strange and random happenstance

Deadlocked by Charlaine Harris
Published by: Ace
Publication Date: May 1st, 2012
Format: Hardcover, 336 Pages
To Buy

The official patter:
"With Felipe de Castro, the Vampire King of Louisiana (and Arkansas and Nevada), in town, it’s the worst possible time for a body to show up in Eric Northman’s front yard—especially the body of a woman whose blood he just drank.
Now, it’s up to Sookie and Bill, the official Area Five investigator, to solve the murder. Sookie thinks that, at least this time, the dead girl’s fate has nothing to do with her. But she is wrong. She has an enemy, one far more devious than she would ever suspect, who’s out to make Sookie’s world come crashing down."

Ah Sookie... a new book about you is always the signal to me that Summer is beginning... now if you just didn't look like your sitting on the toilet and flying through mid-air, I'd be really happy.

The Uninvited Guests by Sadie Jones
Published by: HarperPublication Date: May 1st, 2012
Format: Hardcover, 272 Pages
To Buy

The official patter:
"One late spring evening in 1912, in the kitchens at Sterne, preparations begin for an elegant supper party in honor of Emerald Torrington's twentieth birthday. But only a few miles away, a dreadful accident propels a crowd of mysterious and not altogether savory survivors to seek shelter at the ramshackle manor—and the household is thrown into confusion and mischief.

The cook toils over mock turtle soup and a chocolate cake covered with green sugar roses, which the hungry band of visitors is not invited to taste. But nothing, it seems, will go according to plan. As the passengers wearily search for rest, the house undergoes a strange transformation. One of their number (who is most definitely not a gentleman) makes it his business to join the birthday revels.

Evening turns to stormy night, and a most unpleasant parlor game threatens to blow respectability to smithereens: Smudge Torrington, the wayward youngest daughter of the house, decides that this is the perfect moment for her Great Undertaking.

The Uninvited Guests is the bewitching new novel from the critically acclaimed Sadie Jones. The prizewinning author triumphs in this frightening yet delicious drama of dark surprises—where social codes are uprooted and desire daringly trumps propriety—and all is alight with Edwardian wit and opulence. "

That discription is screaming "Read ME Miss Eliza!"

The Serpent's Shadow by Rick Riordan
Published by: Hayperion
Publication Date: May 1st, 2012
Format: Hardcover, 416 Pages
To Buy

The official patter:
"He's b-a-a-ack! Despite their best efforts, Carter and Sade Kane can't seem to keep Apophis, the chaos snake, down. Now Apophis is threatening to plunge the world into eternal darkness, and the Kanes are faced with the impossible task of having to destroy him once and for all. Unfortunately, the magicians of the House of Life are on the brink of civil war, the gods are divided, and the young initiates of Brooklyn House stand almost alone against the forces of chaos. The Kanes' only hope is an ancient spell that might turn the serpent's own shadow into a weapon, but the magic has been lost for a millennia. To find the answer they need, the Kanes must rely on the murderous ghost of a powerful magician who might be able to lead them to the serpent's shadow . . . or might lead them to their deaths in the depths of the underworld.

Nothing less than the mortal world is at stake when the Kane family fulfills its destiny in this thrilling conclusion to the Kane Chronicles."

I was unimpressed by the first book in this series, but I really need to give it another try with two more now.

Silence by Michelle Sagara
Published by: DAW
Publication Date: May 1st, 2012
Format: Hardcover, 256 Pages
To Buy

The official patter:
"It began in the graveyard. Ever since her boyfriend Nathan died in a tragic accident Emma had been coming to the graveyard at night. During the day she went through the motions at her prep school, in class, with her friends, but that’s all it was. But tonight was different. Tonight Emma and her dog were not alone in the cemetery. There were two others there—Eric, who had just started at her school, and an ancient woman who looked as though she were made of rags. And when they saw Emma there, the old woman reached out to her with a grip as chilling as death…."

Sounds interesing and spooky.

Mud, Sweat, and Tears by Bear Grylls
Published by: William Morrow
Publication Date: May 1st, 2012
Format: Hardcover, 416 Pages
To Buy

The official patter:
"Already a #1 London Sunday Times Bestseller, Mud, Sweat, and Tears is the adrenaline-fueled autobiography of the mega-popular star of the hit survival series Man Vs. Wild, adventurer Bear Grylls. A former British Special Forces commando, a man who has always sought the ultimate in dangerous challenges, Bear’s true story reads like an outdoors action and adventure novel. But Bear’s story is true—full of breathtaking escapes and remarkable exploits that would make any Jack London or H. Ryder Haggard hero proud."

