strange and random happenstance

Slade House by David Mitchell
Published by: Random House
Publication Date: October 27th, 2015
Format: Hardcover, 238 Pages
Rating: ★★
To Buy

There is a door. It's small and unassuming. Most people never see it because most of the time it isn't there. But every nine years on the last Saturday of October it's there for the chosen one. Near The Fox and Hounds Pub, Slade Alley is easy to miss. If you don't look carefully you could end up going out the other side wondering how you could have missed the entrance. But through that small door is a beautiful garden leading up to a house. A house that is far too nice for the working class neighborhood the alley is a part of. But then again, you'd never find the house in that neighborhood. It's in a little bubble all it's own, an orison. In 1979 Nathan Bishop is the chosen one. His mother, a pianist, has been asked to perform at Slade House for Lady Norah Grayer. Lady Grayer asked that Nathan be brought along. He spends the day in the garden playing with a boy his age, Jonah. But as they chase each other around the house things begin to shift and change. Nathan is worried that the Valium he snuck from his mother was bad. But it's not the Valium, it's the house. It has lured him in and Norah and Jonah won't let go. Nathan Bishop and his mother are never seen again. Nine years later in 1988 Detective Inspector Gordon Edmonds is looking into the disappearance of Nathan Bishop and his mother because new evidence has surfaced. On the day they disappeared they asked directions from a Fred Pink. Immediately after stepping out of Slade Alley Fred Pink was hit by a car and has spent the intervening years in a coma. When he was catching up on the news that he missed he recognized the Bishops and immediately went to the police. Gordon Edmonds finds Slade House and the beautiful widow Chloe Chetwynd. She uses her feminine wiles to seduce Gordon Edmonds. He is never seen again. In 1997 a group of paranormal investigators made up of college students, one of whom is Fred Pink's nephew, goes missing never to be seen again. In 2006 the sister of one of the missing college student interviews Fred Pink. She to disappears. Like dominoes, each disappearance leads to another and another, stretching back and forward until someone is able to pop the bubble.

Years ago I bought Slade House giddy for a good haunted house story not knowing that it tied heavily into David Mitchell's other book, The Bone Clocks. But then again, all his books tie in. Yet I still thought I should probably do my homework and read The Bone Clocks first. So I put off reading Slade House, and I put off reading it. Then two things happened around the same time, a friend of mine said this book could easily be read as a standalone and I found a copy of The Bone Clocks on the sales table at Barnes and Noble. Thanks for sending me mixed messages universe! So I was basically back at square one. Looking for a good spooky read leading up to Halloween I said fuck it and picked up Slade House and I really wish that I had waited. Typical me would have read The Bone Clocks first. Typical me would have been right. This feels almost like it's the CliffsNotes version of the meticulous worldbuilding that Mitchell has done. There is a literal infodump in the forth chapter that while yes, it makes everything clear, feels too shoehorned in. This information about apertures and orisons and lacunas and psychovoltage feel like they belong to another story. And really, they do. And that is this book's fatal flaw. Yes, you may be given everything you need to know, but it feels shallow. The ending is a literal Deus ex machina where a character from his other books who is from the other feuding immortal faction shows up and puts an end to Norah and Jonah. How is that fair to the readers of this book? It feels not just like Mitchell is cheating the readers of a satisfying ending but is also admonishing them for not doing their homework. I should have known this wasn't likely a book for me because of the comparisons the The Turn of the Screw. My main problem with that story is there is no jeopardy. You know the governess survives. The same could be said here. There is no driving force because every narrator dies so your investment in the characters will never pay off so you quickly learn to disassociate from all of them. And this isn't even going into my issues about how Mitchell handles each decade and the derogatory language he uses. Sure, it's era appropriate, but much like everything to do with this book I could have done without.

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:00 AM 0 comments  

Labels: CliffsNotes, David Mitchell, Deus Ex Machina, Disappearances, Ghosts, Going Gothic, Haunted House, Immortality, Infodump, Orison, Slade House, Souls, The Bone Clocks, The Turn of the Screw, Worldbuilding

The Glittering Court by Richelle Mead
Published by: Razorbill
Publication Date: April 5th, 2016
Format: Hardcover, 416 Pages
Rating: ★★
To Buy

Lady Elizabeth Witmore, the Countess of Rothford, can't stand her life. Orphaned and raised by her grandmother on their ever diminishing funds she is being forced into a marriage with a distant cousin who has a very overbearing mother. Her household is being scattered and she is surprised to find out that one of her maids, Ada, has been approached by The Glittering Court. The Glittering Court is in essence a mail-order bride service for those wealthy men who have a pioneering spirit and have relocated to the New World, Adoria. The Court spends a year training the girls in all the skills Elizabeth has had drilled into her since birth and then they are sent to Adoria where hopefully a bidding war will ensue. The Court makes money and the girls are given a chance at a life they could never have dreamt of. Though Ada seems oddly reluctant. She'd far rather go home to her family's dairy than go to Adoria. Which gives Lady Elizabeth an idea. She will take Ada's place. The idea formed in her mind has to be acted on quickly. The Court is picking up Ada that night. Elizabeth quickly sends Ada off to the dairy of her dreams and feigns a headache. As soon as she is alone she dons Ada's clothes and leaves her house as Adelaide, leaving "Lady Elizabeth" behind.

