminder out his bedroom window of the last known location of Billy. But now that he's back home it's not just memories that are playing with him. First there's the motion activated lights on the houses. Lighting up one after another in the middle of the night. Then a baseball appears in his yard. A baseball thrown over the fence was his and Billy's secret code. Who else but Billy would know that? He decides to ask his neighbors. He wants to know who's playing with him. Everyone who was there the night Billy disappeared has returned to Hemlock Circle this summer. It seems portentous. And then he finds out his fellow neighbor and classmate, Ragesh Patel, is the police liaison for Billy's case and they've found something. They've found Billy. The dental records confirm it.

Riley Sager is the king of spooky nostalgia. His books often tap into his own past, the most blatant being Survive the Night, but due to the fact he's only four years older than me there's a universality to his tales for those raised in the seventies, eighties, and nineties. Common ground that we all feel nostalgic for that he then twists ever so slightly to make unsettling. And one of the common fears of growing up during this period was kidnapping, it was the height of "stranger danger" and kids on milk cartons. There was quite the incident of "stranger danger" to one of my classmates in grade school, but that's a story for another time. So to have this character, Ethan, experience the worst nightmare of any child growing up then that isn't quicksand, it's relatable. In fact, that's why I enjoyed this book, it's relatable. I grew up in a neighborhood where everyone knew everyone and kids were in and out of each other's houses. We moved in unruly gangs, playing elaborate city block-sized games of capture the flag. And I miss that. I don't just miss an easier time, I miss a time when everyone and their business was known to you. Your neighbors meant more than they mean today. The grandparents, the parents, and the kids all knew who you were and asked after your only family. There was a sense of community. I mean, this is still happening, I see the kids in my neighborhood roving around in gangs, but people aren't rooted to the same spot anymore. People pick up and move at a moments notice, whether it's due to job insecurity, the cost of living, or whatever life change that results in dislocation. Therefore you just don't have neighborhoods like Hemlock Circle anymore. More and more as everything becomes chaotic and unsettled I am searching for these nostalgic vibes that remind me of a time when I felt safe. Old shows, old books, things that bring comfort. And yes, Riley Sager brings me comfort. I know a lot of people would be questioning my sanity in that mystery and horror bring me comfort, but it's the subverting of the comforting within a set of rules. I mean, just look to Scream, it's a total comfort watch for my generation and it's because it's nostalgic and has rules. I should say, it has Rules, capital "R." Sadly, Randy Meeks, the king of the Rules, did not survive the sequel. But that didn't stop him from imparting his wisdom from beyond the grave. I'm sure he'd understand the pull of nostalgia, he was quite wise until he baited Mrs. Loomis. But his death for me will always be comforting. As comforting as a new Riley Sager book. No matter the death toll.

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:00 AM 0 comments  

Labels: Billy Barringer, Community, Disapperance, Ethan Marsh, Hemlock Circle, Kidnapping, Middle of the Night, Murder Most Foul, Neighborhood, Nostalgia, Quicksand, Randy Meeks, Riley Sager, Scream, Stranger Danger, Survive the Night

Dubliners by James Joyce
Published by: Wisehouse Classics
Publication Date: 1914
Format: Kindle, 142 Pages
Rating: ★★
To Buy (different edition than one reviewed)

In Dublin, as in any town, people's lives are interconnected. They form friendships and relationships and create families. The young learn from the old but sometimes the old have their own epiphanies. A young boy experiences death for the first time when his friend, Father Flynn, dies, and as he listens to the stories surrounding him he realizes that the Father Flynn he knew wasn't the one they knew. But death is just one thing children learn, they also learn about rules and how to break them and then, worst of all, what happens when you break your heart. But as you age, sometimes you learn that love isn't everything, as Eveline chooses her family and her home over love overseas. Though what can you get overseas that you can't get at home? You can wine and dine with the best of them. Drinking, dancing, cards, games, just be wary of your wallet. Of course, if your wallet does end up a little empty, who's to say you can't con your way to being flush again? You just need to find the right people to swindle, like housemaids in wealthy homes. And for every young person contemplating marriage there's another contemplating the road not taken. The carefree life of the intellectual with no ties to bind. Though it's the saddest of cases when you lash out at those who love you who you view as chains around your neck. No child should ever be hurt. Because family and those who you care for should be held precious. Sweets and cake and joy in each other's presence is the greatest of gifts, even if you accidentally forget the cake. One never knows when your chance at happiness might pass you by. Love those who love you, marvel in their presence in your life. You don't want to only be a memory. Though if a memory, raising a glass and reciting a poem wouldn't go amiss. And that is all life is. Love and loss. We never know the pain of others. We never know what the person in bed beside us might have suffered. We only know that we need each other and have to be kind and true and hopefully our better angels will triumph.