Bear fascinates me. I really like his show but I just have this feeling he's a bit of a pompous dick. Like the kind of person who at a dinner party, you're hanging out near the horderves and he's like "You think that's bad, I've eaten a raw snake."

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:00 AM 0 comments  

Labels: Bear Grylls, Charlaine Harris, Deadlocked, Michelle Sagara, Mud Sweat and Tears, Rick Riordan, Sadie Jones, Silence, The Serpent's Shadow, The Uninvited Guests

Book of a Thousand Days by Shannon Hale
Published by: Bloomsbury
Publication Date: September 18th 2007
Format: Hardcover, 320 Pages
Rating: ★★★★★
To Buy(different edition than one reviewed)

Dashti's mother has died on the steppes. Leaving the other muckers behind, she takes refuge in the city of Titor's Garden. Dashti's ability to read and write makes her a valuable servant, not to mention her knowledge of the healing songs of the muckers. She is trained to be a serving maid to Lady Saren, the illiterate daughter of the city's leader. Dashti's first day of work is more than she could ever have bargained for. Arriving at Saren's home, the house is in an uproar. Lady Saren is to be locked up in a tower for her refusal to marry Khasar, the leader of nearby Thoughts of Under. Whence her lady goes, there goes Dashti, even if they just met. The days pass slowly in the tower. But with food for seven years, Dashti feels more secure than she did starving on the steppes wondering where her next meal was to come from.

But her lady is not well. Dashti sings to her and tends to her every need to no avail. Saren is holding onto a dark secret to do with Khasar that nothing can relieve. Their only hope comes one day when Khan Tegus secretly arrives. He is the leader of nearby Song for Evela and Saren's secret fiance. He brings them news from the outside world, even if Saren refuses to talk to him and Dashti must pretend to be her mistress, for which she hopes the Gods won't strike her down. They communicate night after night through the little hole in the base of the tower, till one night, Khasar attacks. They hear no more of Tegus, no more of their guards, and their food supply is in danger. The rats have found them. Which is not so big a worry as Saren's overeating.

Facing a slow death or finding a way out of the tower are the only options left to them. But the outside world has changed. Khasar has started a war with all the eight realms. Titor's Garden is no more. The two girls slowly make their way to Song for Evela, hoping that Khan Tegus can protect them. But once their Saren refuses to make herself known and asks Dashti to once more pretend to be her, despite there being a new fiance from Beloved of Ris. There is more war on the horizon. Dashti is but a mucker faced with hard decisions and a Lady who she is respecting less and less. Could a lowly mucker save all the eight realms and get the prince? Or will evil win?


The fact that our heroine is locked in a tower should be the first hint that this is a tale from the Brothers Grimm. Those brothers sure did like their maidens bricked up in out of the way locales. Shannon Hale writing it is another good sign. Shannon Hale has made her name with her retelling of fairy tales written by the Brothers Grimm, from The Goose Girl to Rapunzel's Revenge, she has taken the weak, put upon women, and strengthened them and given them new life. The retelling of Fairy Tales is a popular pastime in fiction, especially in young adult fiction. Fairy Tales are the building blocks we all played with as children. They are simple stories to teach us right from wrong. They are stories that, as we age, we see the flaws and the wrongs. But still, they resonate with us. Book of a Thousand Days is based on one of the lesser known stories by the Brothers Grimm, "Maid Maleen." The story of "Maid Maleen," unlike the title suggest, is not about a maid at all. We follow the brave princess locked in the tower who one day escapes and flees to the country of her beloved. Once there, she finds work in the kitchens and as begged by the ugly fiance of the king to pose as her during the wedding ceremony, the rightful princess and the rightful prince are reunited and cue the happily ever after.

