American Horror Story: Delicate
American Horror Story is a cultural phenomenon. It took such a hold over everyone that despite the continuing declining quality over the last decade we all keep tuning in. We watch to see our stable of Ryan Murphy staples in new yet familiar roles. Every season we wait with baited breath to see what Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk will make us fear next. For me it was never seeing Jessica Lange do a David Bowie impersonation ever again. What makes this newest season, Delicate, so unique isn't that they're trying to make us think that Kim Kardashian can act and that she's somehow still human with all that plastic surgery she's had, but that it's based on a book. That's right, we're getting the body horror and the pregnancy trope this time thanks to Danielle Rollins and her book Delicate Condition. So it's nice to actually have a female take on something that's happened in almost every season. Wait, is there even a season without a weird pregnancy? Murder House, obviously, Asylum, yes, with aliens, oh Coven breaks the cycle, but don't worry, there were many more creepy pregnancies in the following seasons. But what's extra weird here is that they were filming the book months before it was even released. And I'm not sure why. Though it's not like this is the first time it's ever happened. The publishing world and how rights are acquired are their own horror show. Also having to split the season in half because of the writers strike, despite production on this season crossing the picket line, didn't do it any favors. Any momentum that it had, and let's be honest, it didn't have much, just died in the womb. This could have been a tight three episode season instead it was a bloated nine. I do give it credit that we learned what the weird immortal "Alice in Wonderland" bunny "delicates" that look like they're from Good Omens were plotting. It was a superrace of monster who were going to take over the world and fix it making it a matriarchy if you were wondering. I mean, OK, but this does seem like a very very long game. Seeing as they controlled Queen Mary couldn't they have achieved their goals faster? But that's beside the point, because even if they had been able to achieve their goals sooner I wouldn't have cared because I hated every single character. The acting was so bad it almost swung around to good again, but don't worry it pushed through and I can definitively say this isn't just the worst acted series of American Horror Story, it might be one of the worst acted series I've even seen. Case in point, Kim Kardashian. She can't act. You think I'm being hyperbolic? In one scene she has to just stand still and shake. She can't even do that. Also her voice is so flat. There's no modulation. Just a monotonous murmur. This season was literally so bad it might have actually made me give up on the show. Something I should have probably done long long ago. I will say that there were two episodes with succinct and interesting plots, and those two episodes were good. Especially the Mia Farrow bit with her on the set of Rosemary's Baby. Because in the end that's all this season wanted to be. Here's a hint. Go watch the film instead. Heck, go watch the remake with Zoe Saldana, because it would be better than this.
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