The Irish are one of the most stereotyped cultures; everyone can hold their pint and tell a story and is a little light-fingered. But is this stereotype true? Is the belief that Ireland is full of drunk thieving storytellers based on truth or based on tropes that writers such as James Joyce disseminate and have therefore ingrained in society? This was my constant struggle while reading this book. Was he picturing the world he knew or the world that would be an accepted truth? And I can't come to a conclusion. I've tried to discuss this before and all I ever get out of people is that "James Joyce is classic." Well, what about these issues I have? Being classic doesn't mean you can't be wrong! And I know, I'm a neophyte when it comes to Joyce, I haven't read any of his other works, just these fifteen short stories about drunks and creepy priests with abrupt endings. So I don't get the larger context, I don't have the intertextuality. He obviously loved his country and this book brims with national pride so I would assume he wouldn't want to be a contributing factor to the stereotyping of his countrymen and women. But I can't get around that this is exactly what it feels like. When I was younger I always went to Irish Fest in Milwaukee. I went for the culture and the music, most everyone else went to get blind drunk. Not helped once they stopped selling funnel cake. And all these midwesterners thought that this is what it is to be Irish. To just get plastered. I mean, the same can be said for every Saint Patrick's Day everywhere. But Ireland and Irish culture are more than this. So maybe what I'm saying is that James Joyce is limiting. He's limiting his country to the cultural stereotypes of the day. Because there is progress. Look to a television show like The Irish R.M. based on books from the turn of the last century where it was all about the British being exasperated by those wiley drunks to the late nineties show Ballykissangel where, yes, there were still cons and drunks, but they talked about their problems and actually helped one of their own get sober. And yes, I might have been on a weird nostalgia trip recently and rewatched these shows. But there was progress. There was something more. And that's what I expected of this classic writer. Something more.

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:00 AM 0 comments  

Labels: Ballykissangel, Classic, Community, Drunk, Dublin, Dubliners, Epiphany, Family, For the Love of Book Clubs, Ireland, Irish Fest, James Joyce, Milwaukee, Short Stories, Stereotype, Storytelling, The Irish R.M., Thieves

So here we go! The blog is fully back. Or I'm hoping it is. We'll see won't we? I took a year off in an attempt to quell the chaos that my life had become. Well, I don't know how things are going for you but that didn't work out so well. I was so excited for the start of this decade, the twenties are back people! But I didn't want it to start with a pandemic like it did a hundred years ago. Just goes to show that everything has a price apparently. The pandemic had me thinking I'd scrap my return, just continue to hide out in my house grumbling about people not wearing masks or social distancing, but then I realized that now IS the time to come back. Everyone needs an escape right now and everyone needs a community to belong to, and books set in another time are a perfect panacea, and my friends, my online community, YOU are what is keeping me sane. So it's time to get Roaring Back to Reading! To delve into the decade of decadence. The Roaring Twenties, where authors became stars and were fodder for gossip columnists! I'll be talking about several celebrity authors, some, like Scott and Zelda, who embodied the zeitgeist far more than say Virginia Woolf or Agatha Christie, who were still very influential. I'll be looking at the books, the adaptations, the stories of their lives, and I hope you'll join me. What else do you have on the books?

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:01 AM 0 comments  

Labels: 1920s, Agatha Christie, Blog, Blogging, Community, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Online, Pandemic, Reading, Roaring Back to Reading, Roaring Twenties, Twenties, Virgina Woolf, Zeitgeist, Zelda Fitzgerald

Lure of the Moonflower by Lauren Willig
ARC Provided by the Publisher
Published by: NAL
Publication Date: August 4th, 2015
Format: Paperback, 528 Pages
Rating: ★★★★★
To Buy