The first hurdle happens almost immediately. Cedric Thorn, whom Ada and Elizabeth met that afternoon, is in the carriage and soon the alarm is raised for a missing Countess. But Cedric keeps her secret and when they arrive at the manor where "Adelaide" will be taught they reach an agreement, Cedric explaining how she mustn't excel, she must reign in all that is natural to her, and he won't tell anyone who she really is. Over the following months she feels freer than she ever has before. She has real friends in her roommates Mira and Tamsin. She has a future that is of her own making. But soon her heart starts to betray her. She's falling for Cedric and he's the number one person she shouldn't be falling for. As it turns out Cedric himself has secrets, and their bond grows stronger through the sharing of their true selves. Yet if anything, this friendship doesn't dampen "Adelaide's" desire to succeed, she throws caution to the wind and becomes the diamond in the crown of the Court. This might not have been the wisest plan, making herself so visible, but it affords her the greatest leeway in choosing a husband as well as helping to protect Cedric's big secret. Yet truth will out and soon life in the New World is more dangerous than just worrying about the natives.

When I was listening to the buzz surrounding this book I was all like, yeah, Elizabethan YA awesomeness, I'm so there! And yes, there's Elizabethan, but there's also Jamestown and Salem and the California Gold Rush and Braveheart and and and... there was too much and. The Glittering Court felt like a book with a multiple personality disorder, or to be more accurate a multiple period disorder. Richelle Mead clearly didn't know what time period she wanted to emulate so instead of forging the story's own unique blend she borrowed liberally from all these different periods. The key problem is this lack of integration. When the book is Elizabethan it's obviously Elizabethan, when the book is Salem it's obviously Salem. These abrupt shifts in period are jarring and take you out of the story. You never once get a true feeling for the world of Osfrid and Adoria, they are just aspects of our own past that aren't filtered through the narrative but clumsily transitioned to from one to the other. Each time period feels uniquely of it's own time never merging the story into a cohesive whole. Therefore the narrative never has a chance to be anything other than a clumsily told story that could have been so much more but instead is so much "other" that it never had a chance to be itself.

While these period shifts became more and more jarring I was surprised that I actually latched onto one of them. For a short while the book actually captured my attention. After Adelaide and Cedric have declared their love for each other and been ostracized from Adorian Society they try to make it panning for gold. This is obviously the California Gold Rush/Oregon Trail period of the book and totally not the Elizabethan book I had signed on for, but somehow it worked. By stripping the narrative of all the extraneous characters and customs and eras, by stripping it down to the bare minimum, all of a sudden I liked it. The book no longer had these multiple periods fighting for dominance and it proves 100% that if Mead had forged her own unique and simpler path then perhaps this book could have worked. Adelaide and Cedric panning for gold was delightful. For the first time you really felt their connection. Their relationship was no longer a plot contrivance and the HEA we were working towards. It was no longer them being thrown together, it was them coming together and forging their future. Plus, seeing the two of them outside their comfort zone and dealing with new challenges and everything this new environment threw at them was priceless. Cedric's lack of carpentry skills is truly a highlight of this book.

But this one little slice of the book didn't make up for how predictable and just plan meh it was overall. Literally each and every single "twist" was seen coming so far in advance it was like Mead was telegraphing the punches to come. Semaphore anyone? I mean as soon as I heard they had to sail to Adoria I'm all, shipwreck! And of course there is. But by that point I was all shipwreck fake out, and of course that was the case again. If I hadn't been trying to force myself to finish this book I might have been laughing at the book, instead I was groaning. I mean, seriously, the country they sail across the Sunset Sea to is Adoria!?! Horrid saccharine backlash, teeth aching from the sweetness. If at some point in your book about mail-order brides there is an attempted rape, perhaps tone down the Disney Princess vibe? The closest example to what this book reminds me of is the TV show Reign. Because despite being ostensibly about Mary Queen of Scots, it has modern pop music and dresses that sometimes look like they were designed by Dior. This combination of the Elizabethan time period and Gossip Girl works because of one key element, they know they are camp and play it up to the hilt and therefore it is fun. This lack of self-awareness, this inability to see what The Glittering Court really is it's downfall.

Yet even if Mead had camped it up or bothered to do some worldbuilding the book still couldn't have worked because of Elizabeth/Adelaide. I have so many issues with the lead I just want to smack her. Some of her faults could be blamed on her upbringing but keep in mind, she's fictional! So her tunnel vision, her self-absorbed, self-centered ways don't come off as quirks or obstacles to overcome, they just come across as annoying. Even when she's "helping" others it's really only to help herself. Oh, and her grief over her lost friend? Um... that seemed like self-indulgent whinging. Yes, there's pain, but she freakin' caused it by being so self-centered. If she had been a little self-sacrificing, perhaps she could have been redeemable, but even working the gold claim with Cedric is just so she can get Cedric. Every. Single. Thing. She. Does. Is. For. Herself. The ONLY aspect of her personality that I found interesting was her ability to forge artwork. This could have led somewhere, but instead it is a contrived plot device used as the deus ex machina. Imagine if this ability to mimic was used as a commentary on "Adelaide" herself? A girl who could be the perfect society woman, who could mimic what all the others did and in fact surpass them but in the end could never be unique. Now that would have added some depth to this book.

