Wednesday, November 1, 2023

The Witcher

What did I know about The Witcher prior to Netflix's announcement that they were making a TV show? That it was a popular video game. What did I know about The Witcher after Netflix's announcement that they were making a TV Show? That it was a popular video game, there were also books, and Henry Cavill was going to play the lead and was a big fan. The thing about the show is it's actually hard to get into. The first season has I don't know how many timelines and tries to impart the mythology of the world via osmosis. This is not a method I would recommend to anyone trying to impart large chunks of knowledge. It's very confusing. Even to those who are rewatching, so say my friends. I'm not the biggest fan of the info dump, but I wouldn't object too strongly in this instance. In fact I think I might have learned more from The Witcher: Blood Origin about the mythology and history of the Continent than I did from the main show. This all led me to prefer the one-off episodes. Sure, they were mainly monster of the week episodes, but if anyone says anything bad about the creepy incest episode "Betrayer Moon" or the just insane reimagining of Beauty and the Beast "A Grain of Truth" I will fight you. Once I get my hands on a Witcher potion. The thing you have to understand about The Witcher, from what I can see, it doesn't really have any pretensions to be something it's not. It's not trying to be something more like The Rings of Power, it's just trying to be itself, which is Xena: Warrior Princess with an actual budget. You even get the off-the-wall cameos like Molesley from Downton Abbey to Simon Callow who wandered by for two episodes as an eccentric bookseller with a rather fiery end, to Graham McTavish obviously playing the role Simon Callow wanted, nudist talking to owls. In other words all I'm asking for is a Bruce Campbell cameo. Hell, I'd even watch Bruce as Geralt more than I'd watch the least Hemsworth brother take on the role. And serious question, do we think this is a option? Because I am not joking about preferring a Bruce Campbell version seeing as there's no way in hell I'm watching one with that Hemsworth on board. So in a moment of clarity, I will confess that this review is for the final season of The Witcher. Let's face it, it's how we all feel. I even wonder if Netflix feels the same way, there was an odd survey they had me fill out back in July... And given the way it ended, I don't know if I want to give them a second chance. The first half of this season was oddly informative and didn't confuse me in the least, except for the part where like no one told Ciri her father is alive. It's like they realized from The Witcher: Blood Origin that an audience wants a comprehensible story. They also got the memo that Jaskier should be in every episode AND have an adorable love interest AND a rival, bringing on a marvelous bard who so breaks the forth wall. But then "The Witcher Red Wedding" happened. And while it was magnificent, the writers forgot that in the world of Game of Thrones that the "Red Wedding" was quickly followed by the even more spectacular "Purple Wedding." Here we got a grumbling deathbed Geralt and a vision quest Ciri. Oh, and no resolution. Don't forget the fact that they wasted their last three episodes and in particular their final episode on nothing. What a waste of a Witcher. I think that should be one of Jaskier's final songs.

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