Jane doesn't know if it's wise to be working with Jack Reid, alias the Moonflower. But her mission is in Portugal, she doesn't speak the language, and he's the agent on the ground. Seeing as her old companion Miss Gwen is married to Jack's father, Jane has heard all there is to about Jack and his ever shifting allegiances. What she hasn't heard about Jack is that perhaps the legend doesn't match the man. And that man has sure heard of the legend of the Pink Carnation, who is now supposedly leading this new mission that he isn't allowed any input on. Jane is not suited to the rugged search for the Portuguese Queen across the rough and tumble countryside, yet that is just what she plans to do. She is being dictatorial and living down to his expectations. But that is the problem. They have both prejudged each other and found the other lacking. If they could just start over then perhaps they could find more than just a serviceable working arrangement. That new start happens when the deadliest of French spies, the Gardener, appears on their trek. They both have a history with him, and neither one is pleased to see him. They scrap all their plans and go off the grid, trying to beat the Gardener to the Queen and trying to become compatriots. While in the future Eloise and Colin are facing something just as daunting. Their wedding day. Which should go off without a hitch, that is until Colin's beloved Aunt Arabella is kidnapped the night before the ceremony and Colin reveals she was spy in her day! So they just have to deal with the kidnapper's demands and THEN they can get married.

While I haven't been a part of the Pink Carnation fandom since it's inception, arriving only two years late to the party, I hope I've made up for those two years with my cheer leading. Yet it was still hard to say goodbye to all the characters I have loved, even minus those two years. I thought that I'd be OK with it. I thought, given enough warning as well as re-reading all the previous eleven volumes I wouldn't have any pangs. I was wrong. These characters have been my friends through ups and downs for eight years! There's a scene near the end on Lord Richard's ship where Jack stumbles into the assorted crew, many of which are his family, and it just hit me. This might be the last time I see these characters in a new adventure. I didn't want to let go. I was on that ship and I was immobilized. I wasn't looking from face to face with bewilderment like Jack, I was looking from face to face and thinking of all the stories left to tell. There's Jack's little sister Lizzy, I don't just want, I need to know about her future adventures. Plus what about Jack's other sister Kat? Yes, she ends up with Tommy, but how? Also what about all the characters we have yet to meet? This world is teaming with stories that are now being set aside. Closure was given, but it's surprising sometimes that closure is the last thing we really want. What we really want is one more chapter before bedtime. 

My initial problem, aside from the series ending, was that I've never been the biggest fan of Jane. She's always been an enigma, and rightfully so, she is illusive after all. Always in the background setting the world to rights. Lauren previously needed her to be infallible and maddeningly omniscient and capable. These traits don't lend themselves to a character of flesh and blood, but an analytical ice maiden. A perfectly coolly composed heroine does not make the most interesting read. The Lure of the Moonflower gets off to a rocky start because, like Jack, we only see what Jane wants us to see. This capable perfect agent. When the truth starts to creep out, her self doubt, her sacrifices, how much she and Jack feel the weight of the mantle of spy, do you finally start to relate and to understand Jane. The loneliness, the long nights, the seclusion, the isolation from everything and everyone else as you have to be self sufficient and self reliant. That is where Lauren succeeds and the book comes together, she believably gives us insight into Jane. Slowly the layers are peeled away and the person who was once inconceivable is now all too human and relatable. While Jane's dalliance with Nicolas (aka the Gardener) shows us that she does have desires, her calculated seduction doesn't really give us any insight. It's in opening up to Jack that we learn about the real Jane behind the carefully constructed mask. If anyone had every told me my heart would ache for Jane I would never have believed them. But when she talks about her parents declaring her dead and her tombstone, that was it. Like Jack I wanted to protect her even though she didn't need the least bit of protection.

It's this opening up to Jack that not only makes Jane relatable, but that made me connect to her. Most of my young life I would shun help and advice. Even things like the simplest critique of how to write a paper better and I would shut down. Obviously I should know how to write my own paper! Sheesh. It wasn't until college that I realized that part of growing up is finding people to help you, people to lean on. Of course, this is a very trial and error procedure. Sometimes the people you think you can rely on the most turn out to be AWOL when you need them the most. Which is why I reverted to old habits and only counted on myself. So I totally get where Jane is coming from. But there's such a burden, so much weight on your shoulders if you go it alone. Finding the right people, the right group of friends who are their to lift you up when you're down, to help you over the rough patches, that is the most precious gift we can get in life. Over the course of The Lure of the Moonflower Jane realizes that Jack is just such a person. Someone who takes the weight of the mantle "The Pink Carnation" off her shoulders. Neither of them have any reason to trust the other, but their experiences together and there similar backgrounds makes them compliment each other. To have Jane find someone to compliment her is a wonderfully happy place to end this series, but more than that, to find someone to share her burdens, to rely on, someone with whom you can let down your defenses and admit you need help, that is the true happily ever after.