Here we see the themes that Hale will employ in her retelling, disguises, imprisonment and resolution of woes. But what of the actual maid? What of "Dashti"? In the original story there is but one mention of the maid being locked into the tower with her mistress. Shannon Hale latched onto this simple line. To be imprisoned for a crime that is not yours, to be locked up with someone you don't know. Someone who is illiterate and woebegone. The day to day life that Dashti narrates, with the good as well as the bad, the growth as well as the set backs are what make this book so wonderful. While it is said that it takes a thousand days to know someone, by reading this book you know Dashti. A simple story about obedience from hundreds of years ago has brought forth a story of one girl's struggles to find herself and her place in the world. And it's totally empowering. Sometimes the old needs to infused with the new to make it relevant in today's world. Retelling a tale is all it takes.

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:00 AM 0 comments  

Labels: Book of a Thousand Days, Brothers Grimm, Dashti, Fairy Tale Fortnight, Goose Girl, Khan Tegus, Lady Saren, Rapunzel's Revenge, Shannon Hale

I Capture the Castle by Dodie Smith
Published by: St. Martin's Press
Publication Date: 1948
Format: Paperback, 352 Pages
Rating: ★★★★
To Buy(different edition than one reviewed)

Cassandra Mortmain spends her days in the castle recording her life in her journals. Content, yet poor. Her sister Rose is anything but content. She would make a deal with the devil if it meant a way out of this dreary life. Scrapping by on little to no food or money while suffering her exotic, and usually nude, stepmother, Topaz, while her father spends his time in his tower not writing a follow-up to his successful book Jacob Wrestling, Rose is desperate from some way out. Then the Cottons arrive one night. Not only do they own the local estate, Scoatney Hall, and therefore the castle, but they are young, single, American, fans of the girls father, and most importantly, a way out for Rose. At first it looks like Rose's desperation has scared the young men away, but soon Simon and Neil return.

After an embarrassing and amusing incident with some fur coats the girls have inherited from their aunt, Simon and Neil realize that they where wrong to judge Rose and Cassandra so quickly. Rose soon has the ring on her finger from the elder brother Neil, whom Cassandra ends up falling for on Midsummer's Eve while Rose is away in London buying her trousseau. Cassandra wallows in misery, convinced that Rose doesn't love Simon and that if they could only break their father's writers block then they would have money and Rose wouldn't have to prostitute herself. Using immersion therapy, Cassandra and her little brother go to extremes to get their father back. Even if they do get him writing, is it soon enough for Rose? And if Rose where out of the way, could Simon love Cassandra?

Cassandra is one charismatic narrator, as the cover proudly proclaims, thanks to J.K. Rowling. The way she sees her world and describes the day to day events makes you loath for it to ever end. The character of Miss Marcy, the local librarian and school teacher, says it best. She wonders what happens after. She sometimes spends nights awake wondering what came after "The End." This book more than most leaves me wondering the same thing. I don't just wonder, I want to know. I want to go into this world and live there. I want to live in the castle, preferably with enough food and a mattress without a wonky spring. I want to see the funny bathroom and stroll the battlements.

The plot, while it does exist, doesn't drive the book, the characters do. It's about capturing the lives of the people who reside in and around the castle. We are one with Cassandra as she comes of age and realizes what matters in life. How you can't always have your way or chose who you love. Life isn't nice and neat with a clear ending, but messy and romantic and cold and wet and wonderful all at once. And perfection really just might be a box of chocolates and a hot bath next to the fire.

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:00 AM 0 comments  

Labels: Cassandra Mormain, Cottons, Dodie Smith, I Capture the Castle, J.K. Rowling, Jacob Wrestling, Midsomer's Eve, Scoatney Hall

The Selection by Kiera Case
Published by: HarperTeen
Publication Date: April 24th, 2012
Format: Hardcover, 336 Pages
To Buy

The official patter:
"For thirty-five girls, the Selection is the chance of a lifetime. The opportunity to escape the life laid out for them since birth. To be swept up in a world of glittering gowns and priceless jewels. To live in the palace and compete for the heart of the gorgeous Prince Maxon.

But for America Singer, being Selected is a nightmare. It means turning her back on her secret love with Aspen, who is a caste below her. Leaving her home to enter a fierce competition for a crown she doesn't want. Living in a palace that is constantly threatened by violent rebel attacks.

Then America meets Prince Maxon. Gradually, she starts to question all the plans she's made for herself- and realizes that the life she's always dreamed of may not compare to a future she never imagined."
I'm a sucker for that cover. If the book is anywhere near as good I'll be a happy camper.