Yet, with a book titled The Glittering Court I should have realized it would all be surface, no depth. The old saying all that glitters isn't gold, just points out this is all glitter, the kind that rubs off onto your hands and gets everywhere. Because time and time again there were opportunities for depth, and time and time again they were pushed aside, and have resulted in a major plot hole. The central conceit of the book comes down to the feasibility of an actual "Glittering Court." Does this idea for fantastical Elizabethan mail-order brides seem possible? Well yes and no. Yes, what we've seen of it seems to work, but no because what about the previous brides? THIS is the plot hole. The previous members of the "Court" are mentioned ONCE in passing. Aiana is mentioned as an employee of the Court who checks up on the previous wives. But why is this the only mention of them? Don't you think that perhaps a goodly portion of these women are probably living in the main town in Adoria? Why don't we meet any of them? Don't you think that they could sell us, the readers, as well as the hesitant girls on accepting marriage proposals and the viability and success of this operation? But no, that's too much thinking for this book. Perhaps it will be addressed in a later volume. A volume which I won't be reading.

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:00 AM 0 comments  

Labels: Art Forgery, Deus Ex Machina, Dior, Elizabethan, Gold Rush, Gossip Girl, Jamestown, Mail-Order Brides, Mary Queen of Scots, Oregon Trail, Reign, Richelle Mead, Salem Witch Trials, Shipwreck, The Glittering Court, YA

Poirot Investigates by Agatha Christie
Published by: Harper Collins
Publication Date: 1924
Format: Hardcover, 320 Pages
Rating: ★★★
To Buy

While Poirot takes on cases that are immense in scope, occasionally he takes on those smaller, but still significant cases, sometimes with the fate of the world in the balance, that can be solved very quickly, comme ca. From jewel heists to mysterious deaths, people in disguises to Egyptian curses, disappearances, both staged and unfortunate, to a will most cunningly hidden, Poirot has a host of clients, thankfully none of them with missing dogs. Poirot's genius succeeds at every turn and the police and Hastings are baffled that his little grey cells are able to make such leaps of intuition, in more than one case, without even leaving his bed. Because all you need is your little grey cells, everything else is just fodder.

Recently I read an article about Terry Pratchett and his distaste for modern storytelling, in particular Doctor Who. In the interview he said "On planet Earth it's generally taken for granted that it's a bad thing to introduce into a narrative some last-minute solution that was totally unexpected and unheralded ... The unexpected, unadvertised solution which kisses it all better is known as a deus ex machina – literally, a god from the machine. And a god from the machine is what the Doctor now is. A decent detective story provides you with enough tantalising information to allow you to make a stab at a solution before the famous detective struts his stuff in the library. Doctor Who replaces this with speed, fast talking, and what appears to be that wonderful element 'makeitupasyougalongeum'."

This is exactly my problem when you take a Poirot story and make it short. I have always had reservations about short stories. They can be shallow and way too short. With the case of Poirot, you don't get the joy of following him every step of the way so that it's conceivable that you could solve it, instead you get his, and here's how it happened, with Poirot as God. We aren't given "enough tantalising information!" Also, while I was familiar with a lot of these stories from the TV series, I can see why they had to expand and pad them out, they were making them what Christie should have made them in the first place, fully formed stories without "unexpected and unheralded" endings. Instead, we are left with Hastings scratching out heads. And if I've said it once I'll say it a thousand times, I do not want any comparison between me and Hastings, thank you very much.

Speaking of Hastings... he seems really a little hard on Poirot in his narration. Always commenting on how Poirot is full of himself, a little man with a big ego and unjustifiably vain in his abilities. I'm sorry Hastings, but seeing as he can solve cases without leaving his house and is able to get a result every time, that isn't unjustifiably vain, it's justifiably vain. That lovely little Belgian has every right to toot his own horn, and you even are going "How does he do it?" and marvelling at his little grey cells. You can't praise him to his face and then grumble about his genius too! You can't have it both ways the way you are written. Either you think he's vain or he's a justifiably vain genius, you aren't written to begrudgingly talk about his genius. You are astounded so much that your carping on makes you sound like a bitter little man not accepting of his friends personality quirks but still riding his coattails. Another reason not to like Hastings. The Argentine can't come soon enough for you matey.

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:00 AM 0 comments  

Labels: Agatha Christie, Belgian, Deus Ex Machina, Doctor Who, Egypt, Golden Summer, Hastings, Poirot, Poirot Investigates, Short Story, Terry Pratchett, Vanity