Also getting to a point where Eloise was allowed a happily ever after was a nice balance. While her future is more writing the exploits of daring do than perpetrating them, there was finally a nice symbiosis between the two plots to end it on the right note. I have always been a fan of the modern framing device used by Lauren with Eloise and Colin, but there were times when it felt they were just there to tell the future history of what happened versus being integral to the story. And sometimes you even wondered if perhaps Lauren's publishers were right to think of writing them out. By finally bringing spies, ever hinted at but never seen, into the present, the past and present finally clicked like they never have before. Aunt Arabella being a spy just makes so much sense. It's one of those things that when it happens you think, "how did I not see this before!?!" Eloise always wondering about Colin's spy affiliations felt forced. There was no way this gentle country squire was in any capacity related to any activities at Thames House. But Arabella! SO MUCH SENSE! Her globetrotting ways, her keeping of the family secrets. All of it just made this book reach another level. Of course some of that level was of the French farce variety, but when has Lauren's books ever disappointed by going farcical? Of course now I want an entire series just for Aunt Arabella, in the manner of her friend M.M.Kaye's "Death in" series. If there was more proof needed that I don't want to ever leave these characters desiring all these different spin-off series would be all the proof you need.

As for the book within the book. Perfection. I had been hoping for some time that Eloise might drop her academic career and have the series pull a meta switch on us and that's just what Lauren has done. I remember when it was first bandied about that Colin was secretly a spy, only to turn out to be writing about them, that wouldn't it be ironic if Eloise turned her dissertation into a book and became a bestselling author before Colin. And not only that, but a bestselling author writing about his family! Little meta jokes have always entertained me, hence my love of Abed on Community. Yeah self-referential humor! But more than that, I like that it brings the series full circle, beginning again at the end. Guess I'm supposed to read them all again right? I also love that Colin is such a great guy he literally doesn't mind this twist of fate. He and Eloise are a perfect couple. But the line that really captured it for me is when Eloise mentions to Aunt Arabella that there's a story in the Pink Carnation's further escapades, and Arabella replies more then one, I sighed wistfully. These characters have been my friends on more then one adventure, and I wish them the best of luck. Because obviously they live on and keep having adventures, even if Lauren isn't writing them. Yet.

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:00 AM 0 comments  

Labels: Abed, An August Adieu, Colin Selwick, Community, Eloise Kelly, Happily Ever After, Jack Reid, Jane Wolliston, Lauren Willig, Meta, Pink Carnation, Portugal, Spies, The Gardener, The Lure of the Moonflower, Weddings

Get your knit on! So, now I have the yarn and I have a pattern... knitting is the next step. But before you dive in, there's something very important you need to do. While buying your yarn you might have thought, wow, I should also pick up these lovely Addi Turbo circular knitting needles (best needles in the world, like knitting with needles made by alchemists from liquid mercury, yes, they are that good, and that pricey) for my project. The pattern says size 10, so size 10 it is. Don't do it! You are being lulled into a trap. You need to gauge your yarn! This is a very amateur mistake, the worst amateur mistake I've ever seen? Sewing your sweater together with thread not yarn. But this is a big mistake too. Because if you don't gauge your yarn, the finished size will be wrong, could look short or wide, or any variety of wrong. So, you start with the given needle size, you should have some laying about, then look at the gauge, for my pattern it's:

In garter stitch (knit every row), 14 sts and 28 rows = 4”

So I need to knit 14 stitches for 28 rows, and if they don't equal 4", than this is not the needle size for my yarn, and I keep trying, depending on how close the size 10 needles are I will go up or down, so let's get to work!

Ok, first I tried the 10... and it was too small, by 3/4 of an inch, so up a size. Note, I usually just frog this and start over to not waste yarn, but for your pictorial benefit, I saved my gauging.

Ok, now 10.5... and still too small, closer though at 3 3/4 inches. Damn, this is taking longer than I thought it would...

Ok, final try, fingers crossed. 11 and... yes! Finally, it's right on 4" as you can see, and as for what you can't see because of the ruler, a stitch I dropped, hey, it's only a test after all. Whew, was worried there. I've never worked with needles as bulking as 11s, so this should be interesting.

As for the progress I've made. Well, it's not done yet, but it's getting there.