Spirit's Princess by Esther Friesner
Published by: Random House
Publication Date: April 24th, 2012
Format: Hardcover, 464 Pages
To Buy

The official patter:
"Himiko the beloved daughter of a chieftain in third century Japan has always been special. The day she was born there was a devastating earthquake, and the tribe's shamaness had an amazing vision revealing the young girl's future—one day this privledged child will be the spiritual and tribal leader over all of the tribes. Book One revolves around the events of Himiko's early teen years—her shaman lessons, friendships, contact with other tribes, and journey to save her family after a series of tragic events. Once again, Esther Friesner masterfully weaves together history, myth, and mysticism in a tale of a princess whose path is far from traditional."

The next in Friesner's Princesses series. When I met her last year she said "Wait till the next one, I'm going to make all the young girls cry." Let's see how she does shall we?

The Secret of the Ginger Mice by Frances Watts
Published by: Runnin Press Kids
Publication Date: April 24th, 2012
Format: Hardcover, 304 Pages
To Buy

The official patter:
"Alistair, Alex, and Alice have always been an inseparable (though not necessarily harmonious) triplet of mice…that is until Alistair is kidnapped one summer’s night. While Alistair tries to make heads or tails of falling from the sky onto another young ginger-colored mouse named Tibby Rose (a most unusual incident on all accounts), Alex and Alice set off to find their missing brother. But in a world where spies abound and an elusive underground organization called FIG is only heard about in shushed bits and pieces, figuring out whom to trust is no small task for this intrepid trio. The key to the mystery seems to be within their grasp, but it only hints at another hair-raising adventure and creates more questions that seemed destined to remain unanswered.

Full of warm, clean humor and whippet-quick wit, Frances Watts’ new trilogy will effortlessly charm readers and adventurers alike."

Charm, blah blah blah. They're mice and they're Gingers! The Doctor is jealous!

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott
Published by: Penguin Classics
Publication Date: April 24th, 2012
Format: Paperback, 528 Pages
To Buy

The official patter:
"Little Women is recognized as one of the best-loved classic children's stories, transcending the boundaries of time and age, making it as popular with adults as it is with young readers. The beloved story of the March girls is a classic American feminist novel, reflecting the tension between cultural obligation and artistic and personal freedom. But which of the four March sisters to love best? For every reader must have their favorite. Independent, tomboyish Jo; delicate, loving Beth; pretty, kind Meg; or precocious and beautiful Amy, the baby of the family? The charming story of these four "little women" and their wise and patient mother Marmee enduring hardships and enjoying adventures in Civil War New England was an instant success when first published in 1868 and has been adored for generations."

Is it a shock that this beauitiful new edition is by Penguin? Nope, none at all.

Heat Rises by Richard Castle
Published by: Hyperion
Publication Date: April 24th, 2012
Format: Paperback, 432 Pages
To Buy

The official patter:
"Fast-paced and full of intrigue, Heat Rises pairs the tough and sexy NYPD Homicide Detective Nikki Heat with hotshot reporter Jameson Rook in New York Times bestselling author Richard Castle's most thrilling mystery yet.

The bizarre murder of a parish priest at a New York bondage club opens Nikki Heat's most thrilling and dangerous case so far, pitting her against New York's most vicious drug lord, an arrogant CIA contractor, and a shadowy death squad out to gun her down. And that is just the tip of an iceberg that leads to a dark conspiracy reaching all the way to the highest level of the NYPD.

But when she gets too close to the truth, Nikki finds herself disgraced, stripped of her badge, and out on her own as a target for killers with nobody she can trust. Except maybe the one man in her life who's not a cop. Reporter Jameson Rook.

In the midst of New York's coldest winter in a hundred years, there's one thing Nikki is determined to prove: Heat Rises."

Castle in paperback, oh yeah!

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:00 AM 0 comments  

Labels: Esther Friesner, Frances Watts, Heat Rises, Kiera Cass, Little Women, Louisa May Alcott, Richard Castle, Spirit's Princess, The Secret of the Ginger Mice, The Selection

Silent in the Grave: Lady Julia Book 1 by Deanna Raybourn
Published by: Mira
Publication Date: December 1st, 2007
Format: Paperback, 435 Pages
Rating: ★★
To Buy
Lady Julia Grey meets Nicholas Brisbane for the first time the night her husband Edward dies suddenly. Edward was always a frail man with lingering health problems, so it wasn't a surprise. Julia knew her entire life that Edward would die young. Yet Nicholas Brisbane thinks that Edward may have been hastened to the grave. Edward hired Nicholas before his death because he had been receiving death threats, and discreetly looking into matters of this nature is what Nicholas does. When Nicholas brings this information to Julia, she pushes it aside, not believing that foul play is at work here, only bad genetics. Nicholas' heir, his cousin Simon, is also dying under Julia's roof from the same health complications.