As you can see, I can't really get a striking and lovely picture, the circular needles make it all bunched up, but you can see there's a mass of yarn there!

Here you can see the detail of what goes down my spine. Because that is where the majority of the increases happen, it's not only expanding the pattern, I mean there's over 300 stitches by the time I'm near the end, but it creates a nice detail too.

So you can see my copious notes and how I'm keeping track. As you can see from the bold "x's" that's where I inadvertently messed up (added and stitch and when fixing lost two stitches, but frogged it out in the end). Quite a few more rows to go, but now that I'm at 200 stitches, it's taking awhile for me to get through a row. I'm hoping the Emmy's next weekend will be a good chance to finish! That and re-watching all of last season's Community. Man, I love that show!

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:00 AM 2 comments  

Labels: Addie Turbo, Community, Frogging, Gauge, Knitting, Sartorial Sundays, Sontag

Ready Player One by Ernest Cline
Published by: Broadway Books
Publication Date: August 16th, 2011
Format: Paperback, 384 Pages
Rating: ★
To Buy

James Halliday is the creator of the OASIS. In all immersive MMO that allows everyone on Earth to escape the horrors of what has become of the world in the near future and go to school, party, or just explore and level their avatar. Halliday was the biggest geek there was and he wanted his passions to be your passions, and his main passion was the 1980s, the time when he was a teenager. When he died he left no heirs and created a treasure hunt within the OASIS to decide who would be worthy of being his successor. His Willy Wonka test was neigh on indecipherable with a little video he made which ended up being nicknamed Anorak's Invitation, after his Avatar, Anorak. Soon a culture of hunters, called gunters, form with the sole purpose of memorizing the minutiae of Halliday and the 80s and finding Halliday's fortune.

Wade Watts is a gunter with the handle Parzival. He has spent five years of his life learning everything there is to know about James Halliday. For five long years no one has made the least bit of headway with the quest until Parzival stumbles on the answer while sitting in his virtual classroom. Within hours two people have passed through the first of three gates that lead to Halliday's egg. It soon becomes clear to Parzival that this is going to end sooner then anyone thought, with more dangers then he could imagine. Now that the first hurtle is passed, it won't be long before things come to a head. While Parzival has troubles trusting the other gunters he's come to view as his friends, the real danger is IOI, a rival organization who wants to win the game, not to win, but to control the OASIS.

As many people have started their review with "this book was written just for my generation and me in particular," well, I figure, I will reiterate that sentiment. Yes, this book was written for me. I was born in 1978, so a little younger then Halliday, and Cline himself, but of the same generation, so to speak. I will not go on and then say that this book is just wonderful and marvelous and just spoke to me, because, well, it just didn't. You know, it actually kind of enrages me that this book is so well regarded and lauded. It isn't the book itself you can be in love with, it just can't be, with it's bland prose riddled with errors, and it's dry clinical writing style, making it almost like a history book, though written by someone with an ego who is very self impressed that they have all this knowledge at their fingertips.

You're in love with the memories this book evokes, the connection it forges using emotional cues from your past. You say "Pac-Man" and I'm a little kid again down at the Brat and Brau feeding quarters into their "Ms. Pac-Man" machine in the few spare minutes I had before the food arrived and my grandmother started piling the A-1 on her dinner. That dark and dingy little restaurant that had the cliched wooden panelling that my basement had and made the restaurant part rathskeller, part sports bar. Side note, I didn't need to read a whole chapter on every level of "Pac-Man" and how the final screen is only half there, I knew that, move on. Cline has taped into the zeitgeist of an era and has just info dumped on us, using touchstones like the Whedonverse to make little geeks and wannabes sqwee with joy. There is nothing that it makes me think of more then the episode of Community "Regional Holiday Music" which they did as a skewering of Glee. One of the songs, to entice Pierce to enter into the singing spirit, was called "Baby Boomer Santa." As Annie said in the episode "Pierce, they're just trying to pander to your demographics documented historical vanity. Resist!" The song is nothing more then a list of things that would appeal to Pierce, from Coca-Cola to The Beatles, Woodstock to Vietnam. This is what Ready Player One does! It just lists things from the 80s that we connect to from Galaga to WarGames and all the hipsters and 80s geeks and everyone is sucked in. To that I echo Annie Edison! RESIST!