A year later Julia changes her mind about Edward's death. While finally cleaning out his study she stumbles upon one of these death threats and realizes the vitriol that was spewed forth and that perhaps Brisbane was right. Rushing to hire him, she is met with a man who is now all objections. Nicholas Brisbane says it's been too long, there is no chance, yet Julia pushes. Finally they agree to work the case together. Despite many acquaintances and Julia's large and eccentric family, the killer might be closer than either of them thought. Dealing with dangerous Romanies, health complications, degenerate footmen, and an unwelcome feathered visitor, is what it will take to find the answer to the death of Edward Grey. The clues are all there if only Julia would see.

I am sick of widows! No, seriously people. Stop having widows be the heroines of your Victorian series. This is symptomatic of an underlying genre crutch. A woman of this time period would have no independence unless she was widowed, therefore, windows run wild. I really don't think there could possibly be that many widows solving crime during the reign of Queen Victoria. Or that many husbands conveniently dying to have this many windows. Just take window add single, slightly unsavory man, have them solve some crime, if it's the first in the series, have them solve the death of window's husband, and viola. I picked up Silent in the Grave because felicitously I had it on my shelf and it was the book for my Vaginal Fantasy Hangout Book Club in February. Let's put it this way... I was so dispirited by the formulaic nature of the book that I didn't join in the discussion on our book club night and in fact opted to do homework. Yes, I chose homework versus talking about a book. There is a first time for everything.

There where many non-conventional elements that I liked. Julia's eccentric family that has been very odd for centuries, and willing accepts that being gay is just what you are. No one offers any objections to her sister's lifestyle, which is oddly refreshing. Also the underlying Romany Culture was fascinating and, I will admit, will entrance me almost every time. Add in just a dash of mysticism, and I'm hooked. So, there where things that made this book unique, just not enough.

Now let me get to Nicholas. Ah, Mr. Brisbane. You are unkempt, ill mannered, have a few dark secrets, have multiple addictions to illicit substances, really have nothing that would appeal to a woman, and have more than a few things in common with Sherlock Holmes. In fact, it's rather odd HOW much you have in common with Sherlock Holmes... in fact, the Robert Downey Junior version to be precise. I don't know if it was coincidence, or if the newest Sherlock Holmes was just borrowing heavily from this book, which came out two years prior to the movie... but there where so many similarities I was shocked. The smokey/purple glasses where the first hint, then the fight in the Romany tent... WOW. It was quite literally the fight at the beginning of Sherlock Holmes... so, here you go, Nicholas Brisbane in the living flesh, glasses and all:

There is only one mystery left to solve. Will I pick up the next one? Probably. I now have no expectations, so perhaps I will enjoy it more.

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:00 AM 0 comments  

Labels: Deanna Raybourn, Lady Julia, Nicholas Brisbane, Queen Victoria, Robert Downey Junior, Sherlock Holmes, Silent in the Grave, Victorian

Sparkling Cyanide by Agatha Christie
Published by: HarperCollins
Publication Date: 1945
Format: Hardcover, 160 Pages
Rating: ★★★★
To Buy
There are six people thinking of Rosemary. Her husband and his secretary, her sister and the man she loves, Rosemary's ex-lover and his wife. A year before they all saw her die in front of their eyes of cyanide poisoning. Ruled a suicide, they where all dining with her around the restaurant table when she took her life. No one had any inkling that her death was anything other than that.  Till her husband George gets an anonymous letter saying that Rosemary was murdered. George becomes obsessed with finding his wife's killer. He concocts a plan to bring everyone back together on the anniversary of his wife's death. He will recreate the circumstances and the killer will be revealed. Only George didn't think that maybe the killer would strike again in the same fashion. The good Colonel Race steps in with Scotland Yard to sort out who among the dinners was the killer. Because if the second death proved anything, it was that Rosemary was murdered.

The greatest advantage Sparkling Cyanide has is that I've never seen an adaptation of it. I will fully admit at the outset I am an Agatha Christie whore. Give me some Poirot with David Suchet, give me some Marple with Geraldine McEwan, who in my mind was the truest Marple, sorry Julia McKenzie, I really liked you in Cranford, but you ain't Marple. It's also surprising that this hasn't been bastardized into an episode of Marple, which is the BBC's newest obsession. What do you do when you run out of Marple stories to tell? Start fiddling with the non-Marple stories but of course, Pale Horse anyone? I heard what you're up to with Endless Night, and there's no way that that will work, it's not a good Christie book, so try something else. Therefore, unlike previous delvings into Christie, I didn't have an inkling who-dun-it. And that's the key to Christie isn't it? At least the first time you read the book. The second time is watching how the puzzle was seamlessly put together and then realizing you had to be an idiot to swallow all those red herrings.

Yet, the murder, while interesting, wasn't what made this book so wonderful for me. The elegance of the time period and the characters are what drew me in. The glamor of Rosemary. Her life of partying and gambling. Her clothes and her carriage. The ritzy restaurant that had a cabaret show and dancing. All the dancing. The details of the couture, the severe lines and emeralds of one dress, the young naivety of another. Ah, to go back then just for the ambiance. I can see it all so clearly. Yet, that is, in essence, window dressing. The people inside the clothes are what matter most. Starting the book with a chapter from each of the different characters POV connects us to them in a way that a normal narrative wouldn't. If one of these characters is the killer, than we have missed the flaw in their thought patterns. One of these people had to have done it. Yet there's nothing that is obvious until the end. This works in a way that the narration of Christie's other novel, Endless Night didn't. By showing us all the suspects, we know that all but one are telling the truth and aren't forced to rely on a single narrator. The police and Race fall rather flat compared to the other characters, mainly because we weren't allowed a peak behind the curtain. This book will leave you hanging till the very end when everything falls into place and is put back on the table.

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:00 AM 0 comments  

Labels: Agatha Christie, David Suchet, Endless Night, Geraldine McEwan, Julia McKenzie, Marple, Pale Horse, Poirot, Poison, Sparkling Cyanide

Let's Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson (The Blogess)
Published by: Putnam
Publication Date: April 17th, 2012
Format: Hardcover, 336 Pages
To Buy

The official patter:
"For fans of Tina Fey and David Sedaris—Internet star Jenny Lawson, aka The Bloggess, makes her literary debut.

Jenny Lawson realized that the most mortifying moments of our lives—the ones we’d like to pretend never happened—are in fact the ones that define us. In Let’s Pretend This Never Happened, Lawson takes readers on a hilarious journey recalling her bizarre upbringing in rural Texas, her devastatingly awkward high school years, and her relationship with her long-suffering husband, Victor. Chapters include: “Stanley the Magical, Talking Squirrel”; “A Series of Angry Post-It Notes to My Husband”; “My Vagina Is Fine. Thanks for Asking”; “And Then I Snuck a Dead Cuban Alligator on an Airplane.” Pictures with captions (no one would believe these things without proof) accompany the text."

Ok, so, only one book I'm recommending this week... but I think this book trailer makes it pretty obvious why! (Yeah Wil Wheaton collating!)

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:00 AM 0 comments  

Labels: The Blogess, Wil Wheaton

The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield
Published by: Atria
Publication Date: September 1st, 2006
Format: Hardover, 406 Pages
Rating: ★1/2★
To Buy (different edition than one reviewed)
Margaret Lea lives a half life. Working with her father in their antiquarian bookstore she knows that at birth she was a twin. Yet the twin didn't survive. She has always felt that the day she was born was also the day she died. Always looking in mirrors and reflections wondering if that is her sister on the other side. Out of nowhere the author Vida Winter contacts her. She read a little article Margaret had wrote and thought that perhaps Margaret would be her biographer. This would be quite the opportunity to be the biographer to the woman who in every interview she has ever done has told a different biography. Nineteen in the past two years alone. But Margaret can't help being intrigued by opportunity to be the biographer to the most popular author of the age and perhaps find out what happened to the elusive Thirteenth Tale... the missing story from her first book. Margaret agrees to the dying woman's wishes and takes up residence in her Yorkshire home, provided that she tell her three truths that can be verified. The three truths are her real name, where she is from and an event that could be verified. She is really Emmeline Angelfield, from Angelfield and the house burned to the ground. Yet these truths aren't why Margaret stays, it's the fact Vida's story is about twins.