This info dump mentality makes the book like the carrion of literature displaying the largest lack of imagination I have seen in a book. Ready Player One is part Willy Wonka, part Ender's Game with John Hughes doing the adaptation. I defy you to find something actually original in this book. All the humor and originality is directly lifted from other sources. Why is the final battle Parzival faces so funny? Because he's in Monty Python and the Holy Grail! The entire action, the entire everything is Monty Python's genius, NOT Ernest Cline's! This happens again and again throughout the book. And then there's Halliday and Morrow. Let's talk about James Halliday and Ogden Morrow, or as they really are, Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak. Even if Cline hadn't laboriously pointed that the "fictitious characters" had been compared to these two real men, there is no grey area here. They are 100% these two men. Halliday even dies! Add to that the fact that Ready Player One goes into Phone Phreaking a lot, and Wozniak was part of this phenomenon, and they just get more and more similar. Then, in the, really, you really had to do that, bash my head against the wall, make me want to light the book on fire, there's the fact that the Wozniak character, Ogden, had the nickname Og, like Wozniak with Woz. Seriously? I mean seriously? It's not funny, it's a joke that is flat. Also, let's keep in mind that everyone knows that Woz is the one who was more, how shall I say, fun and relaxed of the two, so he wouldn't be litigious, even though he's spinning tunes as a DJ in a glass bubble before shooting lightning out of his fingers (yes, this seriously happens, and if it was me, I'd have my lawyer on speed dial). This is just degrading to me and in my mind to him, a man I very much admire. Sure he was on Dancing with the Stars, but you know what, he had a choice in that. I have a strong feeling, that while Halliday is never depicted negatively, if Jobs hadn't been on his deathbed, there might have been some serious legal action on this book.

If I where to just talk about Cline's writing, I would have to go back to the major flaw in this book in that Cline NEVER sticks to his own internal rules he has created. One minute there's never been a game like the WarGames simulation in the first gate, the next second Wade is on a date with Art3mis and they're in a Goonies rendition that is exactly like the simulation no one had ever thought of. When he's getting ready to clear the first gate, it's a Thursday night, clearly stated as Thursday, because he says he only has one more day of school before the weekend. Because of clearing the gate he sleeps through school, but then gets up bright and early the next day and goes to school... on a Saturday? Then the stupid Fyndoro whatever can only be used once in 24 hours, and then they use it like 6 hours later? Um, if you're going to phone in half your book by ripping other, better, people off, the least, the very very least you could do is get your own writing right. To step further away from all the things that are like or ripped off from other sources, let's talk about the part of the book that is Cline's. It's like he doesn't know what he wants his world to be. Is it dystopian, well yes, but then he drastically shifts away from this interesting study of the poor Wade and his living in "the stacks" and goes 180 and it becomes about this "affluent" kid that Wade has become, lured by the gadgets money has bought him. Which takes the soul out of the book. And then it just becomes the typical "Big Brother" story about a company trying to take control of the OASIS at any cost, deaths allowed. So, now the book is a thriller with corporate espionage? Really, Cline, you needed to keep a similar feel and a through line through this book. Instead you made Wade a douche and then I almost wanted the bad guys to win. And in the end, what was the moral? Stop playing games and get a real life? Because, Halliday just had these gunters waste SIX YEARS of their lives to learn that lesson. Douche Halliday. Also, you kind of made me never want to go near a computer again. And what fantasy world is this where a company would actually keep your information private, cause it's not ours? Now that is pure fiction.

To finalize what I refer to now as my ranty rant. There are just so many books and movies and music that Cline has mined, all of which are more original and better, so just go and give credit to the original, not the wannabe. Also, if you want something that actually captures the feeling I think Cline was aiming for, go read or watch Scott Pilgrim. As I read in another review among those fellow haters, I think Sissyneck on goodreads summed it up perfectly. "In a nice manifestation of the novel's lack of self-awareness, Cline at one point derides the villains of the book for simply using "Johnny 5" style robots from Short Circuit instead [of] coming up with their own design. This appropriation, he explains, demonstrates "a lack of imagination," a valid criticism that only too accurately applies to the ostensible heroes of the book, as well as to Cline himself." Right on Sissyneck! And here's a little Pierce Hawthrone to sing us out...

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:00 AM 0 comments  

Labels: 80s, Apple, Community, Ernest Cline, Galadga, Glee, Goonies, MMORPGs, Monty Python, OASIS, Pac-Man, Ready Player One, Scott Pilgrim, Short Circuit, Steve Jobs, Steve Wozniak, WarGames, Willy Wonka