Soon Margaret is obsessed with the world of the Angelfields. The possibly incestuous and definitely masochistic brother and sister, Charlie and Isabelle. Isabelle being the mother of the twins, Adeline and Emmeline, Charlie perhaps being the father. We see the feral children raised in squaller as the Angelfield estate falls apart under the overwork hands of the Missus and John, the Gardener. There are attempts to bring them out of their twinness, speaking only in their twin language. There is Doctor and Governess involvement, but they do more bad then good when they separate the twins, making them amputees missing that which gave them life. When Margaret is not transcribing the story laboriously with pen and paper she is not eating well and having nightmares, her life consumed by the Angelfields. She even ventures to the estate and tries to ferret out their secrets. But how can you be sure you know everything when someone who has always lied, always been the storyteller, claims to be telling the truth. Might they still omit something so there is still a secret only they know?

I will warn you now, I don't usually do spoilers in my reviews. This review will contain spoilers. I need to vent and address my issues, and to that effect, a certain rather big twist (to some) will be discussed at length. For years now people have been telling me to pick up The Thirteenth Tale. The story does center on bookish people, an English country house and perhaps a ghost or two. Add to that the heavy handed name dropping of some of my favorite books from Jane Eyre to The Woman in White to The Turn of the Screw and you'd think me and this book where a perfect fit. We weren't. We not only don't fit together, I think we're from two entirely different puzzles. The titular name dropping was used by the author to force us into this mindset that her book was similar to these other wonderful Gothic Tales. Saying it, repeatedly, doesn't make it so. Just because you have plot devices that mimic events that happen in these classics doesn't mean you should keep hammering the point home. Your book will never be as good as these standards, so stop comparing them, you will always, I repeat, always, come out the loser. You need to make your own book, references are fine, just don't be so blatant.

The book hinges on the story of Miss Winter's life. Miss Winter who is shamelessly an amalgam of Daphne Du Maurier and Agatha Christie, including all the creepy bits of Daphne Du Maurier's past that it's best not to dwell on. Miss Winter is an inveterate liar. She can never tell the truth, so when she does tell the truth there is a key fact omitted. A fact that is obvious to anyone familiar with this genre. The story about the girls, if you pay close attention shows a story of not just the mentioned twins, but a story of three girls. Yes, that is the big "secret." Three not two. The ghost is just another little girl, who happens to be a cousin or perhaps half sibling to the twins and could pass for either one of them and is probably born of rape. I should probably mention I am now going on to spoil other books for you too, The Woman in White being the first up. The "Woman in White" being the illegitimate daughter of the heroine's father, and therefore her half sibling, mimics the girls relationship to each other in The Thirteenth Tale. The evilness of the twins is seen as similar to The Turn of the Screw, while the godsend governess is Jane Eyre, oh, and of course, the house is then destroyed by fire. Here's an idea Diane Setterfield, try to write something original. Don't jumble all these other books together, reference them and then make the reader wish they where reading them instead of your choppy writing style with made up words like "twinness." Don't care if it's in the Urban Dictionary, it's not in the real one and sounds stupid.

The twinness more than anything is what got on my nerves. The changes of "We" to "I." Which I could easily see without the writer going, hey, did you see that. In fact Setterfield seemed so insecure in her own powers of weaving red herrings and hints throughout the book the she went out of the way to say "Hey, you caught that right?" and if you didn't, "Women in White, cough cough." Well, yes, I did, I'm not an idiot, by the way, I just started your book and there's three girls not two, this better not be what the next 300 pages is building up to. Of course it was. Also if I have to hear one more thing about the mystical bonds of twins I may vomit. Margaret always felt alone because she had a twin that her parents never told her about. Boo hoo, confront your parents and move on with you life. The only character I think I could spend any time with was the cat Shadow... too bad he has to live with Margaret. Also, why do you always drink hot cocoa? Don't appear to own a computer and then have a weird angel/ghost hallucination at the end? Why Margaret? WHY!?!

Posted by Miss Eliza at 12:00 AM 2 comments  

Labels: Agatha Christie, Angelfield, Daphne Du Maurier, Diane Setterfield, Gothic, Jane Eyre, The Thirteenth Tale, The Turn of the Screw, The Woman in White, Vida Winter